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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel upset and ostracised by flatmates?

39 replies

Nomoet · 20/03/2018 08:03

There's four of us living together. Get on very well with one of them in particular. Let's call her A. Recently one moved out and A wanted her friend B to move in. Big mistake. Since then the dynamics have massively changed.

B complains about everything. Has had a go about lights being on, the heating being on, complained about our cleaner who comes twice a month. Me and the other flatmate (C) are pretty easy going and tend to just go with the flow but the constant criticism is really getting me down.

It's got to the point where A and B basically treat the place as their house. The heating only goes on when they want it on, they commandeer the living room etc.

It all came to a head this weekend when A announced "great news. We are getting my friend's cat. I am over the moon" via whatsapp on our group chat. The other two have enthusiastically backed this. I sent a message saying I couldn't afford to pay for it and if the landlord found out I didn't want to be liable for any fallout especially in regards to our deposit. We're not allowed in our tenancy to have pets.

Since then I've been greeted by stony silence. It's quite stressful at work and I'm now dreading going home in the evening. I think maybe it's time for me to just accept that this has come to an end except the tenancy doesn't end until January next year.

We have the option to exercise a break clause at the end of may so I could move out end of July but I'm not sure if we all have to exercise the break clause for it to work.

Anyway AIBU about this cat (I suspect I'm not) and how do I now deal with this situation? I have a horrible feeling it will escalate and have been staying out of people's way.

OP posts:
talulahbelle · 20/03/2018 08:05

I’d move out ASAP.

AuntLydia · 20/03/2018 08:07

I think you've been entirely reasonable. If they want the cat they should be paying for it and liable for it. It's not like you've demanded they don't get it, just that you don't want to be involved with it. I'm not sure what else you can do without being taken for a complete ride. Look into that break clause. What happened when the last person left? Can you just find someone to replace you so you don't need to worry about notice?

Twogoround · 20/03/2018 08:08

Move asap phone land lord

NancyDonahue · 20/03/2018 08:10

I think you need to move out. You need to talk to them - clear the air, accept you all have differences and explain you would like to leave. Maybe A, B or C have a friend or colleague that could take your place?

Sweetpea55 · 20/03/2018 08:12

Why would you have to pay for the cat?

TenancyTroublesAgain · 20/03/2018 08:15

She doesn't just get a cat. She agrees it with ALL her housemates and the landlord first.

And then SHE pays for it.

I hate people like this. Taking over the place with little regard for other paying tenants.

Original poster
Nomoet · 20/03/2018 08:16

Yeh I'm a bit gutted about this. I love my room and where I live, the location for work. I've loved there for over two years and with my flatmate A for almost 3 years. So this is a bit sad. Whilst we've never been best friends I've enjoyed living with her and she's a good flat mate. So I resent what's happened with B moving in and now the added stress of trying to move and find somewhere as good and within budget.

We rent via an estate agent. I supppse I could find someone and do a change of sharer and pay the costs for that.

OP posts:
Notcontent · 20/03/2018 08:17

I think NancyD's advice is good. It must be quite stressful and you are being entirely reasonable while your flat mates are not!

whiskyowl · 20/03/2018 08:25

I would tackle this head on, personally. Ask to have a meeting, explain how you are feeling, and say that you're thinking about moving out because you're finding the situation too emotionally awful to deal with. The way you're being treated is not on at all, and sounds totally disproportionate. If they want a cat, there needs to be a clear 'owner' who will take on the responsibility long term, the expense of food and vets bills, and the risk of any deduction from the deposit. Otherwise, what happens when people move on?

onalongsabbatical · 20/03/2018 08:26

We're not allowed in our tenancy to have pets. So why not challenge them on this basis? If you can't come to an agreement, you'd be then within your rights to report them and for THEM to move out and you to keep your tenancy and find some lovely new flatmates who are more on the same page as you. Because they are now taking the piss, right?

Original poster
Nomoet · 20/03/2018 08:30

They are taking the piss. I'm surprised no one has replied to my message, not even to acknowledge it which I do think is really rude and confirms to me this isn't a great setup anymore.

I'm not sure I want to take on reporting them to the agent etc. I'm working quite intensely on a project at the moment that ends at the end of April. I'm thinking I should try and move out at the end of May and leave them to it.

OP posts:
JaneEyre70 · 20/03/2018 08:31

I'd move out sharpish, as they are going to be breaking the terms of their tenancy anyway. And I'd make it clear to them why. You may be a long term housemate but her mate is always going to trump your feelings/point of view. And that's why I'd move on asap.

WazFlimFlam · 20/03/2018 08:32

Tell them you want them to move out. If the tenancy is in your name and they are subletting, why can't you do this?

greengrassofhome · 20/03/2018 08:35

You wrote in your OP that somebody had already moved out of the house share so it is clearly an option. BUT if you like and the place and don't want to leave....
If your tenancy agreements states no pets I think all you have to say is "if you want a cat and the landlords agrees it, then it's fine by me". I doubt the landlord would agree so you'll appear to be reasonable whilst getting your own way. Just say that without the landlord's permission, the future of the cat would be unclear and that's not fair to the pet.

Original poster
Nomoet · 20/03/2018 08:38

All our names are on the tenancy. Last tenant moved out at the end of the last tenancy when it was renewed and a new one set up.

They know I don't want this cat. And they know the landlord will say no. I know I could say please ask the landlord etc but even if I got my own way it would still create a bad atmosphere I have to live in.
The messages I sent at the weekend asking not to be liable if anything goes wrong and re deposit were really nice and not aggressive and just that seems to have created a problem with them.

I've felt things have been brewing for a while though with B moving in so I'm not surprised in a way.

OP posts:
Cliveybaby · 20/03/2018 08:39

As a LL myself, this annoys me. They're not just some distant power to be got around, this is their house, their property which they probably worked hard to buy! Tell them about the cat!

velourvoyageur · 20/03/2018 08:40

Could you have some sort of house meeting, is that a thing you do? E.g. 'hey are people free to have a chat in person about house stuff sometime this week? i'm free on XYZ days, let me know what works for you guys :)'
Think this could do with being talked about face-to-face. There's clearly tension, but since they know you're easy-going, and if you go in with a friendly and calm attitude, they'll probably respond well? Perhaps you could agree that any loss of deposit will be covered by them only?
Think that making plans to move out before you've talked to them properly is a little premature, if you like the area and it's practical. Do sympathise with how stressful it must be though. Good luck!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 20/03/2018 08:40

Do you know what kind of lease you are on? Go and talk to the agent, they will explain how your break clause work.

While you are there ask if hey have any other house shares needs A N Other; tell them about the cat and check they know about the room mate change!

Then go back and have that conversation, with all the details, including the increase in deposit, if the landlord agrees he would be sensible to take a pet deposit that hey can pay for!

But, as one person has already moved out it does sound as though you can use your break clause and escape!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 20/03/2018 08:42

All our names are on the tenancy. Last tenant moved out at the end of the last tenancy when it was renewed and a new one set up.

Sorry cross posted. That'll make it fun then. If you use the break clause that ends the tenancy for ALL tenants. You have a powerful bargaining chip! Use it!

Theresasmayshoes11 · 20/03/2018 08:46

I would have a meeting first and if no joy look elsewhere. They sound very hard work

SavvyBlancBlonde · 20/03/2018 08:46

Cat owner here. Moving a cat in can be stressful. Take it from me who has done it 3 times with one move including a different country. When their stressed, they wee. Sometimes they pop outside of the litter tray as well, but if severely stressed l, they pick a corner, laundry or a bathroom mat and the wee. I’ve thrown out rugs and bleached tiles but the smell is still there and they go back. The landlord has stated no pets for a reason. They need to respect that and at least have the decency to ask. You never know - he might change his mind.

But you’re right about liability. Not your cat, not your liability.

Mrsmadevans · 20/03/2018 08:50

Sounds like you are being bullied OP albeit in a roundabout way , not nice, get out of there asap before they upset you even further.

VivaKondo · 20/03/2018 08:59

Just leave.
You have a break out clause that happens to be at a time that is convenient for you (after the end of your project)
They are not going to listen to you.
You can use your bargaining chip of being able to end the tenancy but you can be sure that if you do play that sort of game, the atmosphere will be awful.

You need to think about yourself there. Living together as a house share means making concession and being careful about other people in the house. They haven’t. They are paying the price.

What you could do is have a chat with the other flatmate to give her a heads up re you moving out. And why.
Then she can decide what is best for her (staying out of finding another place for herself too)

Lobsterface · 20/03/2018 09:04

Can you have a bad cat allergy?

Tweetiepie1000 · 20/03/2018 09:11

Honestly just move, it’s not worth the stress.
If you try having meetings and talks it will all just escalate and people will fraction off and tattle tale about each other.
It really sounds like it was the beginning of the end as soon as friend B moved in.

I would try and move ASAP. May seems like a very long way off if things do escalate! (Which unfortunately I think they will) Is there no other way to move earlier? If it was me I would be moving as soon as I could find another place and another person to take on the remaining lease.