Hi, I’m new to mumsnet and this is my first post. As the title says I caught my husband watching porn, I will expand a little...
I Have two children to a previous relationship, my husband loves my children and is very good to them. We’ve had our fair share of problems as all couples do but we have always managed to come through them together. Last year I fell pregnant accidentally but unfortunately lost the baby at 18 weeks. Since then we have had such a massive mix of emotions and have been desperate to conceive again, sadly it isn’t happening easily for us. Every month when I get a negative pregnancy test, he treats me like his enemy, almost like it’s my fault why I’m not pregnant.
At the weekend I again got another negative test, he packed some of his things and left. I was devastated and spoke to him, asking him to come home to work it out.
So he came back home after two days apart and he bought a home kit to test our fertility (all normal) I was out with my children while he took the test. Obviously I know he would have to masterbate which I am 100% ok with - I presumed he fantasised about me using certain pictures and videos he has. I came home and everything was fine. The next day I turned the tv on and the adult Chanel came on, straight away I knew what had happened. I spoke to him and he lied saying “maybe your kids stumbled across it and turned the tv off, I would never watch porn” I knew this was a lie so I kept pressing him to tell me the truth. He then went on to say “I tried all the channels and they wouldn’t work so I used your pictures and videos in the end”
Eventually he told me that because he left the house at the weekend he had in his heart given up on our relationship, he only came back because I was sad. He said that our relationship has come to the state where he will watch porn and that Iv pushed him to this. I think my concern is that, he was masterbating to check his sperm count, so that we can continue to try to have a baby, but I wasn’t his first choice of pleasure, I was literally his 11th choice (10 adult Chanels) it makes me feel sick to my stomach and I feel like Iv been mentally cheated on. Is my body no longer good enough for him, doesn’t he enjoy having sex with me, am I ugly, and more importantly if you want to have a child with me it’s because you love me, so does he now no longer love me? And if I’m being honest, I can’t deal with the fact he lied about it and tried to blame my children (age 10 & 7) it’s an insult to my intelligence.
I want to know if I’m over reacting and being silly, should I easily get over this and let it slide? What can I do? I also feel like he so easily lied, can I trust him now? Iv never ever experienced this in my life.