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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Men don't have baby showed?

28 replies

LuLulota · 16/03/2018 11:08

I've posted before about newish workplace that is OTT at celebrating bdays but this totally tales the biscuit for me.
The wife of a colleague is expecting (actually offically they are pregnant ) and there is going to be a work baby shower. Everyone is invited to contribute to a collection and bring a gift.
AIBU to think this is barking ?
This is a professional organisation and so much time is given over to frivolous shite it's unbelievable.

OP posts:
sidewayswithatescotrolley · 16/03/2018 11:10

A collection AND a gift? A baby shower for a dude at work? Fuck that shit.

steff13 · 16/03/2018 11:11

We don't usually have a shower for men whose wives are expecting a baby where I work, but we do take up a collection for a gift. My brother's coworkers had a shower for him when my SIL was pregnant. It doesn't seem that odd to me.

LimonViola · 16/03/2018 11:12

I think it's nice as long as it's optional.

Always seems odd to me a baby shower is so strictly gendered. Both are becoming parents!

However if it's mandatory to give your time to it or to spend your own money on a gift then YANBU at all. It should be optional.

Origamoo · 16/03/2018 11:14

We would do a collection at work for a man whose partner/wife was expecting and I think that’s nice but yes I’d think a shower and gifts would be a bit OTT.

Bramble71 · 16/03/2018 11:15

I think it's a bit OTT. Well a lot, actually. It's quick likely the expectant mother will be having some sort of shower (gawd, isn't this all bloody ridiculous) at her workplace.

I agree with you, OP. It's absolutely stark staring bonkers.

SilentEm564 · 16/03/2018 11:17

I'd think a work baby shower was OOT regardless if it was a male or female colleague. Also a contribution to a collection AND a gift? I wouldn't do it.

A collection is fine in theory and a lovely gesture. But it depends if your workplace was the sort that pressurises 'donations' I can imagine how it can be unpleasant for some.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 16/03/2018 11:34

A collection is sweet. A work baby shower is ott and weird! I'd be finding an excuse to be out of office for that, sorry!

sidewayswithatescotrolley · 16/03/2018 11:37

Always seems odd to me a baby shower is so strictly gendered. Both are becoming parents!

Birth is strictly gendered, as is (almost always) the actual business of looking after the baby. Men usually have at most 2 weeks off, women have 6months to a year. It's hardly biased that women get the baby and maternity gifts!

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 16/03/2018 11:40

We do a collection for the mum-to-be but not the dad, however send flowers to both when the baby is born. To be honest, we're often not aware that someone is going to be/has become a dad as men don't go on about it so much.

Original poster
LuLulota · 16/03/2018 11:47

It's totally OTT. My own DH would absolutely die if surprised with a baby shower as would I TBH.

I've never experienced a workplace or even heard of somewhere like it Firms I've worked for in the past never acknowledged any personal events and I've never been part of a collection culture in any office.

I wouldn't be surprised to see a facepainter in the boardroom

OP posts:
elliejjtiny · 16/03/2018 12:01

Bit OTT I think. I've always had a small gift and card signed by everyone from dh's work when I had the dc's. That's normal I think. Everyone used to donate 50p- £1 or so for baby/leaving/birthdays and someone would buy the gift and pass the card round.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 16/03/2018 12:06

I think it's nice to buy a present - little gestures make the workplace a nicer environment, but work baby showers for either sex are overkill. They are something that friends organise, if so inclined.

GoodMorning1 · 16/03/2018 12:08

Men usually have at most 2 weeks off, women have 6months to a year. It's hardly biased that women get the baby and maternity gifts!

DP and me split the leave more evenly, although i know it's not that common to do this. Neither of us had a work baby shower (never heard of such a thing!) We both got given a gift for the baby by workmates who had taken up a collection.

HuskyMcClusky · 16/03/2018 12:10

It’s odd as fuck.Hmm I would be very unimpressed if I had to contribute to that bollocks in any way.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 16/03/2018 12:16

Baby showers, a pox on society generally and another unfortunate US import that appeals to the grabby and narcissistic.

NewYearNewMe18 · 16/03/2018 12:20

We certainly bought a baby gift for any colleague - male or female - who had a new addition.

Baby showers are a no-no in my book. As much as it might upset some, and I'm truly sorry, you just don't know the outcome of a pregnancy.

reddressblueshoes · 16/03/2018 12:24

We had cake and prosecco - as opposed to the more usual birthday cake and coffee- for a male colleague a few weeks before his wife was due, and the same for a female colleague just before she went on leave. Both got a card and John Lewis vouchers from a collection. I think it's nice- they were the first people in our team to have a child in almost a decade so it's not like it was a weekly occurance, and the whole thing took about thirty minutes. It can be a sign of colleagues with good relationships- I certainly think if a woman gets a gift when she's having a baby a man should as well.

That being said, I hate traditional baby showers, but actually the workplace is one situation where I think giving a gift before the baby arrives makes sense as the colleague presumably won't be back for a while after.

caoraich · 16/03/2018 12:25

I think baby showers in general are ott but a collection or group gift for either parent is nice.
One of my male colleagues recently went off on parental leave and no-one batted an eyelid at being part of a collection for some vouchers for his new addition!

Earlyup · 16/03/2018 12:25

I don't really like the idea of baby showers and wouldn't expect one for someone at work. I would, however, be happy to buy a male colleague a baby gift on birth as much as a female colleague.

I've only ever attended one baby shower, but that was for a couple and was very much a joint celebration with a chance to give a gift and advice.

Willow2017 · 16/03/2018 12:38

Collection or gift for baby yes.

Compulsory baby shower, gifts and collection fuck off. Thats taking the p. Bet the guy will be mortified.

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 16/03/2018 12:40

My old work did this, but it was a collection FOR a gift, not a collection AND gift. I didn’t really think anything of it tbh. Just thought it was quite a nice gesture.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 16/03/2018 12:43

I got a massive bunch of flowers and a lovely gift for ds from dh's colleagues. They did wait until he was born though. A baby shower would be a bit odd I think. My own colleagues threw one for me when I left and I felt decidedly weird about it.

sleepylittlebunnies · 16/03/2018 12:47

My DH’s work colleagues sent a beautiful bouquet for us both after the birth of DC1. Neither of us had baby showers but that was 10 years ago now.

abigailsnan · 16/03/2018 12:51

Totally over the top imo,I have been to baby showers where the mum to be's girlfriends and close family have been invited for an afternoon of baby talk and cute present giving but not for work collegues.
I have 2 to go to in the next few weeks one for DIL and one for DGD so apart from buying 2 pram combinations for new babes I will have to show up with more gifts for the showers.Its a good job I have a friendly bank manager he would think I gone off my head otherwise,I love it really ladies.

TheFlame · 16/03/2018 13:29

We did something like this: a card, a collection for a few gifts for the baby. We had a buffet for lunch (because buffets are popular in our place and barely need a excuse) and we did 'guess the baby photo' of famous people.

We did it because this is a big event for a member of our team that we wanted to acknowledge, and it was nice to spend 15 minutes all together not talking about work.