To not want dh’s best friend to be our child’s godfather?

[JuJu2017]

Our ds is getting christened in June and dh’a best friend was going to be his godfather. The reason I’m not happy about it this though is because he’s seen ds literally twice since he was born four months ago. He and his girlfriend are currently expecting and while I understand that they are probably caught up in getting ready for their new addition and that might be why they aren’t visiting, but I just don’t think he’s shown enough care for my child to be called his godfather. Whenever we talk to him it’s all about his partners pregnancy and what their baby will be like and my baby isn’t even asked about. I’m really happy for them but I feel like I’m getting excited for their baby when they are not even slightly interested in the baby I’ve just had and I don’t want my child to have a godfather who doesn’t know him? When I try to mention my ds in a conversation, I’m just told hypothetical stories about what their baby will be like so there’s just zero interest. I just think with the lack of interest he’s having in my child, he isn’t best suited to being godfather. Please tell me if I am being unreasonable here because I really do feel awful about it.

Ah, your last response gives the real reason OP.

You don't really like this man.

I totally understand if he's a bit flakey in his relationship with your DH that you might be concerned about his longevity as a friend, let alone godfather. Does your DH have another friend who you think would be better?

You’re right, I don’t like him. I think he uses us. And I think the way he’s blatantly ignoring my child but asking us for said child’s things for his own child is another example of how he uses us. But, I respect my husbands decision to see the good in him and stay friends with him. I just don’t think he’s a suitable godparent, especially when he hasn’t ever taking the 2 seconds required to ask about him.
I know babies are boring and I don’t expect him to want to spend every moment with him. It’s actually made me quite sad that other posters think I’m a petty ‘snowflake’ who wants to be the centre of attention. I just know if I was someone’s godmother, I’d ask about them in a conversation about babies. Fair enough not asking out of the blue or taking time out to see a ‘boring’ four month old, but in the middle of a conversation that is literally all about babies, he could acknowledge that I have a baby, especially if he’s supposed to be godparent. I have a cousin who is a massive part of our church’s community. He has asked about the baby a couple of times and I think he’d actually be happy to be asked.

Why are you getting your child christened if you’re not religious? I Don’t get that! Picking a godparent should be the person that can show the best example to your child and show them the right way! If you don’t think your dhs friend is a good role model tell your dh and tell him why

surely its someone who will buy the biggest presents,

I wish it would let me edit that comment :(. I meant to say I’m not really religious, it was very badly worded! I an religious, but I’m not devout and I understand that some people don’t take the role as seriously as others. I’m not even asking for a particularly serious godparent - I don’t expect them to invest in the promise of renouncing the devil or have parental responsibility should something happen to me or dh, but bloody hell some love for the child is necessary. I don’t go to church every Sunday, but I am a part of our family church’s community and go regularly at Christmas, lent, etc.

YANBU. My child's godfather absolutely adores her. He didn't stop showing interest the moment he was then having his own child.

Ok. Then you need two godfathers. DH happy with his fickle mate and you have your cousin. Job done.

And you are not required to hand over any baby stuff unless you want to (and if you can accept it might be wrecked by the time it comes back!)

If you are a Christian who is confused about how to proceed with the Christening plans, why don’t you just pray about, and God will guide you so you will know what to do?

People on AIBU sometimes tend to name-call. I don't think you unreasonable in wanting someone whom you trust. like and is friends to all of you

I'd be putting that all to your DH

Godparents don't have parental responsibility though. That's a separate legal duty. Doesn't sound like you'd want him for that either

Its obvious this guy's a taker. Asking for hand me downs when your child is literally wearing/in them, is a piss take. And it is rude to talk constantly about your own child (as yet unborn) and not ask about someone else's, of course it is. It's called give and take, a proper conversation.

If your dh really, really wants this guy - although tbh it sounds as though it's a friendship exercise rather than in the best interests of his child - then just ask your cousin too, who sounds much more suitable.

But I'm pretty sure this guy's going to bring nothing to your child's life.

OP does the guy know your DH wants him to be godfather?

If not then I think YABU. I have 2 godchildren and a lot of other friends with children and I do make more of an effort with my godchildren, not because I'm not interested in the others but because I have a busy life, full time job and am pregnant myself.

If he doesn't know you plan to ask him, he's got his own baby on the way and your baby is still v young then I don't think his behaviour is unreasonable. He may step up once he knows.

It does sound as if he's being a bit of an arse inthat thr communicatiin with you is so one sided.

But the key quality of a godparent is not how they interact with the parents, but how they foster and develop the child's journey with God. So perhaps your DH is putting his trust in his best friend's faith.

Perhaps discuss with your vicar? Or cut out the middle man and pray for guidance?

We're having our ds christened soon and chosen godparents that adore him. I haven't even invited people that have shown no interest in me or him since he was born (5 months).
I'd say have an additional godfather, as it doesn't matter how many you have.
Him asking for hand me downs would annoy me too, like he's just using you for stuff. That would annoy me and make me not want to give him anything!!

“I’m not religious”

“Obviously I’m a Christian”

You know these two statements contradict each other right?

Have more than one godfather. My goddaughter has 6 godparents, 3 women, 3 men.

You've had some harsh responses on here, OP! I don't understand the posters making comments along the lines of, "What do you expect him to say (other than 'can I have the Moses basket')" and 'babies are really boring'. Surely it's not too difficult to manage a, "Oh, isn't he lovely" for a child for whom you are going to be a godparent? You would also think that a man who is just about to have his own baby might manage to muster a little interest in his best friend's baby! Unfortunately, I don't know that there's much that you can do beyond make your feelings clear to your DH and maybe choose another additional godfather if it really bothers you. Looking on the bright side, you will have babies of similar ages and maybe this will keep you all close in the future.

Oh, and don't give him any handmedowns unless you are sure you won't have another DC! Him asking for them would wind me up too

Sounds like your dh wants him as Godparent to try and make his friend closer to him, when really friend is flaky and self absorbed so it is a waste of time