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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Given car away

78 replies

Hadsuchahardday · 15/03/2018 14:39

At Xmas D Neice spoke about having driving lessons and hoping to buy a little run-a-round. My DH said she could have his car (for free) as he was looking for a new car anyway. Said car had already been passed along to him from another person in all of our extended family. DN passed test and car was given over week or so later. Next month DN turns 18 and we are both wishing we’d said the car would be her present, we really don’t want to give her anything else. How can we get round this? Do we: send card and say nothing, send card and say’hope you’re enjoying the car’ (as a hint) or send card and write something to say that the car is the present- but not sure how to phrase that. Help MNetters.

OP posts:

DalekDalekDalek · 15/03/2018 15:56

I would buy a small car related gift just as a token or a bottle of wine.

You've already given her a (pretty big) gift for her birthday so you don't need to buy anything but if you feel uncomfortable then just get her something small.

givemeyourbadge · 15/03/2018 16:00

Actually, OP I think you need to tell us what your family normally spends on 18th Birthday presents. We can't tell if you're being tight or not.

If you'd normally spend £5000, then I'd say buy her a present you tight gits!

If you normally spend a tenner, then a card saying "happy birthday, hope you're enjoying the car!" and maybe a car air freshener would suffice.

OuaisMaisBon · 15/03/2018 16:01

If it's usual in your family of passing on second-hand stuff for free, as there seems to be, I would think you are being unnecessarily mean for your niece's 18th birthday, unless, as others have said, you are on your uppers (which I imagine you're not, if your DH has just bought himself a car). In your shoes, I would give her what I would have done were there not the car involved. I think you are conflating two separate things.

ginch · 15/03/2018 16:01

Unless there's some added value somewhere that you haven't mentioned, you're a right pair of cheapskates and it's the person who had the car before you who has given her the present.

BewareOfDragons · 15/03/2018 16:03

She's turning 18. She's your niece. You are close enough to have passed on a used car to her that you yourself received for free from a family member.

You don't sound very nice, tbh. Yes, you passed on an old car to her, but you knew you couldn't sell it without getting looks from your family who gave it to you ... so you weren't exactly being generous. You were getting rid of a car you needed to get rid of .

Buy the girl something for her 18th FFS and wish her well.

NotAllTimsWearCapes · 15/03/2018 16:05

For a 17 year old who just passed their test? Yes I can see your reasoning.

If you look just above your head you’ll see the point I was making.

mrsm43s · 15/03/2018 16:10

The car is a red herring - you passed on for free something you got for free, so its a nil value transaction, although lovely for your DN that has her first car to run round in.

Buy for her birthday what you would normally buy for her birthday.

HoneyDragon · 15/03/2018 16:12

Did you get her a card for passing her driving test?

Schlimbesserung · 15/03/2018 16:15

I'd send a card with a petrol voucher or something like that.

ariettyspaghetti · 15/03/2018 16:17

strangely tight. but whatever just get her a token/car accessory if your family are so black and white.

CoffeAndCream · 15/03/2018 16:17

I'm interested to know what the value of the car was - what could you have sold it for?
Just because something is free it doesn't mean it doesn't have a value!

MikeWyzowski · 15/03/2018 16:20

Give her a fuel card. Even £20 worth of petrol would be a welcome gift

NotSoSprightly · 15/03/2018 16:20

YAB so U. Why the heck won't you buy her a bottle of bubbly and some chocolates? She's his niece FGS and the car cost you nothing to buy or give away!

rslsys · 15/03/2018 16:29

AA Membership (other breakdown services are available)?

IAmWonkoTheSane · 15/03/2018 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrendasUmbrella · 15/03/2018 16:32

Yes, just send the card. If you'll be seeing her take her a cheap bottle of prosecco as well.

urakidurasquid · 15/03/2018 16:40

Unless there's either a huge drip feed coming or you can't afford to buy anything (In which case you'd have said you that rather than you don't WANT to give her anything), yabvu.

MacaroniPenguin · 15/03/2018 16:43

I dunno OP, I think when you get something for free then you pay it forward, that's just the way it works. So you passed on the car you got for free, and you still need to give her a bday present.

If you treat the car as her bday present it's a bit like being one of those people who is given handmedown baby gear then sells it all on. I appreciate you're not actually selling it but it comes down to £20 or whatever in your pocket from passing on something you were given for free. Give her a present. I think the fuel voucher's a great idea.

CurcubitaPepo · 15/03/2018 16:46

I second breakdown cover!!!

Katedotness1963 · 15/03/2018 16:49

You got the car for nothing, used it, passed it along to the newest driver in the family, and now you want to call it her birthday present? Her 18th birthday present?

Seems tight to me.

littlemisscomper · 15/03/2018 16:53

You can't get her nothing! It's not like you bought the car for thousands, and even if you had unless you explicitly said at the time it was for her birthday you can't turn around and say it was now. That would just be mean. Either get her something for the car like a cleaning kit/first aid kit/warning triangle and high vis vest, or just a £20 voucher for Halfords or fuel or whatever.

She's your NIECE and she's turning 18!!

lalalalyra · 15/03/2018 16:54

If the car was given to you by someone in the extended family then be sure and let them know that they don't need to give her a present either, given they are the ones who actually paid for the car.

scampimom · 15/03/2018 16:57

Do you not like your niece, or has she done something between then and now that makes you not want to give her anything?

stillcold · 15/03/2018 17:02

How about AA membership for a year?

GerdaLovesLili · 15/03/2018 17:04

Get her some breakdown cover to go with the car. I'd have been very happy with a free car (whatever its origins) as an 18th birthday gift, but apparently expectations have changed.

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