Leaving note for grandparent

[Elektro]

MIL will be looking after my LO twice a week now I'm back at work following maternity leave. Today was the first day.

Unfortunately she failed to put the LO down for a nap at the usual time (which she is aware of). In addition, she has told us what she gave for lunch etc and it's not substantial enough to fill LO. We provide the food but she only prepared half.

AIBU to put a note in with his things tomorrow just to reiterate what we have already discussed so she's aware? I don't want to seem cheeky as I'm extremely grateful of her favour. I don't want to seem like I'm telling her off!

Please don't turn this into a "pay for childcare, don't use grandparents argument". This is just re leaving her a note.

Thank you

Giving him the remainder of an old bottle feed would be enough for me to have proper words with her. That's risky to use old milk. She sounds either intentionally defiant or dopey, and I'd want to sort either out with someone looking after my child.

I think babies behave so differently with different care givers that the routine changes completely each time. I can get my DS to nap at 11. If he is with his Dad or the GP he naps at 1 or 2. This then causes problems with the school run but what can you do! As they are family I let them work out their own routines (and am so grateful for the childcare and the amazing relationships it leads too)

"For example, she skipped a bottle feed by giving him the remainder of what was left from his morning bottle. "

I wouldn't be happy about that.

So he missed a bottle feed & had half the usual amount of solids?

That's quite a bit less!

Preston your gold I hope your appreciated!!

desperate
Yes I am, very much so. I have a fantastic DIL and she knows that I’ll always do things her way.

the crazed defiant woman ha ha.

Bumbles, you're absolutely right and certainly my mother has never been able to get either of my children to eat as much as we could manage - I think she's just too exciting - but working on the assumption that the OP's MIL at least wants to try to replicate the home routine, I think writing it down is a good idea. I would verbally introduce it though - not just stick it on the fridge!

When l minded my gd when she was young her dm always gave me a note. I was delighted as you forget from when your own were young. I followed to the letter. But l think today was the day to do that so you have missed your opportunity. If you write a note now she will feel she didn't do it right and may be offended. So a note on day 1 would have been fine.

Surely you just need to mention when you handover that dc seemed hungry and you noticed sine was left over and how the missed nap impacted later. You will have to accept some variance to your routine whatever childcare you use.

She has more experience of babycare than you!

Correct. But every child is different so I'd say that's a pointless comment....

Then, the lunch I prepared she split in half into a separate bowl and didn't attempt to give him all of it...

That is weird. As you say it's like she got the wrong end of the stick. Maybe next time she has LO speak to her when she arrives and just say verbally that he has x bottles at x times and you have left his lunch which he will eat all of. Give her another chance to get it right. Then when you collect you can ask how it went and address it then and there. I imagine if you left a note she might feel a little hurt that you had not said anything.

When my MIL looks after my kids I accept that she will do some things differently. A few things I absolutely wouldn't put up with (smacking them, leaving them to cry it out) but the rest is up to her. I'm grateful for the free childcare and they won't come to any harm having naps at different times or eating differently. Definitely don't leave a note!

I would suggest prepping the food/ingredients yourself into a separate tipper wear a dry label it LO's lunch. Leave the nap to a discussion.

As long as he arrived home unscathed and having been loved and cared for all day I'd not say a word. It never failed to amaze me how my DD managed to do things differently at her Granny's when she was little (she'd nap on the sofa and eat lentil soup for lunch) yet no way would that happen at home.

When ds3 was first left with our cm I wrote out his (rough) routine...just in list form so 10.30am nap (1 hour max), 12.30 lunch, 3pm milk etc. The cm requested it.

Giving that to MIL would be good and not at all rude IMO if given with an explanation. That's not what I'd call a note though...a note would be a 'Dear MIL, please ensure...' type letter IMO. Now that would DEFINITELY be rude.

Call her or leave a note, tell your DH (if he drops DC off in morning) to tell her AGAIN that she needs to stick to LO's routine re food and naps.

If she can't follow simple routines then maybe she's not capable to look after a child.

Right now she has tested your boundaries because she thinks SHE knows better than the parents. She did what SHE WANTED, not what your baby NEEDED. Which means baby was hungry and overtired, everyone had a bad night, the only person who "wins" is MIL.

You really need to get this straightened out or you'll find she just parents HER way when she has her -oops I mean your- baby.

It was day one. I would let them get into a routine, or try to, before bringing anything up. If it continue for a few days- all good, tell her that the child was cranky and hungry that night. She’s been open about the lack of sleep, and may have thought you were over feeding.

It sounds like you haven’t written out a schedule to stick up at her house. Why on earth not? Just because she had a kid decades ago, doesn’t mean she remembers it all, or knows your baby’s needs. Just ‘talking it through’ is in no way enough.

Don’t write a note, write a schedule.

I’d write out his normal schedule including naps, bottles (to give new ones) etc.

Then I’d write something along the lines of he will normally eat all the food in his lunchbox and sometimes more so there are a few ‘xyz’ if he still seems hungry after eating what’s in his lunch box.

Then when you drop him off next time, apologise for forgetting to give it to her today. No one in their right mind would object to being given an idea of the baby’s normal routine.

Whoever drops off tomorrow just ask ‘did he not want all of his lunch? He would normally stuff all of that!’ casual-style.

It depends really on the relationship you have with her. My MIL would want to do things exactly as I asked and so if something had gone wrong it would be a case of baby wouldn’t eat or wouldn’t sleep - you’re coming across like you don’t have a great relationship and you feel she mixed it up on purpose.

I would, my mum/MIL ask for a note to remind them of her routine

I think for the food you could leave a note or just say something casual like 'lunch is in the fridge, just heat it all up for DC and discard anything left over as it will only go to waste anyway'

The naps you may have to accept won't go as well as you'd like. My parents and PIL always found it hard getting DD down for her nap and said they found it much harder hearing GC get upset than with their own children and didn't like to leave her to cry. I just learnt to accept that they are doing us a huge favour so need to accept their way of doing things. My DH use to text my parents and PIL asking if DD had had her nap yet and my mum said that really annoyed her and MIL said she would just lie and say yes she's asleep to keep him happy!

Don’t write a note, write a schedule.

This just shows how everyone is different. To me that is so rude!! She has kindly given her time up for you and your LO a schedule unless asked for is going too far especially now that she has already started. It would be one thing to scribble down a rough schedule before she started but now it just looks like a criticism. I would definitely stick to verbally communicating in the first instance. She should be feeding home enough so it's perfectly reasonable to say he needs ALL his lunch and more milk.

My mum looks after my DD and will be looking after both DD and DS when i go back to work in a few weeks .
Sometimes morning drop offs and evening pick ups can be hectic and theres not always time to have a full on chat or run down of how the day has gone.

We had a sort of book/daily diary where mum would write down what DD had done that day. I.e any activities they had done and what she had eaten . I would also put in there anything i needed her to know for example medicenes DD was having .
Its a nice way to put little reminders that seem less formal and its a nice record for mum n dad to read and see what thr kids have been up to.

I also found it handy if DH was picking up as he had a tendancy to forget what my mum had told him by the time he got home lol

We found it very usefull . Hope this helps