I’m quite immature - how can I sort this?

[FlyLittleFly]

I’m 26 and feel immature for my age. I look after myself and have a good job but always feel very immature compared to others and a lot younger. I’ve not had a serious relationship but have had flings I guess, for want of a better word. Live in a huge capital city which can sometimes be quite overwhelming. I’m not very organised but also have been quite successful - am intelligent and can be charming, but also very anxious. I’m quite concerned as I just don’t feel like a grown-up! Anyone have any advice?

I usually regress in times of high stress. I'm 25 and stopped progressing mentally aged 23 when I had DD.

I'm in my 40's and imagine I'm more like 30 sometimes. Until my 25yo dd appears and I realise I'm way older!!

My nan is 92 and still behaves like a teenager. growing up is overrated.

My eldest son is 18 and will be leaving home this year. I still don’t feel like a ‘grown-up’ at times.

I think that what at every stage of life, there will be insecurities and worries, and you will always meet people who seem ‘sorted’. Ie. Happily married, 2:4 children, nice car etc. However, you don’t know what’s around the next corner, or hidden behind closed doors. That’s person with the nice car could be heavily in d bet, for example.

I think what you are experiencing is entirely normal.

You are a grown up. You are also mature.

We don't suddenly all become organised and focused when we hit 18 (or 21 as it was when I was young).

You're an adult with a specific personality.

Try these, OP:
xkcd.com/150/
xkcd.com/616/

I'm 46 and have been married for 25 years. I often feel the way you do, although from the outside it always looks so different.

Dh and I often have conversations about what we want to be when we grow up. We haven't quite figured it out yet, though we are well into our second careers.

Don't sweat it, life is just a process of winging it and hoping that you don't get caught out too soon.

OP, can you give examples of what you consider to be disorganised behaviour?

So for example, my timekeeping isn’t great. I stay in bed until the last minute and shove on clothes, sometimes feel quite ungainly and unkempt compared to others at work in my very corporate job. I often wear the same plain skirt and similar tops. My room gets messy frequently and my bag is a mess. Just not very “together”.

I also get anxious and I confident and flustered when at work, I try to hide it but people seem confused as everyone is very “on” and confident generally.

Embarrassing but sometimes I sleep in my clothes when I’m too tired in the evenings. Sometimes my double bed has detritus on it fromtbe morning (clothes etc) and I just climb in and share my bed without clearing

That’s not immaturity imho.

I rarely feel put together - I just never really managed to be one of those effortlessly groomed women. I’m clean and neat and appropriately dressed and that’s enough.

Timekeeping is important I think but that’s something you can work on. How are you addressing that? Are you in bed on time?

Everyone is winging-it.

Fake it till you make it, and if at that point you haven't made it, at least you looked like you did!

Life is just about getting on with it. It's ok to crash down and have a panic and doubt but for the main part hold your head up high and carry on.

I don't usually subscribe to brands but as Nike say: Just Do It.

Fly - your latest update could describe m also (except sleeping in clothes), and i’m Twice your age.

Detritus a very grown-up word to,use.

Yep, I think everyone’s winging it. I’ve heard of the imposter syndrome and it does hit home with me too. Maybe some people are more aware of it than others, or just more self conscious? At work I am the same as you, get flustered easily and then try to hide it and seem professional. My work has got easier now that I’ve been there for a few years and I’m more familiar with my industry, but in meetings when I’m expected to say something I tend to be rather quiet because I fear that if I open my mouth people will find out that I actually haven’t got a clue what I’m doing.

But in my private life I’m pretty happy being “immature”. I do have to ask my mum, dad or my husband to help with things I think I should be able to do myself (mostly admin or cooking related things), but I’ve seen pretty much everyone else do the same. I also without fail get inside a large cardboard box if I come across one. I’m 33.

WonderTweek you marvellous woman! Boxes must be climbed inside at every opportunity, as one of them might be a spaceship.