To be inwardly screaming.......

[LuxembergerQueen92]

A woman in my office who often refers to her phone as her moby has just gone to a meeting with her "lappy" (laptop) ...inwardly I am going
aaaaaarghhhhhh.........(it's been a long week).

Dammit someone got there first with lappy needs a slappy !

I am sneaking off before she returns from the meeting.........I have last nights Masterchef to watch and can vent my frustration on shouting at Gregg(g)...

I call my home laptop Edna. Do I have to die now?

You need to be persistently obtuse, then at least you will both be inwardly screaming. So every time she says 'moby' you assume she's talking about the singer and have a long conversation about him. Every time she says 'lappy' (WTF?) you hear 'lippy' and talk about lipstick. Every time she says 'hubby' you hear 'hobby' etc.

She will correct you, but you can be confused or patronising as you prefer and say 'I don't think you did mean that, because that's not a real word, is it?'

Or just kill her, it would be quicker and your colleagues would gladly give you an alibi.

"Hollibobs" has the same effect on me.

I also want to punch people in the throat, who, instead of using your name will say " I'll call you (eg) spiky head" in order to remember you. No you wont, my name is a short one, you'll use it or I won't answer you, you festering turd.

I know someone with a "hubby" who goes on hollihobs. Hollibobs is awful but at least it's the semi accepted awful word. Hollihobs is just her so it's somehow even worse

I once worked with someone who said cheerybubbles at the end of. Phone conversation or leaving the office. I don’t know how she didn’t get the ice bullet,

Another acquaintance visits the ‘hossie’, if I her you it agin she’ll need the fucking hossie.

Holibobs makes me want to pull my eyelashes out!

I admit to calling our dogs 'doggies'. DS2 calls his teacher 'Missy' instead of Miss as well but hes only 4

Not quite the same but when I hear someone say their child is at a 'super selective' school I get the urge towards violence.

I call my home laptop Edna. Do I have to die now?

You're safe as houses. Edna is an excellent name for a laptop.

I'll do the hit for you.

I do't even need you to do one for me in return. just the thought of your colleague is giving me enough rage that I'll just do it for you.

Might want to get MNHQ to delete this thread though once we've finalised the plans...,.

Do it do it now; its a kindness to the human race.

I have a good innocent face, I'll swear blind you were with me

I worked with a Rob, one woman in the team kept calling him “Bobert”.

No one else has ever called him that.

I have a colleague who cannot say xray to save her life. If I hear 'X-er-ray' one more fucking time .....

Blooper-reel - don't tell me she's a radiographer....?

The one that really grates on me is “Roasties” referring to Roast Potatoes?!?!! I was in a quiet pub the other day and a woman asked the lady who had brought their food if there was any “Roasties” left, the rage I felt was ridiculous!!! Why can’t people just call it was it is??? Roast Potatoes is hardly a ridiculously long phrase is it? It doesn’t really take up much more of your day to say the extra second word!!! WTF is wrong with people?!?!?

Oh and whilst I am having a vent... “Destructions” for “Instructions”.... Argh!!

A raddy you mean?

IT’S NOT CUTE!!!!! IT MAKES YOU SOUND LIKE AN IDIOT!!!

.... and breathe.....

Purchase a box of Imodium classic.
It has "can relieve diarrhoea in one dose" on the box front.
Write "verbal" next to the word diarrhoea.
Take the pills out.
Replace with sticking plasters that are a bit bigger than mouth size.
Leave the box on her desk.

Ooh one particular colleague of mine is always being 'pacific' about things. I can't express the rage

Another talks in baby voice "Oh I dwopped my pen on the floor and now it's bwoken"

Oh god I say "roasties" and Yorkies for Yorkshire puddings I did not realise my crime. If I repent now, can I dodge the ice bullet?

There's only one thing worse than a hubby. And that's The Hubster

My DH refers to that useful bread with filling snack as a 'sammy' . He also refers to sausages as snags - his Antipodean upbringing explains that one.

I apologise for my name change - thought I would be seasonal but the BunBun bit is already grating :/