How to deal with tutting DH

[Tinkobell]

DH has become bit of a domestic demon in recent years. Has OCD with hand washing and General hygiene. If in kitchen tells kids off for going in fridge without washing hands, a lot of tutting and general disapproval. DS does now not like being in kitchen when DH is around as DH tut tut tuts so much like an old lady. He has not always been so...gotten worse with age. Now starting tutting me too....like red rag to a bull! Any advice on dealing with King Tut? He is very helpful with the chores so we don't want to bar him completely.

OP, I feel helpful - so to cut a swath through the OCD experts I have some something for you :

Mysophobia, also known as verminophobia, germophobia, germaphobia, bacillophobia and bacteriophobia, is a pathological fear of contamination and germs. The term was coined by Dr. William Alexander Hammond in 1879 when describing a case of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) exhibited in repeatedly washing one's hands.

No need to thank me

Washing his hands until they're sore and bleeding almost all the time isn't normal. It may or may not be OCD, but it clearly is a problem.

He's actually increasing his risk of exposure to germs by washing his hands that much. Germs can get into his bloodstream through a cut.

Tink oh I see. I have cats, I know what you mean

Interestingly my son (he has ASD) he finds germs difficult, can’t share food etc. He has no problem with picking up dead things the cats bring in!

Ds is only particular with certain things.

Yes PeterRabbiteating.....I completely agree with risk to DS, but it's like in the heat of the moment or particular issue at hand, he just can't help himself. So he is regretful once risk is gone or issue sorted to his liking...but then it's back again, no better when the next perceived breach of hygiene looms. I feel sorry for DS actually. He is stifled by it. We all are to a degree.

It's just a kitchen, food and animal germy thing. Does not (thank god) extend to bathroom or bedroom etc, though he is quite orderly on the whole. He's never been poisoned at home, plenty of rotten bouts abroad and also had multiple hernia repairs - so is very protective of his gut region. I do get. Kitchen is our social space and each night we sort of dread the return of the hygiene nazi .....I feel genuinely bad saying that by the way! 😕

It's fear of CONTAMINATION, that's it. He also rattles on and on about diesel fumes in the environment and is an ex-asthmatic.

This may give you some ideas for your DH
www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/self-help-therapies/

I would worry about your son. Eating disorders develop so easily. He's only 15 and you've said he cannot simply relax and eat because he's so anxious about the way his dad will behave towards him - I would worry about that. It's not something you want getting any worse or being carried with him outside of the house.