Judging mums with age gap different dads

[louise5754]

If there was a 10 year age gap between the eldest and youngest child ( 8 years between middle and youngest)

Would you assume they all 3 were the same dad or that the youngest was a new relationship?

It's no excuse but I do have Asperger and do sometimes say inappropriate things so I do apologise.

I know it really shouldn't matter but I think about what others think way too much and I know anyone could be in this situation as I could if my dh left me and I met someone else and had a 4th.

They are both gorgeous old

There's nearly 7 years between my girls (fertility issues and 4 miscarriages). I've never been asked about their dad/dad's but then they are the spitting image of eachother and DH so it probably really obvious that it's the same dad!

Tbh, I wouldn't mind if I was asked. But then I'm pretty open about most things.

I have 3 kids.
DC1 (16) first marriage

DC2 (7) and DC3 (3) second marriage

I have no problem if people ask about the big age gap or if the kids have the same dad. I've only been asked this once or twice, but it doesn't bother me at all. If it bothered me, then this would mean I have a deep issue with the fact that my kids don't have the same dad.

To be honest, I don't ever feel judged in the least. Big gaps rule! Honestly, I'd go mental with 3 under 3.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain same situation here.

DSD is in her mid 20's and is 10 and 14 years older than DD1 & 2. I find it funny when people try to work out the parentage if we're all out together. As DSD and dd2 could be twins if they weren't so far apart in age, both dark haired and olive skinned, both image of DH.

Whereas dd1 is blonde, blue eyes and pale skin with freckles, and looks nothing like any of them. She does look like me, and has my natural colouring, but my hair is dyed dark and make-up done to match so seeing people trying to work out her parentage is rather funny.

Nobody should be judging anybody!

I would have like either a really narrow gap like 14 months which my friend did and I thought she was MAD but it has worked out really well. I kind of stuffed it up with a 3year age gap so they fight all the time and never want to do the same thing and can't share clothes or choose the same film at the cinema or help each other out or share friends in the future. Argh.

10 years between my youngest and eldest. All have the same father.

Is it a matter for judging, having kids by different dads? I’ve got 7 years between my two, different dads and it never occurred to me that people might be judging me for it. Loads of people get divorced, remarried and have other children in the new relationship don’t they? Don’t they?

My best friend has 17 years between hers. Had her first young with a shit of a bloke. Her husband and father of the 2 little ones is amazing. I'd be very cross if she was judged

Don't concern yourself with people who judge who breeds/has sex with whom. They aren't worth the thought. As long as all are consenting adults and no animals involved then it doesn't matter if someone has 49 DC by 50 DF's or 1 DC by 1 DF.

There's a big gap in my DC. I've been asked, rarely, and been asked leading questions that imply the same thing much more commonly.

I am grown up enough to see that there's not really any bad intent involved.
But inside, I'm angry as hell.

Because in that gap lie my two dead babies.

I'm not going to sandbag you with that, not yet display my wounds in a casual conversation.

But fuck off with your questions. Fuck off with your insensitivity that never imagined that asking someone about the number of children they have, or why they don't have any, or when are they having a second, or any of those questions, could possibly be stepping on a private tragedy.

And breathe.
Okay, rant over.

But that's what I was thinking,inside.

There was an age gap of 25 years between the eldest and the youngest (me). I was a menopause accident. Same dad.

My DH, 30 year age gap, also a late menopause baby. His mother had so many children, he's never met some of them, doesn't even know how many as most were long gone before he was born. She once told me 16 that survived so God alone knows how many times she'd been pregnant and at what age she started. Several different dad's. That woman had a lot of secrets.

Basically, I don't think the presence of an age gap tells you anything.

I have 18 years between my 2, different dads is assumed and correct if anyone does say anything but very few do, to my face at least.
My dh is also old enough to be my Dad so we're a bit of a mixed up family anyway. Could be a group of 4 generations when really it's 2!

My eldest is really dark skinned and dark hair and outgoing.

Youngest is ginger blonde freckles and shy. Same dad.

We have 21 years between eldest and youngest. Same dad, same relationship. Caused a lot of raised eyebrows and hemming and hawing when DC5 arrived but they all look so much alike that you can tell they have the same parents.

DD1 refused point blank to be sen out with DD2 when she was born in case they thought she was her mother.

I kind of stuffed it up with a 3year age gap so they fight all the time and never want to do the same thing and can't share clothes or choose the same film at the cinema or help each other out or share friends in the future. Argh.
Glad it’s not just ours 🙄

I might wonder out of curiosity, but I wouldn’t comment on it

I know families with big age gaps where there’s kids from one Dad, gap, then kids from another Dad. I also know families with big age gaps and all kids have both the same parents.

I wouldn’t look down on someone in either situation though

I have a friend who has 3 children, she had one in her 20s, one in 30s one in 40s. Same dad. Do people assume they have different dads - yes, all the time.

My DD and her half-sister (from her dad and his now wife) are two years apart. They look really similar. Her other half sister (same parents as first half-sister) is ten years younger than her. Also looks similar.

My point is that the two full siblings have a bigger gap. It’s none of my business why.
But you saw all three, you would never know one was not a full sibling because they all look similar.

There’s 10 years between me and my only
sibling. Same dad.

There is over 20 years between my grans eldest and youngest, all the same dad. My mum is the youngest of them, all together there is 9. I know a lady that also has 9, she is 41/42, her youngest is 3 and eldest around 20, again all the same dad.

I couldn't care less about big age gaps shit happens and if they have different dad's hopefully you picked a better one the second time

I think people will always be curious as it's their nature, some will ask questions and yes, unfortunately, some will judge.

IME age gap doesn't mean much when it comes to parentage: there's nearly 20 years between my friend and her sister who are full siblings. I also know a family where there's only about 3 years between each of the three siblings, and each have a different father.

Some people are always going to judge you for something so no point worrying about it really.

I really don’t think anyone gives a fuck about families with two or more different fathers. In fact I’d go as far to say it’s the norm now. I really wouldn’t think twice about it, I have maaany other things to worry about...

I have 19 years between my two.

Due to a fertility issue with his father, my husband is 8 years older than his youngest sibling, all 3 from the same Dad. MIL has said people sometimes made judging comments about it. I'm guessing from people who had no idea of the fertility problem, but people shouldn't have to justify an age gap between kids to others in the first place.

The father of my ex was 17 years younger then his oldest sibling and 8 years younger the other sibling. All the same father and no fertility issues it was just what they were comfortable with.

A co-worker has daughters with a 9 year gap, no idea if from the same father or not, don't feel like it's any of my business. I wouldn't care if they were from the same Dad or not.

I have one cousin with 6 kids from 5 different Dad's...I'll admit I do judge her but mostly for how she treats men. They don't stick around for good reason.

PestFromTheWest

I don't think an age gap determines if siblings are more likely to grow up to be friends or not. My husband's closest to his youngest sibling and my ex's father was closest to middle sister, although older sister died of a rare illness when he was still relatively young so didn't have as much of a chance to form a bond.