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AIBU?

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Original poster

Given car away

78 replies

Hadsuchahardday · 15/03/2018 14:39

At Xmas D Neice spoke about having driving lessons and hoping to buy a little run-a-round. My DH said she could have his car (for free) as he was looking for a new car anyway. Said car had already been passed along to him from another person in all of our extended family. DN passed test and car was given over week or so later. Next month DN turns 18 and we are both wishing we’d said the car would be her present, we really don’t want to give her anything else. How can we get round this? Do we: send card and say nothing, send card and say’hope you’re enjoying the car’ (as a hint) or send card and write something to say that the car is the present- but not sure how to phrase that. Help MNetters.

OP posts:
NotAllTimsWearCapes · 15/03/2018 15:05

A text I said grand. TBH I would decide how much you would normally spend on her birthday and divide the (say) £500 by that and that’s you covered for the next x many birthdays, isn’t it? That’s 20 years If you spend £25 a birthday. Don’t forget to deduct the cost of every text as well.

NotAllTimsWearCapes · 15/03/2018 15:06

Doesn’t mater if you have inclusive texts. You’re still being very generous texting her.

scurryfunge · 15/03/2018 15:10

Now you are just being silly NotAll

Blackteadrinker77 · 15/03/2018 15:12

Are you destitute?

I can't get my head around you not wanting to get her an 18th birthday present.

It doesn't matter that you re-gifted her something. You are choosing to not get her anything for her 18th.

NordicNobody · 15/03/2018 15:13

Is there a specific reason you don't want to get her anything else? Like, you're really short of cash ATM? If your finances are tight right now then I'd just send a card and maybe say "hope you're enjoying the car" but if you just don't want to get her anything because you already feel like you've given her something then I think yabu. Any other birthday maybe, but for an 18th I think if you can afford to be more generous then you should be. You have already been very generous though, and I think 18 is old enough to appreciate something small and sentimental over something needlessly expensive so I don't think you need to go overboard with a gift. Mind you, I honestly can't remember what my aunt and uncle got me for my 18th, but it definitely wasn't anything big and flashy. And I'm fairly sure my dad got me a travel laundry bag. I don't remember being bothered at the time and I'm certainly not bothered now!

NotAllTimsWearCapes · 15/03/2018 15:13

Now you are just being silly NotAll

You think? Wink

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/03/2018 15:16

I’d get her a little gift - maybe a key ring for the car keys, with some pretty charms on - I don’t think you need to give her a big gift.

I know your dh got the car for free, but he could have sold it on - even if it was only fit for scrap, he could have got c£100 for it, so it is actually a pretty big gift that you’ve given her.

whiskyowl · 15/03/2018 15:19

SDTG has it - get her a small gift connected with the car and a card that says "Enjoy the car - happy 18th". What about a car shaped necklace or a car charm?

Namechangetempissue · 15/03/2018 15:19

Why do you REALLY not want to give her anything else? Are you angry with her about something? Broke? When the car was given to your DH was the value deducted from his birthday gifts or was he expected to repay in some way?

SadieHH · 15/03/2018 15:20

She’s 17 and you gave her a car, doesn’t matter if you paid for it or not. Any 17yo would be overjoyed with their own car, that’s a huge deal. And not remotely similar to a fridge. Get her a card and something for the car or a bottle of fizz and that’s plenty.

DobbyisFREE · 15/03/2018 15:23

If it was me on the receiving end I wouldn't mind at all not getting anything as I'd still be chuffed over the car.

However, I love giving gifts and making people smile. As it's her 18th I would definitely get her a bottle. You can pick something up for less than a tenner and go down a treat as one of her first legal drinks.

A tenner doesn't seem like a steep price to pay for her to continue thinking you're an awesome aunt.

NotAllTimsWearCapes · 15/03/2018 15:23

And not remotely similar to a fridge.

Yes fridges are far more essential. You’re right:

IllustriouslyIllogical · 15/03/2018 15:24

I can't get my head around you not wanting to get her an 18th birthday present.

Agreed, it's only a niece, so a bottle of bubbly or a set of jump leads will be more than enough.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 15/03/2018 15:27

I'd just get her something small, perhaps a keyring like a PP suggested. My opinion could be skewed though. I don't have nieces or nephews and we've never sent a card to DH's let alone given them presents.

user1487194234 · 15/03/2018 15:35

Its surely 2 separate things
Give her a free x 2 car,good
Its her 18th ,am I getting her a present
Up to you but to me it would be really tight not to get her a decent present ,what you would have got her if there was no car
Mind you I might not be the best judge,i give my niece a bottle of Proseco every time I see her

BlurryFace · 15/03/2018 15:35

Aw, get her a nice card and a bottle of wine and some chocs, or something silly for her new-to-her car, like some fluffy dice or a little decal she might like (you can find all sorts on Amazon).

ChangChang · 15/03/2018 15:37

How about a nice keepsake-y keyring or something for her car keys? Never forgot my first car - that sense of freedom! That's a pretty good gift you've already given :)

Elendon · 15/03/2018 15:37

Give her a card with £20 in it.

Problem sorted.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 15/03/2018 15:41

You should have told her it was her birthday present at the time. The fact that you didn't makes it obvious you only thought this up later and tbh looks cheap. Please don't put anything about the car in her card, it just draws attention to the fact that you are trying to avoid spending money on a present.

Get her something small and personal to mark her 18th, doesn't have to be lavish. Could you explain your thinking to her parents to avoid any disappointment?

Witchend · 15/03/2018 15:41

I think as you got the car for free, it would be stingy to do that-unless you're going to dripfeed and say you're already paying insurance/tax for her.

We got given a car, when we needed a bigger one for 3 car seats, so we passed our old car to someone whose dc were learning to drive. As we'd got one free it would have felt really mean to charge for the one we were getting rid of.

I don't expect the 17yo would mind that much, but if I'd been the person to give you the car it would make me more reluctant to pass freebees your way in future.

If you would have given her a present you are basically saying "oh, by the way, I now want you to pay for the car which I offered you for free" which looks pretty bad doesn't it?

ButchyRestingFace · 15/03/2018 15:47

we really don’t want to give her anything else.

A box of chocolates would break the bank? Hmm

steff13 · 15/03/2018 15:47

we really don’t want to give her anything else.

This stood out to me in the OP. It's kind of a shitty thing to say, you don't want to give her anything else. Unless you're flat broke, which I suspect you aren't since you didn't say that, a card and a $20 gift card or something wouldn't go amiss.

FullMetalRabbit · 15/03/2018 15:48

I would give a card and a small token gift eg a £12 bottle of prosecco

Prosecco costs £12!!! Shock >>>>> misses point

DailyMailFail101 · 15/03/2018 15:53

I’d definitely give her a card and if you can’t really afford anything much then get her a thoughtful gift, photobook or similar if you have got a bit of spare cash then it’s a little mean not giving a gift, we all remember what it’s like to be 18.

SadieHH · 15/03/2018 15:53

Yes fridges are far more essential. You’re right:

For a 17 year old who just passed their test? Yes I can see your reasoning...