To feel upset and ostracised by flatmates?

[Nomoet]

There's four of us living together. Get on very well with one of them in particular. Let's call her A. Recently one moved out and A wanted her friend B to move in. Big mistake. Since then the dynamics have massively changed.

B complains about everything. Has had a go about lights being on, the heating being on, complained about our cleaner who comes twice a month. Me and the other flatmate (C) are pretty easy going and tend to just go with the flow but the constant criticism is really getting me down.

It's got to the point where A and B basically treat the place as their house. The heating only goes on when they want it on, they commandeer the living room etc.

It all came to a head this weekend when A announced "great news. We are getting my friend's cat. I am over the moon" via whatsapp on our group chat. The other two have enthusiastically backed this. I sent a message saying I couldn't afford to pay for it and if the landlord found out I didn't want to be liable for any fallout especially in regards to our deposit. We're not allowed in our tenancy to have pets.

Since then I've been greeted by stony silence. It's quite stressful at work and I'm now dreading going home in the evening. I think maybe it's time for me to just accept that this has come to an end except the tenancy doesn't end until January next year.

We have the option to exercise a break clause at the end of may so I could move out end of July but I'm not sure if we all have to exercise the break clause for it to work.

Anyway AIBU about this cat (I suspect I'm not) and how do I now deal with this situation? I have a horrible feeling it will escalate and have been staying out of people's way.

B is very naïve if she thinks she can just choose to get a cat without getting the agreement of her flatmates or her landlord.

If one of my tenants did this, I would bring the tenancy to a close at the next opportunity. I'm not against pets, in principle (although with a separate contract to make expectations clear and a separate damage deposit), but I wouldn't want tenants living in my house who couldn't use basic common sense/manners and ask me first about making substantial changes to their agreement.

I would personally move out if I were you. It's a shame that you have to be the one to do it but better that than live in a house that you don't feel comfortable in. I can't see the situation improving and you probably have enough going on in your life without feeling like you have to step on eggshells if you want to use your own lounge.

'Sorry, things seem to have taken a turn here. I'm planning on using the tenancy break clause in May, meaning our tenancy will end in July and you'll have to move out If you want to swap the tenancy in my name to someone else ahead of time, let me know and I'd be happy to share costs' sort of thing... time to move on for you.

I think I'd be making plans to move out. Since B moved in you say the dynamic has changed, their commandeer the living room, they dictate when the heating goes on, etc. It's passive aggressive and unpleasant. This business with the cat is just the latest in a list of changes that you're not happy with. Moving is a PITA and particularly annoying as this situation wasn't of your making in the slightest, but given the stress in the rest of your life I'd cut my losses, if I were you.

Sadly I'm afraid you will have to move. Once flat mates start taking the piss (which yours definitely are), it leaves you no good options - confront them, put up with it, tell the landlord, you only have bad options.

It does seem very unfair that you should be the one to lose your home, but it's the quickest and cleanest way to move on.

Just tell the landlord. I lived in a student houseshare where someone bought a cat just cos she wanted one. It was a shitting under the bed scratchy ball of anger nightmare. I moved out and spent 6 months illicitly sharing a single bed in halls with my then boyfriend because it was better than waking up with a cat trying to shit in my wardrobe.

Start looking at places to move to now. Even if you have to pay double rent for a month or two it will be worth it, trust me.

I was in a similar situation, minus the cat. Moved into a flat that a friend (A) was living in, and during the summer holidays another lass (B) (who I didn't know but had met once) moved in. We all got on really well and it was lovely. It was also owned by the church I went to, so it was the hub for the uni church group as well.

There was a fourth room which, while we, thankfully, didn't have to pay extra for when it was empty, the LL was naturally keen to fill. A bloke (C) that my original friend knew moved in, and then everything went downhill. She went from being the nicest person ever, who cared about everyone and wouldn't say a bad word against anyone, to slagging of all and sundry. Myself and B thought there was something wrong with the boiler, as the heating kept switching itself off, until A walked in on me once turning it back on again, and informed me that "We" have decided to keep it switched off. "We" being her and C, with now word to me and B. A also became incredibly critical of me and B.

I stuck it out til the end of the year but I was miserable. Friends didn't want to come round because of A and C so stayed away. I should have moved out sooner.

Houseshares are often great fun for a while, and then the dynamic changes for whatever reason and it is time to move to the next one. It sounds like this one has run its course for you now, and you aren't getting the benefit you used to get from being there. In your place I would quietly start looking for alternative places to move with more respectful housemates.

I have no experience of renting but surely the LL/Agent does regular inspections? Wouldn't they see the cat for themselves? And wouldn't all hell let loose then?! OP You need to protect your deposit and your reputation as a tenant - you dont want the LL giving a bad reference cos you broke the tenancy rules when its nothing to do with you

Sorry you've had this, sounds like a pain in the arse.

I've had this with 2 female flatmates when I thought we were all getting on fine, but one of them accidentally forward on a string of emails from them to each other massively slagging me off.

Silly cows.

I just moved out.

IME landlords who say no pets are usually okay with a cat if asked for, so I wouldn’t bother using that as your bargaining tool or to tell the landlord. They would be even more bad feeling and the landlord might not say anything. They’d be even more smug then. I’d just move out if there is a bad atmosphere.

I recently had to move flats due to uncomfortable dynamics and other flatmate issues. No amount of discussions worked as she is incredibly selfish and unreasonable. Does feel like my flatmate "won" in a sense but my mood has massively improved now that I'm in a more comfortable setup. Sometimes you just have to pull the plug.

You should find someone to take over your share and move out.

Make sure you stick a fish somewhere they won't find it for months.

This is a shame considering you love the room and location. I've been in the position where the other 2 have been best buds, with their own boxsets and couples nights (i was single). It was always civil but it's not a nice feeling. Hard to take considering we all met at the same time but they just had that extra connection which built over time.

I hope you find another nice place. Sadly, i don't think you can win this one.

As you say, it’s very much then vs you now. Is that worth living with? The only possible way this could get better is if you all clear the air and they treat you kindly, but let’s be honest that probably won’t happen as it seems like they don’t like you. I couldn’t live with the awkwardness, rudeness etc. They will still want the cat too, so imagine a cat added to this mess. If they don’t get the cat, they may resent you for it

Do you have other friends to live with? If not, could you look on SpareRoom for a temporary place?