WIBU or unprofessional to send this email?

[supersop60]

My DD has been struggling with depression for about 18 months. She's under a CAMHS psychiatrist, seeing the psych nurse every week and is on Prozac. She is still very up and down with moods, and there are some days when I dare not leave her on her own (she's 17, dropped out of college), and some days when I have to rush home from work to avert a crisis.
I'm a music teacher and have had to move students' lessons because of this and recently forgot to enter 2 students for an exam. They have both complained to my HOD. WIBU to send an email explaining what has been going on, and appeal to their compassion as mothers?
No student has ever paid for a lesson that they have not received, IYSWIM.

Hugely unprofessional.
And 'their compassion as mothers' is very patronising.

Don't email the mothers. Inform HOD instead.

Sorry yes, but I might talk to HOD

No way, back away from the computer!

No. Do not do that it will look massively unprofessional. They are entitled to be pissed off that they haven't been entered for an exam they are practising for.

Keep your private life private. Don’t email the mothers of the pupils! Have a meeting with your HOD to explain what’s going on at home. It may be beneficial for you to take some time off from work to look after your daughter.

Explain what’s going on but don’t ‘appeal to their compassion as mothers’. That comes across as: if you don’t excuse this you are not compassionate mothers.

Definitely explain and apologise big time and promise it won’t happen again - it can’t hurt.

Sorry your DD is going through this ive been reading an interesting book called A Mind Of Your Own by a doctor called Kelly Brogan - her hypothesis is that depression - especially in women - can often partially be down to long term hormonal imbalances/exhaustion/vitamin deficiencies. I think psychotherapy is very important too, and someone positive to come in and speak to your daughter (like a life coach) too, maybe...who can focus on little steps towards something that makes her feel hopeful again.

I’m sure you’ve considered all these things though. Good luck.

I would tell your HOD what is going on. I have every sympathy with you, but 'appealing to their compassion as Mothers' is not appropriate and if I read that email it would just annoy me more.

Inform HOD

I would sincerely apologise to the mothers ,and I assume the students are entitled to at least a free lesson to prepare for the exam they missed? It depends how often they can enter, if they are held monthly its' obviously less of a big deal than a yearly one

Sorry I assumed you meant explain to the HOD - don’t contact the pupils mothers.

You really mustn't. You should inform your HOD and it's their job to deal with the parents.

If you email the parents they will be able to say, quote rightly, that the teacher has been applying pressure and guilt.

I am sorry that you are going through this, but forgetting to register 2 students for exams is a big deal.

If the situation were reversed, you would be frustrated.

Speak to your HOD- own your mistake, explain what support you need, and how you are going to prevent this in the future. Definitely do not contact the parents! Hugely unprofessional.

Please don't do this. Everyone has their own problems. You must keep your private life private. If your problems are hindering your job you need to take some time off. I know that sounds harsh but it's reality. You must be so stressed you need to think about your own health too.

As a teacher I wouldn’t send that. It’s up to your HOD to now investigate and feedback to the parents. I would arrange a meeting with your HOD to discuss all that has been going on and to try to arrange support to stop anything similar happening going forward.
In my school it’s a HOD’s responsibility for exam entries - is this not the case in yours?

We all drop the ball from time to time and it sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Is it possible to do a late entry even if the school has to pay extra?

Do not email the parents!

Speak to your HOD and let them deal with the parents.

I’m sorry you’re going through this with your DD

I agree with everyone else that you email the parents partly because I don't think it's ok to be talking about your daughters mental health with other people without her permission.

Sorry typo

That you shouldn't email the parents

But they are correct aren't they? For whatever reason, failing to enter students for an exam is unprofessional.

What are you hoping your email to them will acheive? That they will recind their complaint? It won't get their DC entered for the exam.

I'm amazed that you've been told who complained tbh, and would be focusing on what support you put in place so your job isn't compomised again in this way by your personal circumstances. Not meaning to sound heartless but whether it's a child with an illnesss, a bereavement or a caring responsiblity for a parent, your circumstances have leached into your job and this is the outcome of that.

I would step back and let the head deal with it. If you can get a late entry and explain the circumstances to the exam board then try to do that. You're clearly struggling and you need to work out what you're going to do to change things as you can't carry on like this. I know what it's like, when I started struggling with home life / work, I took time out until I was more sorted. Think of how you are going to move forward with work and life for now and then see what the head decides to do. What will be will be. But writing to the parents is an extremely bad idea, you're not thinking straight. You will make things worse for yourself if you do and it is extremely unprofessional. And not entering them for the exams is a really big deal and is a sign that you are simply not coping with your work responsibilities because of your other commitments. Nothing to be ashamed of but you have a wake up call here to take steps to sort yourself out before things go really wrong.

Sorry about your DD’s troubles and hope she gets better soon. My DCs music teacher failed to enter my DC as agreed. It’s a huge pain for us all. I did indeed complain to the HoD but know there is nothing to be done but now it means not only the delay to his studies but it now clashes with other things. I am wondering how I would have reacted to an apology and an explanation of something like this. I think if done as a proper apology with a promise it wouldn’t happen again then I would have been understanding. But if my compassion as a mother was appealed to I would probably be furious!

Hugely unprofessional, sorry.

I'd also say that by the time you're forgetting to enter students for exams, you should explore the possibility of taking time off work to concentrate on your personal life. That's a pretty big deal, and I wouldn't be impressed if I were in the students' shoes, compassion or not.

Forgetting to register pupils for exams is a really big deal. If I were the parents of those pupils I would justifiably complain about you, and an email appealing to my compassion would annoy me even further.

Talk your family problems over with your HoD and ask them for help if you need it. Do not bring your pupils' parents into it.

Thanks all - I thought so. I have never done this before in 14 yrs of teaching, and I did try to get a late entry, but the exam board wouldn't consider it. I might consider a reduction in hours, or possibly step back from exam entries altogether. The parents are allowed to enter if they want.

I think the fact you don't see how unprofessional that would be indicates that the (very valid) concerns about your DD are taking precedence at the moment and as such you should seek support from your HOD.

Best wishes to your DD.