Judging mums with age gap different dads

[louise5754]

If there was a 10 year age gap between the eldest and youngest child ( 8 years between middle and youngest)

Would you assume they all 3 were the same dad or that the youngest was a new relationship?

It's no excuse but I do have Asperger and do sometimes say inappropriate things so I do apologise.

I know it really shouldn't matter but I think about what others think way too much and I know anyone could be in this situation as I could if my dh left me and I met someone else and had a 4th.

I have aspergers. I wouldn’t think anything of it tbh.

Well i was asked as there was 12 years between my eldest and youngest.I didnt mind being asked but it was the way it was asked.Just being nosy.

Her face when i told her all teh same dad.She had to get her gossip somewhere else.

I have 6 years between me and my elder sibling and I'm 10+ years older than our other sibling
We all have different dads x

Well considering my mum has 23 years between her oldest (me) and her youngest (5yesr old brother) I wouldn't assume anything

Ok good. Not TTC yet but it was on my mind thanks

A big age gap wouldn't make me judge a family. I would negatively judge people if their behaviour was really bad.
If one child looked very different from their siblings, I might think they had a different parent, but might assume they were adopted. I would mind my own business about it. If you get to know people they will tell you personal details at their own pace.

I wouldn’t assume anything as I know people who in both circumstances. My own grandad had two sibling they were all 7 years apart, same parents. My best friend’s OH is 10 yrs younger than his next sibling and almost 20 years younger than the eldest, same parents. DH is 10 yrs younger than BIL, different dads.

But either way I’m not sure what the implication means if someone did think it. It’s not bad either way...

I have 2 kids by my ex and plan to have at least 1 baby with my new partner in the future. Eldest would probably be a teenager by the time it happened. Wouldn’t bother me if people asked if the youngest has a different dad but I’d be very pissed off to be judged for it.

Asking people about dads and age gaps fucks me off seriously.

Why is anyone’s business? Why would someone ask that? It’s the same as asking if your pregnancy was an accident or not. It’s fucking rude

I always assume that all children are fulll siblings unless told otherwise. I knew about three people with half siblings as a child and haven’t met any families with half siblings since. In all three cases it was the father who went off and had a second family. Large age gaps in the other hand seem quite common. It’s not something that really becomes an automatic assumption for me but if one is used to it I don’t think it’s an unfair assumption to make just because it seems odd to me.

I get a lot of judgy comments because i have two under 3 one pure white haired and the other dark dark brown so a lot of people i have two close together but with different dads.

When peolle ask or make assumptions that it really doesnt matter if they do or not and leave it at that

I either wouldn't think anything of it, or would think youngest was a 'happy accident'

I like big age gaps, my family is full of them so I wouldn’t think anything.

I have 11yp, 9yo & 8mo, all the same Dad but whenever I see anyone else in similar situation I (internally) presume different dads - I presume people think this of me also.

However no one has asked yet...

On the other hand I have had MANY people ask if youngest was planned.

My two children are nearly a decade apart (thanks to secondary infertility) and I've been with my husband for 23 years.
People who dont know us dosometimes ask if they are from different relationships. I am not bothered. I can see why they might wonder. (Also my eldest - dark hair and eyes, olive skin - looks NOTHING like my husband although he is definitely the father whereas our youngest is just like her dad - ginger, light skin, blue eyes. )

I have a big age gap but same Dad. Divorced now so I guess people might think they were different dads but so what if they Did? If someone happened to have picked the wrong bloke more than once then I don't know why we judge that.

Oh and I've been asked if youngest was an accident (i was 40 when she was born; husband was 53!) She wasn't but i just say no , much wanted and long planned. they don't need to know about the multiple miscarriages, testing, treatment etc

10 years between mine. Tried to get it less but wasn't meant to be. Same dad. I'd be offended if someone asked. Partly because of what I went though. Partly because it's none of their business.

I have a grown up step-daughter. There are 17 years between her and DS1, and another 3 years until DS2. DSD was a bit bothered when she was out with DH and the boys that people assumed she was the mum with a much older man. She remedied this by calling DH ‘Dad’ frequently and loudly but tbh now she’s in her late 20s really doesn’t care what people think. Families come in all shapes these days, don’t worry about it!

I'd assume it was none of my business whatsoever.

It could be a different dad, or it could be finally overcoming infertility. Or it could be that they were happy with their family and then changed their mind and added on more kids.

Either way it would be rude to ask or assume.

I know of siblings 9 years apart because of a harrowing ectopic pregnancy experience in between. I also know of siblings 10 months apart who are in the same class at school. No-one's business to judge or comment at all, whatever excuse they make

There's 19 1/2 years between my two and I have been asked on a couple of occasions if they have the same Dad....though as DS1's Dad died that would be a tad difficult.

I think thye do look a bit alike though

I have exactly the gaps in the OP and they all have the same dad. There was the odd assumption when I wss pregnant, and tbh it pissed me off.

I wouldn't 'judge'. Plenty of people have children with more than one partner. Fairly mainstream these days, surely?

Oh, and like others in this situation, there was recurrent mc in between 2 and 3 (though we didn't start trying until dc2 was four and a half, so by some people's reckoning there would have been a 'big gap' anyway). Annoying that people don't have the imagination or empathy to consider there might be various reasons and to, frankly, keep their beaks out.