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Original poster

Fat shaming Facebook post

79 replies

Sunflowerhappy · 18/03/2018 17:06

I just saw a post on Facebook that said "I hate girls who blame having a child on their chubbyness....go for a run you fat lazy shits Shock
This is coming from a woman who has a natural skinny frame, bordering on too thin. She has one child.
I just can't believe the nastiness some women have about others. The post was also liked by lots of men.
I'm over weight but I'm very active and certainly not lazy. I eat too much and I use food as a comfort. I run 5ks and I'm very fit. I wish I could lose the weight...but seeing posts like that are hurtful.
Some women put a lot of weight on in pregnancy while others do not. Some people's figures return to normal quickly and others do not...ever.
I sometimes wonder why I'm not a people person and then you see stuff like that.

Aibu to think she's just a nasty cow?

OP posts:
Duckeggbluetin · 18/03/2018 18:06

Also, girls shouldn't be having children.

Turquoisesea · 18/03/2018 18:07

It always amazes me that people can be so awful if you don’t look a certain way. Is being overweight, even just a bit, the worst thing that you can be? I’d say bring a shallow, judgemental twat is much worse imo!

TheFishInThePot · 18/03/2018 18:07

In honesty though, she doesn't hate these women because they make her feel like something very special for being a Mother and being slim. She would secretly hate it if all of these 'fat lazy shits' lost weight because there would be less to make her stand out in her own mind.

chickenowner · 18/03/2018 18:08

She's being nasty and massively over simplifying the issue.

Ignore!

ParisUSM · 18/03/2018 18:12

I am 8 stone and fed up with people telling me I'm only slim because I haven't had children - amazing just how many times my body shape is commented on by other women. The other week a colleague screeched 'look at you, you're like a skelf' which I felt was really cheeky. I'd never dream of commenting on someone else's weight but it does bug me, especially when I do have to make an effort to stay around the same weight (wouldn't mind putting on weight in menopause if it didn't ALL go on my stomach!) Women aren't always very nice to each other.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 18/03/2018 18:14

How can a comment be "shaming" when it's not directed at anyone in particular? If you want to take on the mantle of shame on behalf of whoever you imagine it's addressed to, go right ahead; but it says more about you.

Shinycat · 18/03/2018 18:15

Yes she sounds very rude.

Block her. Don't even say anything, just block her. What a rude woman!

Shinycat · 18/03/2018 18:16

I agree with it also being rude to comment on slim/thin folk though.

ANY body-shaming is wrong - if they are thin or overweight.

BuzzKillington · 18/03/2018 18:18

Rise above it and just hide her.

She's trying to wind certain people up, and she is succeeding.

pictish · 18/03/2018 18:36

Just respond with, “When being thin is all you’ve got. 😥”

Or, “I hate girls who use being honest as an excuse for blatant rudeness...have some manners you thick, unpleasant bitches.”

VladmirsPoutine · 18/03/2018 18:44

@ikeepaforkinmypurse I apologise. We got our wires crossed. I think we are broadly singing from the same hymn sheet.

As I said, that woman's comment seemed to have struck a chord with the OP. And as you say, then it's a choice - you either sit and complain or take steps to change things.

My point was largely based on the fact that a baby is like having a bomb thrown into your life. Even going to the toilet is no longer sacrosanct.

IanRushesInadequateFlushes · 18/03/2018 18:46

It's a horrible thing to say publicly and to think; I would block her posts or delete her.

However I am not sure about this general idea of "fat shaming". Fat isn't healthy. It isn't good for you. The whole "health at any size" movement and some of the models who glorify obesity, like Tess Munster, is not a good thing.

And I say that as someone who needs to lose weight herself and has previously lost a LOT of weight (last bit to go!).

ParisUSM · 18/03/2018 18:49

Agree there IanRushes - Sofie Hagan was describing Cancer Research's Obesity campaign as fat shaming and I've seen people say they would no longer give them money as a result. Found that quite crazy as obviously obesity can be a cause of cancer

IanRushesInadequateFlushes · 18/03/2018 18:54

I think it's a bit less prevalent over here, but the HAES movement in the states is mad - sorry but it's not good to promote that. There's a difference between not making people feel like shit about themselves and not encouraging unhealthy behaviour!

manicinsomniac · 18/03/2018 18:55

But not fat shaming does not equal agreeing with 'health at every size'.

You (general you) don't need to make unsolicited comments about anyone's size and shape but your own at all - in either a fat shaming, thin shaming, size neutral, fat glorifying or thin glorifying way.

Everybody, including those who are very over or under weight, know that being at the extreme ends of the weight spectrum is unhealthy. Some might be trying to change their weight, some might not. And there could be any number of reasons for whether or not they're trying and whether or not they're succeeding. And their reasoning and weight is nobody's business but their own and, if needed, their own medical professionals.

Not writing 'fat people should stop making excuses and go for a run' on social media does not mean that I think that being fat is great for you and should be celebrated. It just means that it's none of my business how somebody else manages their health and lifestyle.

Most fat shamers are commenting aesthetically anyway - they couldn't care less about the person's health.

Pinkvoid · 18/03/2018 19:00

Is there anyone out there body shaming Dads in the same way? How many men get the ‘dad bod’ once they’ve settled down? Yet it seems no one is out there putting them to shame. Another example of every day sexism.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 18/03/2018 19:11

No worries Vladimirs
I don't want to mean that I blame people either, I don't like the "having baby = losing your body". It's not being a bad mum to look at her swollen belly after giving birth (and mine was bigger after the births!) and feel terribly upset. It will go down, it can go back to pre-children stage, there's no need to feel depressed, it's only temporary.

If you are still unhappy about your baby body when your child starts Reception, then yes, you should get a move on!

HelenaDove · 18/03/2018 19:16

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar Sun 18-Mar-18 18:14:11
"How can a comment be "shaming" when it's not directed at anyone in particular? If you want to take on the mantle of shame on behalf of whoever you imagine it's addressed to, go right ahead; but it says more about you."

So if someone said that all blonde women are bimbos , that wouldnt be directed at anyone in particular so no blonde woman would be able to be offended then would they?!!

demirose87 · 18/03/2018 19:38

Ikeepaforkinmypurse, of course having children means you gain weight. I have four children and my youngest is my third in three years. I was a size 10 before, now I'm a 14. I'm overweight, yes, and I don't have time prioritise being skinny, but I have just lost 2 stone from going on a diet and am still losing.
I am busy all day with my kids and that is gard work in itself so I am definitely not a lazy fat shit. So think before you start spouting off bullshit.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 18/03/2018 19:53

demirose87the fact that YOU put on weight doesn't mean all women must get overweight.
My sister had 5, she is as slim as ever - without that much effort to be honest! I can think of a least a mum of 7 who looks better now than she did on her honeymoon photos.

There's a mum in particular from school, who has 4 boys, and admits herself to spend so much time running around that she is slimmer than she ever was! She goes to school pushing a double buggy with twins, helping and pushing a toddler on his balance bike whilst running to keep up with the eldest who is whizzing down on his bike. She looks amazing, but I can think of many more examples

The more young kids you have, the less time you have to eat and take care of yourself, the slimmer (and tired!) you get.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 18/03/2018 20:29

ikeepaforkinmypurse that's disingenuous - most people with young DC have less time to exercise and are sleep deprived and therefore use food to help them function.

I've been anorexic and extremely disciplined when it comes to food, and I was utterly shocked by how hungry breast feeding has made me - it's been a huge effort to stay slim, and if I'm honest I've had to starve myself.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 18/03/2018 20:44

true!
I guess I was trying to say that one woman's experience doesn't make it a universal truth, no one can say that "having children makes you this or that".

Jaygee61 · 18/03/2018 20:54

Most fat shamers are commenting aesthetically anyway - they couldn't care less about the person's health.

I think some fat shamers do disguise disgust at someone’s appearance as concern about their health.

Lordoftheringsting · 18/03/2018 20:54

Pinkvoid- the vast majority of men don’t give a fuck so that’s why.

Women are your own worst enemies when it comes to shit like this.

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 18/03/2018 20:56

Depends. I do weight more than pre
Kids but only around 1/2 a stone more and was skinny anyway. However I have no core muscle and my tummy bloats and expands after eating, and I feel Thick and heavy. You couldn’t tell any of this by looking at me fully clothed.

My SIL is also very skinny after 4 children. She always has been (8stone and nearly 6ft) she seems to eat a lot and has always claimed mystery at why she can’t gain weight.

Now that I have known her decades and holidayed with her, as well as having children at the same time as her (for direct comparison)
I know that she eats very little and simply thinks it’s loads, and she feeds her children very little because she is used to it. For example, until the age of 10 they don’t have their own meals in restaurants and eat bits from her plate. A 2 year old and 4 year old will have to share a small petit Fillus pot for pudding. Her daily food might be: cereal and milk, a cheese sandwich and then steak and kidney pie for dinner. You’ll go out for dinner with her and think my goodness she eats like a pig! But you don’t realise she’s only eaten 400 calories the rest of the day. I don’t think it’s intentional, it’s just all she knows and is used to.

But she’ll tell you how hard it is to gain weight and how she doesn’t understand why she’s so thin.

I always bear her in mind when hearing about the mum of 4 who is so busy “running around” the weight drops off.

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