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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Fat shaming Facebook post

79 replies

Sunflowerhappy · 18/03/2018 17:06

I just saw a post on Facebook that said "I hate girls who blame having a child on their chubbyness....go for a run you fat lazy shits
This is coming from a woman who has a natural skinny frame, bordering on too thin. She has one child.
I just can't believe the nastiness some women have about others. The post was also liked by lots of men.
I'm over weight but I'm very active and certainly not lazy. I eat too much and I use food as a comfort. I run 5ks and I'm very fit. I wish I could lose the weight...but seeing posts like that are hurtful.
Some women put a lot of weight on in pregnancy while others do not. Some people's figures return to normal quickly and others do not...ever.
I sometimes wonder why I'm not a people person and then you see stuff like that.

Aibu to think she's just a nasty cow?

OP posts:

VladmirsPoutine · 18/03/2018 17:42

In the mean time, you might want to consider calling her "too thin" and trying to justify yourself as being overweight yet being able to run 5ks. Horses for courses. Just delete her and carry on with your own life.

OutsideContextProblem · 18/03/2018 17:44

You really need to apply higher standards to your FB “Friends”.

formerbabe · 18/03/2018 17:45

Even if someone is fat because they eat tons of fattening food and never exercise...it is no one else's business and there's no need to comment or be rude about it.

JestFromTheWest · 18/03/2018 17:46

ikeepaforkinmypurse I think that's a mindset lacking in empathy and emotional intelligent.

I look at friends who are overweight and they have all managed to have a successful relationship, get a degree, a career, a masters, pass their driving test first time. I struggled with any achievement I made from that list I just gave and I didn't achieve anything to a high degree. On the plus side, I'm slim.

Different people struggle with different things. Parent, luck, timing, obstacles, support, genetics all come in to play and your view is so simplistic.

expatinscotland · 18/03/2018 17:47

Get rid! And get better standards for friends.

VladmirsPoutine · 18/03/2018 17:47

There's no reason why a woman cannot lose her "baby weight" ever, only that she doesn't want to, or can't be bothered. It's not wrong, but it's a choice.

Yes, there's absolutely no reason. Shame on those women. It's as if they had a baby! Who knew!? They should get themselves to the gym immediately! Having a child is basically as easy as signing up for a gym membership so they have no excuse! Between you and me, perhaps we can start a MN campaign on it. I suggest it be called: 'Are you a fatty and a mother? Well get to the gym fatty!'

demirose87 · 18/03/2018 17:49

I'd tell her to focus on her child rather than prioritising her figure. Imagine the example she is setting her child. Just awful.

thecatsarecrazy · 18/03/2018 17:50

Lifes to short just delete. Or unfollow. I've unfollowed my bil girlfriend because im sick of her attention seeking posts. So far she's nearly died twice ( really hasn't) so she's still a "friend" but i don't see her b.s anymore.

JestFromTheWest · 18/03/2018 17:50

Manicomsomnia is totally correct and I know because I've walked that line too. For a while, being thin was all I had, and I really knew it. But I would never have fat shamed any of my friends. I did I'll admit what was it that made me struggle to achieve the things they had achieved easily (relationship, job, degree, passing driving test) while they struggled with something that seems easy to me. So I do understand that mindset of being comforted by being slim in a world that judges the exterior. There is a fleeting, shallow unsatisfying comfort from looking the part even though you don't want to play the part of somebody who has it all sewn up. You want to actually be somebody who has it all sewn up.

C0untDucku1a · 18/03/2018 17:50

YOUd probably say i had a naturally thin frame if you knew me. Ive never been above a size 10. My sister is actually smaller framed than me, but is always fatter. The reason is a eat small portions. She over eats.

I dont by some miracle stay thin - probably too thin, as in your body shaming opening paragraph. I just dont eat more than i need.

If youre in good shape before having a baby you most likely WILL bounce back. Especially if you breastfeed. Why wouldnt you? The baby is the cause of the weight gain. And i put on three stone with each pregnancy! But it didnt stay on.

Your friend’s post WAS awful. But being overweight is down to the amount of food you eat. If you dont admit that, youll never lose the excess weight.

DOnt assume slim people are just lucky / have a natural slim frame / eat what they want and dont put weight on as if tou actually looked at actual amounts and what is eaten, it wouldnt be the case. The thread a few months ago on the overweight woman who went away with slim peopel and got the shock of her life at how lttle they ate compared To her was an eye opener for many.

Im not being goady here. Ive had twenty years of people commenting on my size 8 or 10 body, saying im lucky. No, its not luck. It’s just not.

Sparklesocks · 18/03/2018 17:52

Some people project their own insecurities out into the world, it might be she has issues with her own weight/body image and is attaching the people she is scared of becoming.
But that’s very much her problem!

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 18/03/2018 17:52

VladmirsPoutine
where did I say you HAVE to lose weight? If you don't, it's a choice. You lose weight by burning more calories than you eat, it's not rocket science, we all know how to do it.

Why are you trying to say that having a baby =putting on weight? Soon you will pretend that slim mothers are bad mothers whilst you are at it.

My point is that if you are not happy with your weight, do something about it. Don't be bitter about people who have, and stop pretending that they are lucky, or are neglecting their children.

Sparklesocks · 18/03/2018 17:52

*attacking

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 18/03/2018 17:54

I'd tell her to focus on her child rather than prioritising her figure.
here we go - I was waiting for that one

Emmageddon · 18/03/2018 17:54

"beauty fades, dumb is forever"

This x 1 million

Foodylicious · 18/03/2018 17:57

A simple "Well you're fucking lovely aren't you?"
Would make me feel better.
Before unfriending her.

JestFromTheWest · 18/03/2018 17:57

Ikeepaforkinmypurse aren't you missing the point here though?

The point is that somebody was needlessly cruel, needlessly smug, on a platform that is supposedly amongst friends.

I know I am hurt when I read total strangers on mumsnet express callous views about single mothers, ie, they just needed to pick a better father for their child. Maybe I should have but if I read that a friend viewed my circumstances through such a judgemental and unkind lens I'd be shocked. You want your so-called friends to view you through a kinder lens.

MirriVan · 18/03/2018 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/03/2018 17:58

But being overweight is down to the amount of food you eat.

So not only was she rude and shaming, she was also wrong. Because yes, weight is mainly food, not exercise. I run three times a week (and I was hiking at 8am this morning) but if I eat a lot, I gain weight. Food tastes good and it's not immoral to eat it.

The other issue with her post is that I see a LOT of women shamed for being 'lazy'. For not doing absolutely everything. Working, doing everything for their children, doing everything the hard way, exercising, housework and on and on. Men are allowed to do a fuck of a lot less before they are 'lazy'.

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 18/03/2018 17:59

She must be a dimwit if she thinks going for a run will make you lose weight. Pleb

GreyGardens88 · 18/03/2018 17:59

I don't think she's wrong, but she said it in a very rude and disrespectful way

ParisUSM · 18/03/2018 18:04

Just be careful with your own language too OP, as by saying she's 'bordering on too thin', you're making your own judgements on another woman's body.

waxmytash · 18/03/2018 18:04

It wasn't pregnancy that made me fat or gave me gestational diabetes it was the fact that I ate too many calories using being pregnant as an excuse.
Instead of moaning about it & putting my health at risk I got fat my arse down the gym and went on a diet post birth,setting my child a good example by being a fit and healthy Mum.

Duckeggbluetin · 18/03/2018 18:05

Really graygarden,you think those women are "shits" because they are fat?
Are you related to OP's friends?

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 18/03/2018 18:06

I wouldn't post that sort of things, I don't really agree with being nasty out of nowhere, but I agree that it gets very old to be told
You are sooo lucky - by someone who freely admit spending their evenings stuffing themselves and drinking in front of the tv whilst you are out in the rain running because it's the only free time you have

your are sooooo lucky because your children eat vegetables - ahem, no, but they haven't got anything else to eat, there's no crips/cakes/ sweets or fizzy drinks in the house, they are reserved for parties - which is at least once week!

It gets boring to see that's it's acceptable to bitch about someone who is slim and accusing her of being a neglectful mother, a self-centered selfish individual but you can't retaliate telling the other that they are just lazy.

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