My partners going to work for his dads business with no knowledge whatsoever?

[Kocerhan3]

My fiancé has just been diagnosed with severe psoriasis on his hands, after cheffing for over 15 years (passionate head chef) he now has to re consider his job. Basically he's been told to leave. His father owns a large company doing construction work, and has offered him a general manager position. Secure, yes. Good pay? Yes. However my OH knows NOTHING about the field. I have to do the DIY and fix things around the house for crying out loud?! Plus even as a head chef, he's soft. Very soft. He's not "management material" in my eyes and I'm so so so concerned he's going to be seen as "daddy's boy" who got a senior position because of his blood - he won't be respected and he won't be able to assert authority due to a)he doesn't know more than them b)he doesn't have that sort of personality. I'm concerned and I'm scared, and I've phrased all this gently to him and he just calls me negative and always trying to burst his bubble. AIBU?!

Why not wait and see what happens? He might surprise you.

I work in a technical field where my managers couldn't do my job and do not have my knowledge. They do, however, have experience of managing people and work loads and dealing with complaints from customers. You may find his experience in a busy kitchen (I assume) will have given him skills to manage.

What is your alternative suggestion?

Poor bloke, having to give up what he loves and has trained for and then being told he is doomed in his new job before he starts!

Has he had treatment for his psoriasis?

@Yarboosucks I've not told him he's doomed, I've told him that it sounds a great opportunity and I believe he could do it in time but I have concerns that he's just doing it because it's easily offered - not the reason to do anything really /:

@BarrysnotLyons yes, he's on a course of antibiotics, has steroid creams and prescription moisturising ointment. It's been bad and getting worse for weeks and it was me who had to make the doctors appointment for him and he only went "to keep me quiet" so I feel bad that now all this has happened /:

If he has told you that you are being negative and trying to burst his bubble, then that is what he is hearing, regardless of whether that is your intent or not.

What sector of construction is it? And is he site or office based?

@Yarboosucks that's a very fair point /: I hear you and will deal with that

@teaiseverything from what he's told me it'll be office based, again worried because he's been so practical for so long...

Ugh I feel like such a negative nancy. I just (obviously) care for him and don't want him to make a mistake here just because it's offered on a plate and end up being walked over, bewildered by it all and so ultimately hating it

Have you seen him in his workplace? I've never known a Head Chef that was 'soft'.

He has to be able to carry out the duties of a manager, not a construction worker. Running a kitchen should provide those transferable skills. He will, no doubt have others as points of contacts, if he needs help.

His Dad will know his workmen, they may not need a tough approach. If it is a successful business, he will have built up a good crew.

It won't do him any harm to give it a go.

@teaiseverything they do a few different fields - mainly think sun rooms and glamping huts. But his dad has built restaurants on (I guess) exclusive contracts, built pools and pool rooms and all sorts. It's a vast business not a small family run affair.

I think that you should put your energy into supporting him and deign encouraging. IF is does not work out then you do not want to be there with any hint of "told you so…".

You speak of him as if he is a child or not up to much… Why would he be bewildered? Being quiet does not necessarily make you a walk over either!

@Birdsgottafly we met at work, and now again work together after a few years of different restaurants. I've seen him in circumstances where I felt he didn't "handle it" I feel so bad to doubt him, but surely it's understandable why I do /: he can't see it though

Doh! Being encouraging

You need to let him find out these things for himself. If you’re right, well, he’ll soon work it out.

And if you’re wrong, you’ve rained on his parade before it even got started.

In the nicest possible way,you're not his mother. You can't protect him from the big bad world.
He needs to make his own way,his own mistakes. He might be great,he might be shit but stay because it's easy or he might hate it and look for something else. Entirely his life and his choices though.

To be honest I think YABU as you've effectively told him he's incapable of doing the job before he's even started. Not very supportive is it? What's the alternative if it doesn't work out?

I’d be sad and pretty disappointed if my spouse was ‘gently’ telling me
I was soft, not management material, not good enough, going to be bewildered, a daddy’s pet.

What’s the problem if he tries it and it doesn’t work? It’s steady employment, a learning curve.

Some finance you are, if the situation was reversed and your father had offered you a great job, how would you like your finance to act.

It sounds like you do n’t respect him, time to re think your relationship.

Thank you all for you replies. I adore this man. He is fantastic. But I'm a worrier and often very black and white in my views - I just saw it from a "would I hire him for this?" Perhaps not. But I do love him, I do encourage him in various ways because he's passionate and excited, this one definitely stumped me because he didn't give me any reasons that he wanted to do it for him - just because it was easy and that worried me.

I genuinely and wholeheartedly appreciate being knocked down a peg here by the mn family. Off to have a good heart to heart.

I see your point of view. One of my friends DH’s father owns a huge construction company, think massive projects in central London. Her DH started at the bottom, earned the respect of his peers & now is very senior.

The family had already helped by giving them a massive deposit so they DH could live on the lower wage.

YABU. He needs a job and, seeing as it is the family business he will need to learn about it as I assume he will inherit all of part of it some day. Excellent opportunity to learn.

DIY and construction management are very different things, OP. It's more about people management and deadlines than actually doing construction stuff. He's probably got loads of transferable skills from being a chef.

Restaurant kitchens are volatile high pressure environments; if you can cope with those pressures, then you can cope with a building site, even though the skills are very different. The time scales will be less pressured, but the skill sets may be more varied. He may surprise you!

My DP was forced into a change. I thought it would be disastrous as he had to sell and was the shyest person ever. He has been v successful and is now much in demand. I am flabbergasted but after 8 years have to accept he is good, not just lucky.

You might have the same surprise

OP

Great attitude!

Best of luck to him in his new job and I hope his hands recover soon. Been there with my DH and bestie, psoriasis is a bitch…

I've done some hr consulting to the construction industry. It is pretty brutal and involves a thick skin and the ability to shout at subcontractors. I feel for you because your professional judgement tells you Dh perhaps will not be playing to his strengths yet your spousal duty is to be supportive. Hope he surprises you.