To resign from my job

[soupmaker]

It's making me ill. I've not been sleeping for months, and have all the signs of a mental breakdown heading my way - anxiety attacks, withdrawal from any social activity, feeling like I just want to end it, crying every day.

It's the job itself that is the problem, it's well paid, the people I work with are nice, but the stress is enormous. There is no way of alleviating the stress. I've spoken to my boss who thinks I'm doing a great job and who is happy for me to work from home, reduce hours just to keep me. But it'll still make me ill.

I had a year off work as a SAHM before taking on this job. Juggling kids, full time work and home is just too much in a job I'm finding too hard. No amount of training will help my personality is just not suited to it. There is loads of conflict to manage and I struggle with that.

DH massively supportive. He doesn't earn that well but we have enough in savings for me not to work again for 6 months by which time last DC will be at school and I can then find something to at least cover the mortgage and childcare costs.

Feel like I'm having a massive crisis of confidence - late 40s - and having worked in high powered well paid jobs for years feel a complete failure.

Life's too short not to reign I think.

More of WWYD than AIBU but need some perspective and views to help make me jump.

It sounds really hard and I do sympathise. Personally I would accept some reduced hours and use those to seriously look for another job before leaving the one you have. Partly because it’s often easier to find a job when you already have one. But given how ill it is making you why not give yourself a time limit of say 4-6 months at which point you will leave anyway. Sometimes having the light at the end of the tunnel helps you cope with it and you can save like crazy for 6 months too. Fingers crossed you will find another job in that time that is better for you.

Life is far too short to carry on doing something you hate, that is causing you utter misery and by default is affecting your family. If you can afford it leave.

The other thing is reduce your hours, work from home and job hunt whilst you are working.

I found reducing my hours improved things massively

I worked long hours last week so going to go in later and leave earlier this week as have a bit of breathing space.

All it takes is one difficult phone call or problem to land and I'm back to being a wreck.

The poor DC are struggling with long days at school and nursery and it's making us all a bit miserable.

DH just wants me to resign.

Resign vs possible increased chance of better job if you dont resign.

Give you and your family the 6 months break. You can't buy back family time.

Do it. Life is too short to work a job that is making you ill.
Maybe get something part time elsewhere to tide you over (& keep cv going) until school starts.
Sounds similar to me - high paying, demanding job that I juggled with a chronic health condition and the stress that went along with it. Finished job, now earn less than 50% of what I did before but my health is 50% better with 90% less stress. It was worth it.

I would probably try and stick it out while looking for another job. I've always found it easier to find a new job when I am already employed.

Been there, got the t-shirt and came out the other side!

If you've enough money to cover then yes ABSOLUTELY leave and draw a line under feeling like this!

That's one of my worries Peachy. But managed to get the job I'm in after only one unsuccessful interview last time. And would be happy to earn a 1/3 of what I'm on at the moment.

Truthstar good to know that there can be life after resigning. Did you have a break before finding something else?

Well youce answered your own question really?
If you can sustain it financially for the time being leave and look for something else.
Could you not maybe go jobshare and work from home until you get something else?

Have you approached your employer about reducing your hours, lot of employers look in this request sympathetically these days

Yes Ilovecamping I could reduce by a day a week and have working from home but the job needs a lot of contact with people who're having a difficult time themselves and me supporting them. Employer is small but really good, but I think it's just not the role for me.

My OH left his highly paid professional job at the age of 42 and with 3 little children in tow - he did so with the blessing of us all, as we could see the toll it was taking on his health.

I too did the same at 50 for the same reasons and got into a completely different sphere of work for the last 10 years of my career.

Your health and well-being must come first - you are n good to your child if you are ill.

Take the plunge - it will be fine.

I had an extremely stressful job in the public sector a few years ago and I stayed too long hoping it would be ok. It wasn't and I still have horrible memories of thar time. I never want to be in that position again.

I walked straight into another job after leaving on the same money but wfh 2 days a week now. I have a fabulously supportive manager and I'm happy again.

The whole experience questioned whether I want the stress that comes with senior management and I basically don't. I can't see me wanting to work at that level again.

I'd leave and get your life bacl.

Quit, health and family are first. You can look for something not so stressful.

How lucky you are to have such a supportive hubby (well done him) I would try the working from home and save like mad whilst looking for another job as previously said it is easier to find a new job when you have one already.

Could you take another role in the company - one without direct contact with the 'customers' (or whatever they are)? The management sound good and you don't mind taking a pay cut, so maybe that could work?

Following with interest OP.

I have, what seems like, a perfect job based from home - middle management, can pick kids up from school, etc. But I have to travel. I am fucking miserable after returning from the second lot of Mat leave. Manager unsupportive - very stressful situation. Had another panic attack Friday at home due to deadlines feel like I'm a mess.

We can cover the bills and mortgage with DHs salary, but I've never not worked and that panics me more. It's a Classic shit sandwich.

Stubble I used to travel in my old job and that put paid to it. With 2 DC it just wasn't possible to do it and function.

The job I do is all about the 'customer' so no move to another role possible.

I'm okay at putting on a brave face at work but fall apart as soon as I'm out the door.

Going to discuss it all through with DH tonight once DC in bed.

Yes OP I had a wee bit of savings to do me 6 months but got a new job after 4 months in a totally different and new to me field. Scary! But the best decision I ever made was to leave the job that was killing me physically, mentally & emotionally!

I'm like a different person now xxx

That sort of role is immensely stressful and emotionally draining so I’m not surprised you are feeling so affected by it. Personally I think it is more difficult too when you have children of that sort of age too as however lovely they are they take their toll on you emotionally too. If you sat down and thought about it could you cope for a week more without falling apart? 2 weeks? a month? 6 weeks? Pinpointing exactly where your crunch point is might help you work out what to do in terms of balancing health and your finances.

I think you take every offer your employer makes (reduced hours and working from home and anything/everything else!) and at the same time save every penny you can and actively job hunt.

I know you have savings and a DH in work - but what if something happened that changed that? Stay in your job while you can and have a plan. Maybe the plan will help in itself?

Does your employer have a counselling service you could access?

It's horrible to hate a job (I have been there) but please stay as long as you can. Good luck.

Thanks everyone. DH basically ordered me not to go to work this morning after not sleeping again - I was awake by 1am - and spending most of yesterday in tears in bed. I'm not one for taking orders usually. But, he was right. I've got off the bus.

I've been to see my GP, got beta blockers and sleeping tablets and she's signed me off for 2 weeks. Have spoken briefly to my boss this morning and need to pluck up courage to call again this afternoon.

This is the first step to me getting again and it feels good to have taken it.

I think going off sick for a while will help you to recuperate. If it's a social work role, burn out is very common. I would take 6 months out to re-evaluate. There are lots of other people jobs you can do that are not 'front line'.