My husband says I am too sensitive

[epiphanytime]

So my husband regularly makes comments that he knows annoy me...if I say something about someone being crazy for example, he replies with 'that's women for you, you are all crazy' and then laughs. I have repeatedly told him that his generalisations offend me, and are stupid. In the last week this has happened at least once a day. He laughs when I get angry and he says that's why he says it, because it winds me up. When I tell him I am being serious and he needs to stop, he tells me that I am being too sensitive. We have just had another one of these instances and I shouted at him and he laughed. I cannot get him to see how bloody annoying and disrespectful he is being! Am I being unreasonable or is he? I would never keep saying something to him that upset him regardless of the topic. I am not asking him to be a feminist like me, just to be respectful of the fact I am...?

Sorry if this comes across as a huge rant, I am just so frustrated!!!

Switch off to it. If you don't give him a reaction, he will get bored and stop doing it. By your own admission he does it to get a reaction, so don't give him what he's wanting.

Write it down:

DH. You say you enjoy winding me up, you like being able to upset me. Why?

When I tell you that you have upset me, tell you that you have made me angry you laugh. Why?

Do you think that is what love is? Do you think I like being deliberately frustrated and ridiculed by someone I love, who is supposed to live me? Why?

Now read it back... what would you tell the woman who wrote that?

Me? If I had already tried talking and explaining it I would be considering if I was prepared to live with it forever!

Curious, that's what I'm wondering right now...it is constant and making me constantly irritated...I don't understand why he does this, or how he gets enjoyment from it?

Why does he like upsetting you? He gets enjoyment about you being upset?

I'd ask him that first: "why do you get enjoyment out of upsetting me?"

What a fucking twat. I could not be with someone like this.

I know a few women who are though. And they are ALL under 40.

Older women don't tolerate it.

You have to tell him he is a cunt and if he doesn't quit, he will be looking for a new wife.

Trouble is, some men think they are funny and witty, when they are just being massive cunts.

He needs kicking into touch. Sort it now OP. DO NOT put up with this. He will never stop, if you don't nip it in the bud now.

I'd be handing him a note with it all written on. Leave him to digest it, rather than talk to him, he probably has the 'talk over and ignore' routine down pat.

If he can't /won't stop doing it then you only have 2 choices, put up with it or one of you leaves. I can only begin to imagine how it must make you feel, but I don't think I could live with it!

Who’s changed? Did you use to enjoy banter and now you’re more aware or has he started to wind you up?
Not to judge you btw, just that the techniques are different. Try what Curious suggests upthread, if he doesn’t try and change I’d be drawing up an exit plan.

Would giving him a taste of his own medicine help? So for example, he makes a comment about women being stupid, and laughs; you reply with "that's men for you, always over estimating how funny they think they are". Ultimately though I agree with the other posters above, why does he enjoy upsetting you?

MY XH used to do this - it was completely deliberate he loved winding people up and upsetting them, then he'd hold up his hands and say 'wooah, calm down !'

best tactic was to totally ignore him or make some sort of non committal 'I'm not really listening to you' comment like 'yes dear, that's nice'

When I first started ignoring him he used to follow me round repeating the annoying remark or saying 'I've done ' he was very flummoxed not to get a reaction.

He was an irritating bastard and it's nice not to have him playing stupid mind games any more. But If you plan on staying with your H then try totally ignoring, don't let it upset you, he might stop when he doesn;t get attention for doing it.

Stop reacting to it. He's told you why he does it. Just blank him when he says it, pretend he didn't. When he sees he's not getting a reaction, he will stop.

The question is why does he like to upset you. What's wrong in your relationship that this is what he wants to do.

My husband is no angel, but if I tell him something annoys me or upsets me, he endeavers not to do it. He does not have a desire to upset me for fun. So why does yours?

Honestly, I think you’re being too sensitive

You know what you believe. If he says the odd daft comment, let it go

To put it politely, he's an antagonist, gets his kicks from torment.
Do you see him changing ?

'you've tried to annoy me and now I am annoyed, well done, hope you are happy' is what I say to my husband when he winds me up deliberately.

But this happens occasionally to us, not every day. That's really hard to deal with.

Is Curious1981 the DH? totally inappropriate

If he knows it upsets you and still continues to do this it is emotional abuse - just because it is 'words' does not make it excusable - he is trying to undermine you and make you question yourself - your gut reactions are tellling you it is not right by you feeling irritated etc.

Is there any other aspects of your relationship that you are not happy with.

Your DH is probably feeling something's not right with himself but rather than talk about this he uses you to deal with his own frustrations - do not ignore - he needs to know it's not acceptable

Don’t respond just let walk away, it worked for me.

Where is Walhalla when you want her?

He's teasing, tease him back. Stand your ground.

Tbf I do think you're being too sensitive

He is now saying that me telling telling him that he shouldn't say thing like that because they upset me is blackmailing him...like holding a gun to his head apparently. He is the way he is...and I am the problem with my over sensitivity, not him. Great huh? How do you have an adult discussion with your partner about something when he is completely illogical...I can't bloody win...

He doesn't care. He doesn't want to put in an effort to be a decent human being.

He's telling you who he is. Listen.

By that I mean about what the comments were (such as your example) however I do think he should stop if it does upset you. I just don't understand why it upsets you when it's a joke however I do think you're right to be upset about him carrying it on when he knows it upsets you

Why are you with him? Genuine question.

He’s an arse.

Holding a gun to his head…I’d have replied FFS typical man so dramatic... eye roll.

But seriously next time just ignore; he’s doing it for a reaction, if he doesn’t get a reaction he’ll get bored.

I have to admit I’d question my relationship. DP can be an annoying little fucker sometimes, but if he knows something pisses me off he’ll either stop or try to.

I think that kind of joking goes both ways though. How many times do you hear stuff like "typical bloody man", or "only a man would do something like that". I talk that way and my dh says similar stuff. It doesn't upset me, we just have a laugh. Life can be far too serious if we're over correct. But if it really upsets you op then i agree, he shouldn't do it.

Lovebipolar...the reason it upset me even though it is 'a joke' is because it is constant...at least once every day at the moment that he makes a derogatory statement about 'all' women...why? Why did he marry one if we are all so crazy? His response...I love you anyway, even though you are crazy...it has worn me down because it isn't funny, I'm not laughing and I would be embarrassed if he made such a comment in front of anyone I knew. So I have asked him to stop and as a result I am branded a drama queen (just like all women)!! I am tearing my bloody hair out...