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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think MIL is just using us?

44 replies

princesspxx · 20/03/2018 11:29

So I’ve already had problems with MIL as I posted a few days ago her basically forcing her 5 year old daughter on us to go to a scan with me, I’m 27 weeks pregnant.

Last night, around 1am she must have texted my boyfriend as he didn’t see it till he woke up this morning and turned his phone on. She asked if we could watch her kids for her (age 5, 2 10 year olds and a 15 year old) 7-8am and take them to school as she was working early.

I can’t understand why she purposely asks for awkward shifts 7-8am, 4pm onwards and refuses shifts whilst her kids are at school ( I used to work for the same company as her.) It feels like she just expects us to watch the kids for her whenever she pleases, then gets in a mood with us if we say no!

Also, why can’t the 15 year old watch them? Surely he is old enough to walk them to school (which is round the corner) then walk a bit further down to his school?

OP posts:

Original poster

princesspxx · 20/03/2018 11:32

Forgot to add she would’ve had her rota for a few days now so could’ve given more notice!

OP posts:

NorthEndGal · 20/03/2018 11:38

I'd say there was a whole lot of issues going on.
Start perhaps by saying to your boyfriends mum that you aren't her babysitter?
And then for real, stop contact. You're dating her son, not auditioning as as housekeeper or nanny

BobbleHat102 · 20/03/2018 11:44

Yeah, screw that - the 15yo should be perfectly capable, its an hour ffs!

Whatshallidonowpeople · 20/03/2018 11:55

How old is your partner?

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/03/2018 11:55

What @NorthEndGal said

You owe her nothing, she's taking the piss, you don't need this sort of shit in your life. She's selfish, incredibly thick skinned and massively entitled. You need to draw very clear boundaries and/or simply walk away.

Original poster

princesspxx · 20/03/2018 11:55

I know. She says he’s too young to babysit. Can’t understand why, I’m sure at that age I was babysitting my siblings! The kids are pretty independent too, it’s mainly just the little one who would need help getting ready. Feels like she just wants to be awkward

OP posts:

SunshineAfterRain · 20/03/2018 11:59

Just keep saying " no they are not our responsibility" or "no that is too much stress in my condition"
What did your dp reply to her?

Original poster

princesspxx · 20/03/2018 12:02

He asked her if she meant for today or tomorrow, she wanted it this morning so text early hours lol. She’s asked if she can drop them off at 7am tomorrow (we live 2 streets down ffs!) and can be take them school tomorrow, so he’s said when he finishes work (at 6am) he will walk down to her house and take them from there

OP posts:

Takfujuimoto · 20/03/2018 12:17

Saw your last thread, she is a CF Piss taker, can you move further away at all?
She's the type who will just keep asking and even when you say no she will end up knocking on your door or just sending the kids down to you so you end up in an awkward situation.

What is it going to be like when you've had no sleep and have a newborn to deal with, you're bleeding and leaking milk with hormones up and down and she's still sending her brood to yours for babysitting.

How did she manage school runs before now?

diddl · 20/03/2018 12:25

She can only use you if you let her.

Not sure if it's her or your OH who is the problem though.

GrannyGrissle · 20/03/2018 12:31

i'd nip this in the bud pronto OP or turn it to your advantage and charge the fucker up front. £20 for the first hour and £10p/h thereafter?

EllieMe · 20/03/2018 12:33

If your DH is stupid enough to do what she asks there's nothing you can do.

This will be the rest of your life. Get used to it or leave him while you can.

DancesWithOtters · 20/03/2018 12:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/03/2018 12:44

This sounds very stifling OP. How old is your DP?

Can you move away from her? Drastic I know but she sounds like she's going to be a constant pain in the arse whilst you live so close to her.

HoarseMackerel · 20/03/2018 12:48

Obviously she is out of order but I don't agree that the 15 yo should be taking responsibility either.
They didn't decide to have all the younger children, the MIL did, so therefore is responsible.
She needs to find a permanent solution to the issue or change her hours to make sure she can care for her own children.
I could understand if it was your DP's children from a previous relationship and the Ex needed a hand but not the MIL!!!!

expatinscotland · 20/03/2018 12:48

How old is your boyfriend?

dreamingofsun · 20/03/2018 12:57

surely if you decide to have 5 kids you must realise that they need some looking after and be prepared to do this, or fund childcare. as an occasional favour if her childcare fails then its fine to ask you to do it, but not as her main childcare option

Original poster

princesspxx · 20/03/2018 15:13

My boyfriend is 22, I’m 19.

Their dad lives round the corner too, they go there sometimes. He doesn’t work either so you’d think it’d be ideal for childcare! I think because they argue she uses the kids against him etc, won’t send them down.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t dreading it when the baby’s born, soon as we moved in the kids started turning up from school and just walking in if the door was unlocked. I told them they have to knock first and that I’m usually busy at that time so should ask their mum to text me if they want to come round so I don’t think that went down well with her.

She thinks I “don’t like” her kids and that’s why I don’t want them there all the time. That’s completely wrong! They are lovely. But I don’t want to spend every evening with them which at first she was hoping we would babysit every night Monday - Friday. Fuck that.

OP posts:

somepplmakemewant · 20/03/2018 15:15

I would move somewhere not in walking distance lol

Original poster

princesspxx · 20/03/2018 15:16

My house has 2 bedrooms, our room and baby’s nursery which at minute looks like a mothercare sale lol. I’m still deciding on decor etc then we can get it done, so it’s basically a storage room at the min. She told the kids they would be having sleepovers at our house, when they asked me I said well no, where would you sleep? I don’t know what she was expecting, us to buy beds for them to stay over with, or how does she expect 3 kids to sleep on the sofa?

If I did have a spare bed room I wouldn’t mind having them the occasional weekend etc but I know if it happened once, she would expect it all the time so I’m glad I put my foot down and said no. Just hope she backs off soon!

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Bundlesmads · 20/03/2018 15:20

Ahahaha. You can tell all the people who’ve only ever had single births because they’re saying a 15 year old would be fine with ten yo twins plus a 5 yo. No fucking WAY. I have enough problems looking after that combination of children and I’m 37!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/03/2018 15:41

OP I feel for you. This is a situation where you need to take control now if you don't MIL is going to take over your life when the baby is born.

Start by locking your door so she and her dc can't walk in. If they do descend on you and it's not convenient keep that at the door and tell them so.

You have your own life, yes your DP has younger siblings which is all well and good but it's not job to babysit them.

Talk to DP, decide together how much or little you want to have them round etc than stand firm, supporting each other to make sure you don't cave in.

I think long term you will need to move away OP, far enough she can't send the dc round when she wants a break etc.

dreamingofsun · 20/03/2018 15:42

i think its because many of us have used responsible 15 year olds as babysitters, but its different/easier when they arent related to the kids. what i cant get my head round, is why have so many kids if you dont want to look after them.

Original poster

princesspxx · 20/03/2018 15:49

@GreatDuckCookery Yes sorry forgot to mention the door is always locked, it was just a few occasions it wasn’t that they walked in (frightened the life out of me!!) so that’s why I make sure I keep it locked now.

I’m going to talk to my partner about it again, when we moved in though he did mention he doesn’t want them round all the time either. They came for 2 hours yesterday. She agreed to pick them up at 6 (by this time I had to go to the hospital because I had a bit of a scare thinking my waters had gone which I’ve posted about on another thread!) anyway, come 6 I rang my boyfriend he said he’s took them home but now his mums saying she won’t finish work till 10pm. Load of bullshit to me. I think she was meeting her boyfriend (who kids don’t know about, he’s nothing “serious”) as she’s done this before, said she finishes at one time and suddenly changes it to hours later, then I’ve looked at her rota on her fridge when I’ve been to her house (nosey I know ) and she hasn’t even been working at that time!!

OP posts:

Original poster

princesspxx · 20/03/2018 15:52

@dreamingofsun I feel bitchy saying all this over the internet but it’s my only place to vent really. Like I said, she works awkward shifts early in the morning then evenings. She rarely does shifts when the kids are at school. However every weekend she still finds the time to go the pub or on a night out and asks us to babysit (to which boyfriend always says no thank god! As that’s when we spend time together) so they go their dads. Baffles me, why just palm your kids off at EVERY chance? If we don’t babysit and if their dad is busy they go to their grandparents, however they live an hour away so it’s often easier to dump them with us or Dad. X

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