To be inwardly screaming.......

[LuxembergerQueen92]

A woman in my office who often refers to her phone as her moby has just gone to a meeting with her "lappy" (laptop) ...inwardly I am going
aaaaaarghhhhhh.........(it's been a long week).

[maras2]

Afew years ago DH,normally very sensible, came home from work with some shopping which he had apparently bought from 'Sainsgurgles'
He was then in his sixties but had been mentoring 'younguns'.
Anyway, the maras deathstare soon sorted that out .

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

Does she say 'peeps' too?
That's the one that makes me (most) murderous.

[martinidry]

I'm ashamed to admit that I dated a guy who wouldn't quietly excuse himself to go to the washroom but would declare dramatically, "I must go north!".

He also referred to his dick as "Shakey" and spoke of it in the third person. Hearing "Shakey wants to... " in the heat of the moment was not an aphrodisiac, let me tell you.

Abbreviations, they are just too, too much. "Lippy" is awful and "tech" or "techy" are prone to send me into a rage. I recently had someone say to me that I "liked my tech", and later that theirs is "a very techy family". It was a hard struggle not to stamp on their toes.

[SimonBridges]

Fanx.

Just plain shoot her. There and then. With witnesses.
When you show the judge that post it you will be let off and given an obe.

[Mouseville65]

Today at work I referred to cancellations as ‘cans’ - I was rightly flamed by my colleagues 😳 I hate ‘amazeballs’ ‘me thinks’ ‘the hubster’ ‘Famalam’ and ‘last past’ - pick one or the other for fucks sake, there is no acceptable reason to use both in the same sentence arrgghhhh

[BalloonDinosaur]

Ooh. I see your 'fanx' and raise you 'fanxy fanx :]' as sent to me by a crew VIA THEIR EMERGENCY VEHICLE SCREEN when I said they could go to the shop on their way back.

Nearly threw up at my desk.

[Rockybulldozer]

Ooooh, choccie! That’s the one which drives me mad, add it to biccie and I have to walk away. Also get grumpy about ‘mash potatoes’. They are mashed! Mash as an abbreviation for the complete dish is fine but not to describe the process that HAS BEEN DONE to said potatoes! breathes.

[AdaColeman]

Lappy would finish me off, I think puter is bad enough.

Does she call a cup of tea "a cuppy"? Someone I know does this, little do they realise they risk death by drowning in an urn of boiling Assam every time.

And as for the guy with a herd of five or six small yappy dogs, all with human names, his "children", which he has to tell us of the workings of their innards daily.....

[kimanda]

@oohyoudevilyou

hippogorillapig. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[oohyoudevilyou]

I know someone who says tatchoo for thank you.

I either know this person too or there are two of them
It's said in a teeny little girly voice by this hippogorillapig who's at least 20 stone and has a face like a bag of spanners. I want to whack her in the face with a large plank of wood. With nails in.

[SingleAgainThen]

I worked with someone who had a small problem and described it as an “iussuette”!!!

[BollySBK]

A woman in my office who rarely bothers to talk to the rest of the team at the best of times about work, tells us on frequent occasions what her dog has said. Yes, 'what her dog has said'. In a made up voice too, which apparently is 'how her dog talks'. There are also voices for her cats. They all have different accents, and we have all come to recognise which is which without her prefacing the conversation with a 'Xxxx said...'. 'Irritating' is not the word for it, I can tell you....

[CanIBuffalo]

I know someone who says tatchoo for thank you. They don't have speech production difficulties and they are not 4.

[CanIBuffalo]

That's what going no contact is for.

[AlrightBabby]

In the last week I have heard people IN MY FAMILY use...

the lamb chop = laptop
cark = car keys
fankoo = thank you
chokey pola = coca cola

IN MY FAMILY

[YearOfYouRemember]

It's more dumbing down with people thinking they are cool or clever or cute. How old is she?

[soupforbrains]

Queen excellent news. I will try working on the poisoned post it notes plan and hopefully find a slow build up poison which is either undetectable or resembles reactions to natural oil overdose.

also, I went for an interview for a new job. If I get it I can nick the post-its from the supply at this current job before I leave.

p.s. I have an exceptionally good innocent face.

[MaudlinMews]

Oh god, can I add the awful 'veggies' to this list? I really hate it but know it's irrational. Can't stand 'Hubby' either, or the ghastly 'Hun.'

[MissClareRemembers]

These are the very same people who, when asked if they’d like sugar in their tea, say “no thank you! I’m sweet enough already!”

Fuckity fuckers.

[HateTheDF]

'Amazeballs' drives me crazy

[GnotherGnu]

She calls people Hun

That really is the final straw. OP, you'd be doing the world a favour.

[GnotherGnu]

Arseface: LTB

[LuxembergerQueen92]

I meant it would be less suspicious than paper cuts or mummification as she works with these oils too so could be perceived as an adverse reaction

[LuxembergerQueen92]

Soup - I like the cut of your jib - I work with natural oils and chemicals some of which are toxic so the death by poisoned post its could be an option as it would throw less suspicion my way.
In case of a police investigation can you practice your totally innocent face .

[Arseface]

One of our old university friends used to add ‘idge’ to the end of things.
So instead of saying ‘fancy a pint?’, he’d say, ‘Cheeky pintage?’

He still does it sometimes and DH does it when he’s with him