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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aghgh hate flaky friends, who arrange to meet and don't turn up.

37 replies

Aeroflotgirl · 22/03/2018 14:01

What is it with people, you make arrangements to meet at a certain time and date, you message beforehand to confirm, nothing nada. This has happened 3 times in a month with 3 different friends. Its just so rude not to reply to messages asking to confirm, and not show up on agreed time and date. Even if they could not make it, message me to let me know. With one friend, she said she will come at a certain time and day and date, and nothing. Few days later I bumped into her, and told me she totally forgot.

OP posts:
JustTerfingAlong1 · 22/03/2018 14:03

People do genuinely forget sometimes though.

Original poster
Aeroflotgirl · 22/03/2018 14:04

Three friends doing this in the space of one month, I am starting to think its me.

OP posts:
kimanda · 22/03/2018 14:04

You need to find some new friends! Shock

This is not normal 'friend' behaviour.....

Ditch these useless articles.

JustTerfingAlong1 · 22/03/2018 14:08

3 friends in one month is pretty crap. Did they apologise? I've forgotten play dates before especially if made late at night on social media and not confirmed. I've always apologised as soon as I realised however, and made it up. In my defense I am very sleep deprived and in poor MH currently.

JustTerfingAlong1 · 22/03/2018 14:09

Repeat offenders need rethinking of their friend status though

MyKingdomForBrie · 22/03/2018 14:10

That’s ridiculous especially if you reminded them. I would say they’ve decided to ditch and couldn’t be arsed to explain which is very rude. I wouldn’t make any effort to plan anything with them again, wait and see if they make the effort.

Creatureofthenight · 22/03/2018 14:10

That’s not flaky, that’s rude.

Original poster
Aeroflotgirl · 22/03/2018 14:11

I agree kim I sent them messages asking if they are ok to meet up at a specific time and location, nothing no replies, I am not going to keep chasing them I have my pride. I will just stick to my usual few good friends that I have that would never do such a thing. we all have busy lives, dd is Autistic, and ds has sn, so I have appointments, meetings etc to attend. I just find this so rude.

OP posts:
PurplePotatoes · 22/03/2018 14:11

I have 2 friends like this. Lovely people but terrible to meet up with. One in particular cancels almost every single time at the last minute or is late. Was supposed to be meeting her this aft actually but she cancelled at last minute as she had forgotten an appointment. I think part of it is that she's a very disorganised person but you do start to think you mustn't be very important to them..

Original poster
Aeroflotgirl · 22/03/2018 14:12

No I am not, they are not good friends, so won't be arranging anything again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aeroflotgirl · 22/03/2018 14:13

Sorry for the rant, had to get that off my chest. Grrrr

OP posts:
JustTerfingAlong1 · 22/03/2018 14:14

Oh yes if you'd messaged to confirm etc then it's just plain rude

IndianaMoleWoman · 22/03/2018 14:18

I’ve experienced this from both sides. I have social anxiety that is both fuelled by people making plans with me then ditching out but also means that I often can’t face it and ditch out of plans myself at the last minute.

It’s a bit of a chicken-or-the-egg situation; I don’t know whether I’m anxious because I’ve felt rejected so many times, or people reject me because I’m socially anxious.

Either way, it’s crappy. Sorry OP!

Mookatron · 22/03/2018 14:20

I am a flaky person partly due to crap organisation and partly due to anxiety. It's lost me a few friends I must say. But I would NEVER just not reply to someone of I was meant to be meeting them! There's no excuse whatsoever for that.

Jaxhog · 22/03/2018 14:29

It's just plain rude. Although there seem to be an increasing number of people for whom communications and commitment is optional.

Stephthegreat · 22/03/2018 14:30

This has happened to me and it’s one particular friend that does it. Sometimes I’ve wondered if she makes plans with several different friends and chooses the better offer in the day.Is infuriating though and i fully sympathise with you.

Original poster
Aeroflotgirl · 22/03/2018 14:32

I don't mind people cancelling, life happens, but please have the curtesy to let me know. Thanks everyone, I just needed to vent.

OP posts:
ThatItIs · 22/03/2018 14:34

I manage friends like this. I either say I’ll pick them up from their house or I suggest they give me a call when they are in town and ready for a coffee. That way if it does t happen I’ve not put myself out.
I’ve also politely told friends that it’s irritating if they mess me about for no reason. Everyone has the occasional memory lapse but to it repeatedly is flakey, immature and really rude. It’s so easy to phone or send a text if you have run into problems.
I’m always on time.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 22/03/2018 14:35

Three times is odd. However, with new friends (currently mostly met through toddler groups etc) I have learnt to take all plans with a pinch of salt, as less than 50% happen. I think people like the idea of doing fun things, but when faced with the logistics they just feel tired and it's easier to cancel (I just push myself through the tired phase).

I've never had no response to a confirmation text though, or been actually stood up. Are they definitely getting your messages?

Original poster
Aeroflotgirl · 22/03/2018 14:36

Exactly Thatltis, thank goodness they were meeting at my home, that I am not standing there waiting. I guess if people don't reply to my messages asking to confirm just before, than I will see it as they are not coming.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aeroflotgirl · 22/03/2018 14:37

Yes my other friends get my messages, just not these flaky friends. Just bad luck I guess, this has never happened to me before.

OP posts:
underneaththeash · 22/03/2018 14:39

I always send a text the day before.

I can't be doing with flaky people and often I've subsequently turned down other plans to meet up. I tend not to bother with people that constantly cancel at the last minute.

Chocolatewafer · 22/03/2018 14:42

I had a friend like this - when I was “in favour” we’d meet up all the time, message loads etc and I couldn’t understand others who said how flaky she was

When I was no longer a novelty I’d say 90% of the time she wouldn’t show up for things when she said she would. Ironically on the odd occasion I’d message her to cancel (just in case but fully expecting she wouldn’t be there anyway) she’d seem quite put out

I gave up in the end! Even on What’s App etc we can only have a convo if we start it when she’s in the mood otherwise they go unreplied for months

lirpaloof · 22/03/2018 14:43

I have one particular friend who either cancels at the last minute or tries to rearrange around her new and 'better' plans. I have learned the signs over the years so it's no surprise when it happens. She has gone from being a really close friend to someone I catch up with once in a while and I don't make much effort to see her, although I do enjoy her company on the occasion we do actually meet up. She is well known within our social circle for being like this - I would be mortified if my friends thought I was flaky!

ConkerGame · 22/03/2018 14:43

YADNBU! I have ditched a couple of friends who did this regularly. I have not missed them in the slightest! Plenty of people out there who can stick to their commitments OP! And who can communicate if something happens that mean they can’t! Stick to being friends with those people!

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