To expect more at 3?

[NomsQualityStreets]

Prepared to be told I'm BU, I feel bad even writing this but I am a little concerned about DS and not sure if I'm just being weird.

He's 3 (just) he doesn't speak in sentences properly, he manages 3 words here and there and a lot of them are only understood by me or DP as he doesn't pronounce them properly. He's generally very giddy and all over the place and it's extremely hard to get his attention when we're not at home.

In comparison to other children his age we hang out with he's got virtually no attention span he runs around like crazy (especially at soft play) and it's very hard to get him to stop and listen. Other DCs happily walk holding their parents hands and even chatter a bit whilst he tries to rip away and run around.
Same goes for teaching the basics like "sharing" other children seem to kind of "get it" they might not be too happy but will share/let another DC have a toy or whatever at the parents encouragement, my DS just shouts "no! mine!" and bursts into instant loud crying. Even much younger DCs often let him have toys because of the way he gets

I've recently watched my friend have a proper conversation with her just turned 2yo, something I can't even dream of with DS ATM!

And what concerns me the most is his crying, as soon as he starts crying he starts coughing, depends on how much he manages to work himself up he sometimes even ends up slightly retching multiple times despite my best efforts to calm him down.

Potty training is also out of the question ATM.

I expected him to talk a lot more and be a bit more "with it" at this age.

AIBU?

I think you are right to be concerned. Have you spoken to your HV or GP?

Hi I would speak to gp, do an autism test online to see if you think he meets the criteria as language delay and everything you’ve mentioned can indicate that, sorry x

I agree that your concerns are right, speak to Hv or gp.

My ds had laughing /coughing fits that turned out to be asthma.

Have you not spoken to anyone about this yet? I presume he doesn't go to nursery and you haven't got contact with hv? Go and seek some help, it may be nothing but it sounds worrying.

Was he prem?

People might come along to say its all fine but I'm just going from my own personal opinion. I'd be concerned, maybe not so much the toileting, mine have been toilet trained between 21 months and 2years but I also know plenty toilet trained at just over age 3. If showing no signs of readiness at that age though I'd personally be concerned. His speach does seem quite delayed too. I'd want an opinion from a HV or doctor tbh

This is exactly what my ds what like. He spoke in absolute gibberish and wild!

It turned out he was partially deaf. He couldn't hear us in busy places, echoey places, if there was any background noise and all this meant he couldn't concentrate on anything. He was in his own bubble.

I would get to your health visitor, they will refer you to speech and language. Although we didn't have any concerns for his hearing they sent us to get it tested just in case.

He does go to nursery and they've not mentioned anything. He does seem a lot more switched on after a day at nursery though.

He wasn't premature no.
He can communicate what he wants but he will still refer to himself in his own name rather than use "I" so he will say (this isn't his name obv) "Henry want ice cream" rather than "I want ice cream" etc.

I've also recently tried to do the drawing thing a HV does to check fine motor skills where you draw a horizontal line, vertical line etc and see if your DC can copy it and he just squiggles with no pattern whatsoever.

Does he spend much time with other children his age or does he spend most of his time with adults?

As an alternate to the autism view (which of course it could be) I've met many children similar to how you've described and often it's because they're not around other children so not used to sharing and are slower to develop their social skills.

My DS was much the same and he really is fine. He is in Reception now, on track to hit the government targets by the end of the year (many of the children won’t). Doesn’t stop talking, loves playing with Lego, is popular at school.

We did have him assessed though and the pediatrician wasn’t at all concerned thankfully. So you ab push for an assessment through your preschool.

Most things there you could put down to not going to nursery yet (the not sharing) or not being ready (potty training) or personality (running around like a blue arsed fly) but the speech delay would worry me. DS turned three in January and we have been able to have proper conversations for a while. He was stringing words together before he was two. I don’t say that to boast; I think that’s normal. It sounds from what you’ve said that your DS shad a speech delay, for whatever reason, and a talk with the GP or health visitor would be worthwhile.

My DS didn't speak properly until he was 5, he is Autistic, has ADHD and global developmental delay, he is my third child.We used Makaton and that was so helpful, and I am positive that it helped his language skills develop. We also used Makaton when we had two more children. My older two children had no issues with their speech/ language, they were both early chatterboxes, but I am convinced it helped with baby 4 and 5
www.makaton.org/

HVs here do a 27 month check (I think). I’d definitely go and see one and say you’re concerned about his development. They’ll know what you need for a SALT referral. Alternatively ask to see his key worker at nursery and ask them questions about how he’s getting on. They might be hesitant about raising any concerns.

As other posters have said, it may all turn out to be fine - children develop at different rates. But on the face of it, his speech is significantly delayed, so I would definitely speak to someone about that. GP in the first instance.

I think it could be either as children develop at very different rates, but if you have concerns then you should discuss with your HV or other health professional. If it is a nursery with some of the staff qualified in early learning and/or child development you could start by asking them.

Is he at nursery at all? If so then I'd be speaking to them. Many children (even this young) present very different behaviours at home in comparison to 'settings' like schools. Plus they should have a SENCo who can help support any ed-psych assessments or anything else that may need checking.
If not, have you thought about enrolling him. Not saying your not a good parent or aren't teaching him but somewhere a bit more structured and with rules that are enforced and more peers might help with developing these skills if there is no underlying issues, if there are underlying issues they can (as I said above) look into it and help get the support in before he starts school properly. Nothing as annoying as having to fight to get support in and not getting anything until nearly the end of reception year.

There might be an underlying issue, whether that is ASD, hearing issues, ADD/ADHD or something else completely if hard to say from the little snippets. There is, of course, the point that his development might just be slightly delayed and he will catch up later. Some children are so active that other skills fall behind because they can't focus, once that focus comes in they soon catch up.

My son (now nearly 20), spoke quite late and was slow to toilet train ( over 3).He was very attached to his bottle and I must admit I did baby him , ( he was and is my only child).We did have some SALT intervention later on And he was identified as having auditory memory issues which school helped with. At the age of 3 he was referring to himself as being called Piers ( very random as he has a v common boys names starting with J). He seemed far behind his peers right up to the age of about 6.

He seemed to catch up after that and ended up at grammar school and did well in his exams.

I would say do speak to HV ( mine were superb as was school Senco and SALT) but also be pushy if needed. There weren’t finite resources even that long ago and I imagine it won’t have improved. We were initially told 96 weeks for SALT referral , luckily school SENCO got one into school and we were bumped up the list straightaway.

Good luck, it’s good you are an engaged parent and hopefully it’s not too much to worry about. I was demented with worry at times ( still am but for different reasons , but then I’m a worrier! )

I have been down this road and worrying myself to death that my DS might have autism. He sounds just like your DS, he's turning 3 end of this month, however he was almost 2 months premature. This time last year he had almost no words at all, and now puts 2/3/4 words together but like your DS not talking in sentences yet.
The only thing off about him though is his speech, he's fine otherwise and shares and is very engaged with everyone. I would say do get him referred just in case but also look at the bigger picture.

How's his learning otherwise? My son has delayed speech but he knew his ABC just after 2 and he can count 1-20 easily. He recognizes all sort of shapes and can identify over 10 colours. I do feel like sometimes children have strengths in certain areas and are weaker in others. Children like adults are all different....something doesn't necessarily have to be 'wrong' with them. You're his mom so you will know him best so get him checked out just for your own piece of mind. We had our DS assessed by SALT, OT, and one of the best developmental paeds in London and all said he seemed okay.

Obviously it’s often difficult to distinguish the wide range that is toddler development and that which may be something atypical, such as autism.

As a parent of a 13 Yr old with ASD and who had quite marked difficulties from a very early age, from what you’ve said (particularly the bit about him being ‘giddy and all over the place’, I would see about getting a private sensory integration assessment, which is carried out by an occupational therapist who is trained in paediatric sensory integration.

We don’t just have 5 senses. We have the vestibular system (balance... www.autism.com/symptoms_sensory_overview )
proprioceptive (where our body is in space...nspt4kids.com/parenting/understanding-sensory-processing-disorder-proprioceptive-system/ ) and interoceotive (autonomic things that happen like breathing, sneezing, hiccups, feeling hunger and thirst etc... autismawarenesscentre.com/what-is-interoception-and-how-does-it-impact-autism/ ).

My DS for example, cannot stand strong smells and tastes and self regulates/ selectively limits his own diet. He has low muscle tone so feels he needs grounding in space in order to feel calm. He is an avoider rather than a seeker.

Your DS sounds like he might be a seeker...looking for sensory input to get feedback to help calm him. Check out sensory integration vids on YouTube. There are lots of really easy ways to support them every day using simple equipment like balls, stretchy material, pushing and pulling exercises etc.

But defo get an sensory OT assessment if you can afford one.

you are right to be concerned. Ask your doctor for a referral to a paediatrician

Call hv and get a referal to speech and language then take it from there.

Even if he had been prem, developmentally they should have caught up by 2.

Did he have a 2-2.5 year review with the HV? If so did he do the developmental questionnaires?

I'd be concerned. He sounds like my nephew. He did get referred to speech and language. There are also concerns with his attention span and concentration. From what I've witnessed, I think there could be something that isn't right. His sibling is also showing the same signs but even more so.

Your HV would be able to help.

Sounds like DS2, he never said single words but was just over 3 and spoke in a sentence , until then he just made a noise that only I and his brother could understand. He's now an adult with a degree and still can't sit down for any length of time