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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Never a dull day

37 replies

tinkerbellax · 20/03/2018 16:17

I really need advice please. I have a 16, 15 and 11 year old. I work full time doing shift work so 7-3 or 2-10. I only do one 2-10 a week.

I came home from work a few weeks ago and their was an eviction notice from my housing association. I called up and they said it was because I’m not living there. I am!

Well today my two daughters have been pulled from lessons to discuss my apparent neglect towards them. Someone has reported to the housing that I’m still not living with my children and the housing have called the school and social services.

All I do it work and come home. I won’t even go for cups of tea to my friends because since the abuse ended I’ve become a hermit. I have cctv surrounding my property that the police installed but no monitors, it’s done box in my attic.

I’m at my wits end with this and I just don’t know what to do? Is there any agencies I can get in touch with to help?

(This is after over a decade of rape, domestic and mental abuse) I just want to be left alone to bring up my children

I feel like I'm under constant attack from various agencies. I proved to social services that I'm a good parent and they signed me off with no concerns.

Do I have to sit in my front garden so everyone knows that I live here? How the hell can I prove I do?

OP posts:
rubberneck21 · 20/03/2018 16:19

Contacting Shelter would be a good start. They offer advice and support for a range of housing issues (not just homelessness). Good luck.

mommybear1 · 20/03/2018 16:29

Your own cctv should help as it will log your in and out times as it were - sorry to hear this OP hope it is resolved soon x

Original poster
tinkerbellax · 20/03/2018 16:33

The police put the cctv in and it has a box in the attic, I have no monitors so I can't view it.

It's just one thing after another. The housing are now investigating me Hmm

OP posts:
Nandocushion · 20/03/2018 16:47

Someone has reported you? Is it likely to be your former abuser?

lolaflores · 20/03/2018 16:49

I was about to add whether it might be your previous abuser or possibly family attached to him. I am presuming its a him.
Do you get on with your neighbours
How long have you lived there.
Have the kids had any problems.
It sounds malicious

Original poster
tinkerbellax · 20/03/2018 17:00

I've lived here for 16 years, I get on with all my neighbours but I've hardly spoken to them for 2 years since I kicked my ex out.

I just went into hermit mode I guess. I do the normal stuff like out the bins out and go to work.

It's probably my exes new partner. She's one of the most craziest people I have ever come across. She's turned herself into me, sane glasses (she's doesn't need them) long dark hair extensions (she's ginger) and blue contact lenses. Restraining orders are already in place

OP posts:
MayInStTropez · 20/03/2018 17:10

I would make sure the police are aware of these situations

lolaflores · 20/03/2018 17:11

Without wanting to jump to a conclusion if she has made enough of a nuisance of herself so far, there is a good chance she is the culprit.
I wonder if this type if carry in is covered by a restraining order? I know u can't be sure it's her bit if there is enough concern around her to create a restraining order it is worth talking to the police about this.

Original poster
tinkerbellax · 21/03/2018 04:48

The housing are coming out to see me next week. I have to prove that I live here Hmm

They said after a previous report they gave me the benefit of the doubt but this time they're investigating me.

I genuinely do live here, I just don't go out apart from going to work. I'm sick of this and it's making me ill.

OP posts:
billybagpuss · 21/03/2018 04:56

The cctv will be viewable by someone, can you get in touch with whoever put it in and ask. Also time sheets at work will prove you work odd hours. Good luck

Kraggle · 21/03/2018 04:59

At our housing place you wouldn’t be served notice without some other form of communication, they send letters and visit to try and catch you before resorting to notice, have you failed to respond to any correspondence?

BlackeyedSusan · 21/03/2018 07:23

bank statements, bills, etc in your name?

clothes and all your stuff.

tell them about the cctv and ask if they can contact the provider.

billybagpuss · 21/03/2018 07:53

Also show them any evidence from your previous relationship that you may have, do you have a copy of the restraining order (I don't know how these things work) that could prove that the reports to the HA were malicious.

Original poster
tinkerbellax · 21/03/2018 17:22

My 15 year old cane home from school and found a botched pinned to the door on about being evicted on the 5th of March.
I called them straight away and sorted it out now they're saying it again.

I understand that the housing have a duty of care but all I do is go to work and come home. I don't go out or anything else.

They've said it's being reported from a reliable source which is pretty confusing because surely my house isn't being watched 23/7.

I told the housing officer yesterday that I feel like I'm being harassed but she I said she's just doing her job.

So I've gone through all my pictures on my phone and they're all safe stamped so I have that as evidence too. I genuinely only leave the house for work or to put the bins out.

OP posts:
PoisonousSmurf · 21/03/2018 17:28

This is the craziest thing I've ever heard. Why is a housing association so concerned with you having to prove that you live there?
The kids are old enough to be left.
Haven't they got better things to do?

metalmum15 · 21/03/2018 17:34

Surely you can show them bills, all your clothes, belongings etc? Can you ask your employer for proof of your working hours? I agree with pp that you need to be able to view your cc tv, and also explain everything that's been happening and your suspicion regarding your exes new gf. Be as honest as you can and hopefully they should realise someone is trying to pull the wool over their eyes.

metalmum15 · 21/03/2018 17:36

Could it perhaps be a concerned neighbour who never actually sees you so honestly thinks your kids are on their own?

Original poster
tinkerbellax · 21/03/2018 23:23

They know I'm paying all my bills. I'm on a low income so god knows why they think I could afford two homes to run Confused

My neighbours all know what I've been through and I do see them sometimes as I'm coming back and to from work. I don't drive so I walk.

It's a nightmare, she said if I couldn't prove it they could take my home Sad

OP posts:
metalmum15 · 22/03/2018 06:57

That's terrible Op. Surely the onus should be on them to prove you don't live there? Where on earth do they think you are living? Good luck, I hope it gets sorted.

BeachyUmbrella · 22/03/2018 06:59

If you can prove your working hours which you can, where do they think you live?

It's so bizarre.... I would suggest taking photos of yourself leaving the house every day Confused

BollySBK · 22/03/2018 07:13

Hello OP, can you get in contact with the Citizens Advice Bureau? They might be able to help. Try www.citizensadvice.org.uk for online help and it also says where you can find your local branch via the 'Contact us' link at the bottom. Good luck, hope it all resolves itself.

BeatrizViter · 22/03/2018 07:39

Give them all your hard evidence that you are living there- location stamps, neighbours letters-ASAP. Make sure they know you are a victim of abuse and that this may be a ploy to undermine you. Contact CAB to support you, some areas you can get free legal advice about housing and they would know if this is available for you.

Ohyesiam · 22/03/2018 07:45

But if you have cctv sent you in a great position to prove you live there? Or am I missing something? I know you don’t have a monitor, but the police who installed the cameras hold the perfect one viddnce thst you live there. Can’t you point that out to housing association?

Original poster
tinkerbellax · 22/03/2018 11:52

I've been taking pictures of myself leaving the property. I've told the housing about my cctv and they're getting in touch with the police.

I've also go in touch with my local MP over this because it's just ridiculous isn't it

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 22/03/2018 11:59

This sounds very stressful and very bizarre OP. Hope its sorted soon, I wouldnt have thought it would be too difficult to actually prove your there, although why the Housing Association mentioned eviction before investigating seems odd to.

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