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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think MIL is just using us?

44 replies

princesspxx · 20/03/2018 11:29

So I’ve already had problems with MIL as I posted a few days ago her basically forcing her 5 year old daughter on us to go to a scan with me, I’m 27 weeks pregnant.

Last night, around 1am she must have texted my boyfriend as he didn’t see it till he woke up this morning and turned his phone on. She asked if we could watch her kids for her (age 5, 2 10 year olds and a 15 year old) 7-8am and take them to school as she was working early.

I can’t understand why she purposely asks for awkward shifts 7-8am, 4pm onwards and refuses shifts whilst her kids are at school ( I used to work for the same company as her.) It feels like she just expects us to watch the kids for her whenever she pleases, then gets in a mood with us if we say no!

Also, why can’t the 15 year old watch them? Surely he is old enough to walk them to school (which is round the corner) then walk a bit further down to his school?

OP posts:

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/03/2018 15:56

That's good that you keep the door locked OP.

What would she do if your or DP couldn't have her dc whilst she's at work or out? Where would they go?

This is so unfair of her. It's got to stop now. You're soon going to have your own baby to look after and it's not right or fair that she thinks she can keep putting on you.

Time to stand up to her OP.

Original poster

princesspxx · 20/03/2018 16:00

@GreatDuckCookery I don’t know what she does if we say no and Dad says no too. Think she either just stays in (if she was hoping to go pub) or if she’s working she lets the 15 year old babysit which I can’t understand. Sometimes she lets him, sometimes she doesn’t. She let him a few weeks ago babysit overnight whilst she went to the pub (because he rang my BF at 3am to say mum wasn’t home yet!) but she won’t let him have the kids for an hour in the morning?

OP posts:

BewareOfDragons · 20/03/2018 16:02

Just say no.

Tell your boyfriend you're not watching his siblings.

And think long and hard before you marry into this family.

AcrossthePond55 · 20/03/2018 16:12

Do you think that living where you are is really the right place for you to be? Is there any way you can get your own place or have your bf move back in with his mum? Your life seems so chaotic and that's not good for you. You're too young to be saddled with all this drama.

Where are your parents in all of this?

mojito55 · 20/03/2018 16:13

The kids' dad lives round the corner and doesn't work? Erm what the fuck is she asking you for then, CF!

Original poster

princesspxx · 20/03/2018 16:20

My mum doesn’t live as close however I visit nearly everyday. Was just explaining the situation to her she finds it really odd too!

And yeah, he doesn’t work. Not sure why, however he could have them, he has his own house (which is bigger than ours and with 2 spare beds I think!)

OP posts:

Qvar · 20/03/2018 16:28

You're going to have to be MEAN

I'm guessing your boyfriend moved out of her house and into a house with you? She's lost her free babysitter. You might have to have a dingdong about this, distasteful as it is.

Birdsgottafly · 20/03/2018 16:57

His Dad should be co-parenting, so you are out of order for not going on the attack towards him, instead of his Mum.

I wonder if your DP is keeping the piece with you, tbh and is really happy to help.

You need to decide between you what time you are happy to give, bearing in mind that this is his Mum and Siblings, so its not for you to dictate what he does.

GreenTulips · 20/03/2018 17:03

All you need to do isn't keep saying no, every time - she'll get the message soon enough.

Original poster

princesspxx · 20/03/2018 20:06

@Birdsgottafly I’m not attacking his mum. I’m asking for advice and venting my feelings.

I’m not dictating what he does either. If he wants to babysit he can, but that doesn’t mean they have to come to my house every morning/night or when it suits their mum, and I know for a fact he doesn’t want to do it all the time. He recognised that she uses him. Like someone else mentioned, she has basically lost a free babysitter since he moved out.

She told me she would miss him but only bothers with him regarding wanting him to babysit. She never pops round herself, or asks how he is.

OP posts:

Paperthin · 20/03/2018 20:23

I feel a bit sorry for the DCs - esp the 15yr old if I am honest, calling at 3am worried, it’s not fair. They might be 15 but it’s tough for teenagers who might still need emotional support. She’s not being fair to you either OP, I think this will only get worse as time goes on. Can you move further away? If not straight talking from your DP is needed.

Original poster

princesspxx · 20/03/2018 21:01

We have only just moved to this house unfortunately, and I love it (it’s a better area for me than my old house, much nearer to shops/trains and what not) so I wouldn’t want to move just to avoid her x

OP posts:

AcrossthePond55 · 20/03/2018 21:17

he has his own house (which is bigger than ours and with 2 spare beds I think!)

Am I understanding you correctly that he has his own house, you have your place, and his mum has her own place?

If I'm correct, tell him to move back to his place and get your keys back. If you don't feel you want to totally break with him (I would if I were you) then tell him that he is now limited to 2 or 3 nights a week at your place and that you will not be providing services for his mother in the future. And that if he wants to do so, he can do it on his own time and NOT during his time with you!

Bundlesmads · 20/03/2018 21:17

Andylion · 20/03/2018 21:41

he has his own house (which is bigger than ours and with 2 spare beds I think!)

"Am I understanding you correctly that he has his own house, you have your place, and his mum has her own place?"

AcrossthePond55 I believe the OP was referring to the father of the children here.

lalalalyra · 20/03/2018 21:56

Sometimes she lets him, sometimes she doesn’t. She let him a few weeks ago babysit overnight whilst she went to the pub (because he rang my BF at 3am to say mum wasn’t home yet!) but she won’t let him have the kids for an hour in the morning?

He's probably objecting louder than you. Just because he's only 15 doesn't mean he should babysit every day/last minute any more than anyone else. Especially if she has a habit of turning one yes into a regular thing.

Original poster

princesspxx · 20/03/2018 22:41

@AcrossthePond55 I meant their father has his own house lol x

OP posts:

MyBrilliantDisguise · 20/03/2018 22:46

Is this the woman who resents the fact her adult son moved out?

I think you and he need to move away. You'll have this hassle forever if you live nearby.

AcrossthePond55 · 21/03/2018 13:55

Got it! Well, then the bf has a choice of where to go, doesn't he? I still think it would be better for you to live on your own, at least for awhile. It's too chaotic and you need peace and quiet.

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