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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Crazy or what re job offer?

36 replies

Amie021 · 19/03/2018 11:52

I have had a wonderful indulgent year off work. The party now needs to be over so I've been job hunting. Been to a number of interviews but not been offered the roles. I had a rush request by an agency to attend an interview last week in the medical field (I am quite familiar with this). Seemed a nice place and the people too. However, I walked away thinking this is way out of my league - more so being put off by the assumption I would hit the ground running. I said it was doubtful as whilst I had done the work before I wasn't familiar with their systems.

The agency rang and said the interviewer thought I was excellent and they want to offer me the bloody job. I cried, cried some more and have done so all weekend.

My main reasons are anxiety based in that maybe the interviewer is not being realistic about the hitting the ground running bit.

I really need a job for sanity and some financial reasons and I understand and accept the argument something is better than nothing and it could be a very long time before I get another job offer. I think I knew in my gut they would offer me the job and I had my reservations kick in the moment my interview ended.

I suffer from extreme anxiety and lack of self-confidence. I hide it well but it's almost physically painful. I feel very fearful. It may be a reasonably hard job to master and I would have felt more confident in an easier role so as to feel comfortable. I appreciate all the reasonings 'to face the fear' but I feel quite sick about it.

I've had advice from friends and family to give it a go, suck it and see, and it might all pan out well in the end. AIBU to still not be convinced? Am I being very ungrateful?

I want to do well in any job and always give my best. Will the agency 'blacklist' me if I turn it down?

Sorry for the rant; your constructive advice would be very much appreciated. Please be kind! I am feeling very fragile..........

OP posts:
Imaystillbedrunk · 19/03/2018 11:56

To be honest I would ask the agency to set up with a meeting with the manager to discuss your concerns before accepting it. If you mentioned it in the meeting they will be aware but still think you are the best candidate for the role

Ihatemyclients · 19/03/2018 11:56

I think you should trust that the interviewers know what they're looking for. You explained you won't be able to hit the ground running and they have said they want you anyway, so you obviously have other qualities that they value more than that!

I don't think you need to worry that this is the only job offer you would ever get so if that's the only reason you would accept it, don't - but it sounds like your anxiety is making you feel like you aren't capable or that they've somehow made a mistake about you, and I don't think either of those things are true.

TheBakeryQueen · 19/03/2018 11:59

I don't think you have anything to lose really do you? You made your reservations clear to the interviewer and they were still very impressed. I bet you will be fine in a few months- everyone has to have time to settle into a new job and learn new things- that's totally normal! Sounds like your anxiety talking to me.

Congratulations!

jay55 · 19/03/2018 11:59

The manager probably sees you getting up to speed on systems as a secondary issue. They might just want someone who understands the big picture and speaks the language so to speak.
Don’t sweat the details, no one really expects full speed on day 1,

MereDintofPandiculation · 19/03/2018 12:08

Agree with others. Trust the interviewer's opinions.

After all, you don't know the other candidates' quality, nor do you know what they're really looking for. It's easy to undervalue your strengths (because they're things that come easily to you) and be too aware of your weaknesses.

FloydOnThePull · 19/03/2018 12:11

I had a similar issue a while back where I was offered 2 jobs, one I felt I could do well and I'd be confident in the role and another that was offering a lot more and I felt was way beyond my ability. I organised a call with my prospective boss to talk through what support they could offer me in the initial stages whilst I was finding my feet and she seemed positive and so (slightly terrified) i went for it.

Fast forward a year and I've just had my first annual appraisal which was glowing (payrise, bonus and they are hiring me an assistant so I have more time to do more of the challenging stuff) I'm happy and really enjoying it and I'm so glad I went for it as it feels like a real boost as I've had to start learning and challenging myself. Looking back I think i would have stagnated quickly in the other role.

Sometimes doing something that scares you a little is a good thing- good luck, if they didn't think you could do it they wouldn't have offered!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 19/03/2018 12:13

You may have had the most relevant experience of all the candidates they saw so they think that you are the one who is most likely to be able to get up to speed in a reasonable time. Most people can learn to use a system but if you don't have a basic understanding of the type of data that goes into the system then you will much slower than someone who understands the background info.

CuriousHedgehog · 19/03/2018 12:19

Once I got offered two very similar positions at different companies, where both jobs included reading in a foreign language. I was very nervous about accepting either job, as I felt it sounded out of my league, but I really needed the money, so I picked one and went for it. Once I started I discovered none of the other applicants even knew the language they would need to read in!! I felt a lot more confident after that. Just reassure yourself that you were obviously the best applicant, do your best once you start and even if you don't 'hit the ground running' have the confidence to know that the other applicants would have been worse.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 19/03/2018 12:23

Congratulations this sounds just what you need.

Please don’t let your anxiety allow you to keep overthinking things.

Remember the hit the ground running question may well have been a test that you passed by being honest and realistic 😀

ravenmum · 19/03/2018 12:24

What's the worst-case scenario? You go along, find it's too hard and they are unsatisfied with you? What would happen then? You're in your trial period, they can either give you some extra training or you can just agree that you're not ready for the job. It's not a huge drama. You're not pretending to be more qualified than you are. You don't have to be brilliant at it; you don't have to be able to do everything perfectly, it is absolutely fine not to be any good at somethig. You can just say "Sorry, it's not working out". Be honest and genuine and there's no shame in it at all.

ErniesGhostlyGoldtops · 19/03/2018 12:33

I agree with Raven Fake it til you make it. I know how hard it is having anxiety. It can be crippling but I bet after three weeks in the role you will wonder whatever you were worried about. I have been where you are. I assumed I would be crap at the job but assumed the other interviewees were crapper! I was winging it the first week but once I had got to know who's who and what's what, I made the job my own and loved it. As I said, the other interviewees might have been terrible. They want you. That is huge. Go for it!

Appuskidu · 19/03/2018 12:37

I think it will make your anxiety worse if you turn it down - just go for it!

daisychain01 · 19/03/2018 12:42

However, I walked away thinking this is way out of my league - more so being put off by the assumption I would hit the ground running. I said it was doubtful as whilst I had done the work before I wasn't familiar with their systems

My concern here is that, even though you expressed reservations during the interview, that your agency has done a massive sales push on you to their client (remember it's all about bums on seats and their commission).

If you feel it sits uncomfortably with you to have to "hit the ground running" after having a year out, then think carefully about accepting the role. If you are up for the challenge, that's fine, but if in your heart of hearts you don't feel you're ready for this so early on in your come-back phase, you need to be honest.

There's one thing about biting off a bit more than you can chew, a whole other proposition to set yourself up to fail. Only you can decide where you sit on that spectrum...

MaiaRindell · 19/03/2018 12:43

If you feel you could do the job well, would you want it?

QuizzlyBear · 19/03/2018 12:45

Honestly I'd say give it a try and it's not for you, leave! It's a job, not indentured servitude and presumably you can leave at any time?

I understand the anxiety issues - I have a few myself but they're never apparent to anyone else and I do very well at interviews. If you've been upfront about your perceived shortcomings in terms of experience and they accepted this, you'll probably do a lot better than you're expecting. Good luck OP.

SpringNowPlease2018 · 19/03/2018 12:45

here's a thought

I do a lot of extra work on top of regular work, so with this, I have taken 2 breaks of about 3 months in the last 20 years

Both times I was so upset about going to back to work - I know, I know it sounds spoiled, most of us have to work to pay bills which is the only reason I work.

But it happened. I took the jobs confidently, but the first return to work I came home and cried every night for a few nights, and the second return I was just incredibly low.

I suffer with depression and anxiety and I do take medication but of course they can't medicate you out of normal highs and lows of life.

is it possible that after a year out you are dreading it and creating other concerns around it? I do understand if that's what it is.

daisychain01 · 19/03/2018 12:53

Btw one thing you definitely do not have to care about is what the agency thinks if for whatever reason it doesn't work out.

They will be only too happy to find you something else, that's what they are put on earth to do Smile

AnnieAnoniMouse · 19/03/2018 13:03

The Agency won’t black list you for turning down a job. A good Agency will ask you to go in & discuss it and work out how they can better meet your needs. An average Agency will just say ‘OK’ and add you back into the ‘available’ pool.

If it was me I’d take the job, on the basis that it’s a job and if I hate it, I can look for another one, but I might enjoy it. But I’m not you.

TatianaLarina · 19/03/2018 13:05

I would strongly suggest if your anxiety is so bad that it’s preventing you from taking jobs then your first priority is intensive therapy to rehabilitate yourself.

It’s impossible for us to know whether it’s just your anxiety talking here and once you’ve started and familiarised yourself with the systems you’ll be fine, or whether it is genuinely too much for you.

I’d be inclined to accept and give it a go - but I wouldn’t advise that if it were going to give you a breakdown.

Financial issues aside - in a way it doesn’t matter whether you take this job or not the crucial thing is conquering your anxiety - that must be your prime focus.

TomRavenscroft · 19/03/2018 13:07

First of all, congrats on being offered the job, OP!

You obviously impressed the interviewer, and you clearly made your reservations plain. As others have said, getting up to speed on systems is often viewed as something that just has to be done once you start the job. I think you should trust them to have chosen you carefully because you fitted the bill in other, bigger-picture ways.

Take support from your friends/family/wherever it's offered. They'll have your back. But I think it sounds as though this employer really wants you. Go for it!

morningconstitutional2017 · 19/03/2018 13:08

It's only natural to feel concerned about a new job - do bear in mind that employers tend to 'talk up' a job. However, there's nothing wrong with wanting to talk it over before properly making up your mind. Surely it's better than being over-confident and then making a complete hash of it. Could you go in for a trial to see how you like it? That might help you to think about it more clearly before fully committing. Best of luck.

Bluelady · 19/03/2018 13:11

Congratulations. I'm in the suck it and see camp too.

Allergictoironing · 19/03/2018 13:11

I lost my job last year in a way that though no fault of my own it destroyed my confidence. It was the first job I'd had in that particular field so wasn't sure whether what I thought I know about the industry was just specific to that one company.

After loads of time job hunting, and being turned down for jobs I could do in my sleep, I was offered a job doing a specialist part of what I had been doing previously - one of the bits my ex-boss had always said I wouldn't be suited to. I'm only 3 months in, but my feedback to date has been excellent and I'm pulling my weight well. I still have confidence wibbles but every time I'm told to stop worrying and I'm doing fine and am ahead of where they'd expected me to be.

I accepted the job even though I was panicking about them expecting more that I was capable of because I thought "what's the downside?" If it didn't work out OK I wouldn't have a job, but if I didn't take it I wouldn't have one anyway. Don't worry about what one agency may think of you, there are thousands out there who will all be happy to put you on their books Smile

Original poster
Amie021 · 19/03/2018 13:29

You have all been very kind - thank you. I have always suffered from anxiety but I 'function' perfectly well in public. The crying starts when I get home if necessary. I take meds and do what I can to help myself. Some people are born worriers - mine has gotten worse the older I get. I dont think it can be conquered, just quelled.

I did not big myself up for the interviewee at all and as truthful in all aspects of my work experience medically, and I am taking on board Daisychain01's concern about the agency doing a mass sales push on me to their client. I share that concern. The client had 13 current applications on his desk including me and I was first in for interview. He told me he had no intention of seeing the other 12 as he said he wouldnt find anyone better out of that 12 after speaking with me. That's complimentary but also frightening. Is that putting too much pressure on me? (BTW I am not a medical practitioner in any shape or form in case you are wondering!)

I think I will take the job (I may change my mind in half an hour.............) as in 9 weeks' time I will be away on holiday; 9 weeks to shine or shag it up I guess.

OP posts:
HappyFeet1212 · 19/03/2018 13:31

I'm going to against the grain here & say trust your instincts. Whenever I've had a bad feeling about a role, I've never been wrong. The problem is that the wrong job will take it's toll on you. If you're not desperate for the money, why do that to yourself?
I absolutely wouldn't trust the interviewer. There's so much you can't possibly know before you start a job.
Put yourself 1st, do what feels right & you can't go far wrong.