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AIBU?

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Original poster

I’m quite immature - how can I sort this?

40 replies

FlyLittleFly · 17/03/2018 19:12

I’m 26 and feel immature for my age. I look after myself and have a good job but always feel very immature compared to others and a lot younger. I’ve not had a serious relationship but have had flings I guess, for want of a better word. Live in a huge capital city which can sometimes be quite overwhelming. I’m not very organised but also have been quite successful - am intelligent and can be charming, but also very anxious. I’m quite concerned as I just don’t feel like a grown-up! Anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 17/03/2018 19:17

I'm 58 next month, a grandfather and I never bothered to grow up. The flinging has stopped, but most of the other daftnesses haven't. In fact, the arrival of DGS means I've regressed.

Original poster
FlyLittleFly · 17/03/2018 19:19

That’s reassuring! :)

By immature though I don’t mean silly, I mean disorganised and not very “grown-up”. Possibly some ADHD traits in there which I cover very well. Am not very confident and work extra hard to be “on” when at work but sometimes the mask slips.

OP posts:
Kingsclerelass · 17/03/2018 19:22

Fly, you're only 26, you have every right to feel like that. I didn't stop feeling like that for at least another 20 years. Why don't you concentrate on enjoying yourself, really getting to know your city and forget the rest. Grown up pressures will come along all too soon.

Spoog1971xx · 17/03/2018 19:24

It actually sounds like you are quite emotionally mature and reflective ! Does sound like your self esteem is a bit low though.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 17/03/2018 19:24

F'rinstance, I've justed farted and blamed it on the baby.

As for work, if you do what's required and don't break the kit or damage the brand, you're in the top 25%.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 17/03/2018 19:25

Justed? Why can't we have an edit button? Her.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 17/03/2018 19:25

FFS! Grr, not her. Bloody autocorrect!

GrooovyLass · 17/03/2018 19:29

I'm 42 with an 18yo DD and I'm still waiting to feel like a responsible adult. I'm winging it!

LongWavyHair · 17/03/2018 19:34

I'm 28 and feel exactly the same.
I feel like I did when I was about 20/21. I've had to be responsible because I have children but I'm still nowhere near feeling like I'm heading towards 30. I look young as well which doesn't help really.

MrsDc7 · 17/03/2018 19:37

Well, I'm in my 30's and feel like that most of the time Grin in fact, I was in work the other day when one of the younger members of staff started going on about how her next big birthday would be her 30th and looked horrified! I sat nodding and looking equally horrified until it dawned on me that I'm already well past that and mine will be my 40th Grin

KitKat1985 · 17/03/2018 19:43

I'm in my 30's and didn't really feel like I was a proper 'grown up' until I had the DDs. And that was only because my life had to change (rather than wanted it to) and I was so knackered I was going to bed at 8pm most nights.

onalongsabbatical · 17/03/2018 19:45

I'm 63 in a couple of weeks and I sometimes wonder if know or understand anything. Honestly, OP, I think it's the people who DO think they're grown up or they've got it sussed that are worrying, because I think they're deluding themselves. Growing up and maturing is a life-long process.
Don't forget there's a toddler in the White House (he's on TV in the background made me think of throwing that in).

Snowsnake · 17/03/2018 19:48

I still feel like I'm 11 most days....my daughter was born 18 😃.i regressed with age ,by 17 I was very mature,I peaked at 25. It's been downhill ever since.🙄

Zaphodsotherhead · 17/03/2018 19:49

Most of us are winging it, OP. Most of us on here are convinced we're going to be found out pretending to adult.

I'm 57, mother of five and grandmother to three. And, quite frankly, a bit pants at this 'grown up' thing.

StillMedusa · 17/03/2018 19:50

I'm 50.. feel absolutely no different to when I was 20, execept I'm more creaky when I get up in the morning!

Starting a new job on Monday (completely different) and I feel like a nervous 16 yr old!

I have 4 adult kids and I still don't think I'm ever going to be a proper grown up :D

leghoul · 17/03/2018 19:51

30s, 2 children, very professional job

Feel like a giant child incapable of normal adult behaviour, staggered when people expect me to respond like a normal on the ball adult, refuse to drive a car because I can't adult, failed to do important admin for years, wear kids clothes, avoid normal adult social events, when they are unavoidable I tend to go and hang out with the kids there

Nobody at work has a clue

Not sure when this will change

KochabRising · 17/03/2018 19:53

None of that sounds like immaturity tbh. It sounds like a young person making their way and being self reflective and slightly anxious.

I’d say immaturity is things like poor self control, lack of consideration for the feelings of others and being unable to see a larger picture. You just sound like you need to maybe work on your confidence and organisational skills :)

Have a google of imposter syndrome

VioletteValentia · 17/03/2018 19:54

I’m immature in certain areas. It’s who I am, anyone who doesn’t like it can piss off! Wink

VioletteValentia · 17/03/2018 19:55

Feel like a giant child incapable of normal adult behaviour, staggered when people expect me to respond like a normal on the ball adult, refuse to drive a car because I can't adult, failed to do important admin for years

Me. Embarrassingly, my mom helps me do my paperwork. Blush

CrochetBelle · 17/03/2018 19:57

If you don't call your future partner Daddy Bear, you're already doing better than some.

VivaKondo · 17/03/2018 19:57

Fly I’m wondering what you would consider being an adult?
If you were behaving like one, what would you expect yourself to do or feel?

I am 48yo and I do feel like an adult. I didn’t feel like it when I was your age though!
The main difference is the feeling of responsibility. As well as feeling like I have ‘settled down’ so to speak.

What you are describing with the mask falling etc... sound smoke like the imposter syndrome, where one always feels like they will be found out because they are nowhere near as good as what people seem to think.
It’s quite different form being an adult though (I know plenty of adults who suffer from imposter syndrome, some of which are are doing extremely well in their area)

seasidelife · 17/03/2018 19:59

41 mum of two, not grown up at all ;) it's totally over rated and probably rather dull, life's too short!!

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 17/03/2018 19:59

Outwardly I know I seem like I have achieved maximum mature adult but in my head I still feel like a confused immature idiot making it up as I go along, unlike all the genuinely mature people around me. I guess we all feel like that.

At about 100 my grandmother told me she still felt 22 in her head.

Schlimbesserung · 17/03/2018 20:01

Being a Proper Grown Up doesn't mean that you behave differently, just that you care less about how mature you are.
Having said that, I'm nearly 45 and desperately hoping that if I pass my driving test, I will finally be All Grown Up! My husband is 66 and almost certainly not fully adult.
Perhaps adulthood doesn't exist? Whatever the truth about that, I'm pretty sure that the not caring is the key.

UgliCat · 17/03/2018 20:03

When your pushing 50 and Job hunting suddenly (cos it crept up on me) being immature is an advantage.
Me and my part shaved head bounce into interviews and get offered jobs in an industry where apparently over 45 s are unemployable.

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