Grandparents love for grandchildren...

[Newtothismumthing]

I have a new baby who is the first grandchild on my side, but the 8th on my husbands side. We live 3 hours away from my parents and in the same town as all my in laws. My MIL has previously said she has a different relationship with her daughters children than her sons children, but I didn't think much of it until my baby was born and she seems very disinterested, doesn't care to call round and see us, never offers to babysit etc whereas she does seem to dote on her daughters children. I find it quite tough with my parents being further away. Am I being unreasonable to be upset or is this normal?

twigs - you’re reading something that I haven’t written.

I said BIL is an only child AND his mother was very controlling. I didn’t say every only child’s mother is like that.

I think if that's the way she feels then the less contact she has with your child the better.

DS is the first grandchild on both sides. We are lucky to live equidistant between my parents and inlaws, they're both no more than 10 minutes drive away.

My il's are obsessed with my DS (I'd say bordering on unhealthy but that's another thread), to the point that DS's brothers wives have said that they are concerned that when they have children, they'll always play second fiddle to our DS.

My parents are a bit more laid back, don't want to tread on our toes. Have him twice a week while I'm at work but rarely for sleepovers.

At the beginning, when he was a newborn, it was definitely a relationship more focused on my own parents. If my mum popped in on her way home from work and DS was napping, she'd come in, send me to bed and tidy the house or put some laundry on. If mil dropped in and DS was napping, she wouldn't even come in the door, she was only interested in him.

I think it's a thing. I'm very much an arms length daughter in law and as she only has sons she probably doesn't know any better.

YANBU, OP. My MIL dotes on my DD and we have a lovely relationship. My Mum does too. They are both great nannies and give us lots of support. We live near to MIL but even if we didn't I know she would be as involved. That said, my SIL hasn't had children yet so perhaps that will change when she does. Can't see it though.

YANBU but I don’t think there’s anything you can do about it really. Maybe make the effort to visit your parents more? I have the opposite experience with my parents vs my in laws. Doesn’t mean they love my DC any the less.

(Btw disinterested = impartial. Uninterested = not interested.)

This thread has really made me count my blessings. My oldest DGD is my DD's, and I've been closely involved in her life since her birth. When my DS had his DC he, and my wonderful DIL, went out of their way to involve me in their lives too. I understand that there may be tensions between in laws, but I don't understand why Grandparents would deliberately show favouritism.

I've noticed this in the UK. In Asian culture the children of the son are favoured. My inlaws are a bit obsessed with my DD...mil in particular. It's very annoying.