To think flatmate is unreasonable?

[EmiratesLadybird]

I ordered some food late at night and arrived at 2am - I asked them to leave outside and not ring bell. They rang bell once and I quietly went downstairs to collect. Everyone else in my flat slept soundly apart from one, who has asked that I make sure it never happens again... I have obviously apologised but I can’t promise to not do it ever again! Who is being fair? It was a one-off and I will do best to make sure I don’t wake anyone but it seems extreme to demand that

shoxfordian you obviously have never worked shifts or long ones. If you've been on your feet over 12 hours,get in at whatever time and have the option of starting cooking or having it brought to you while you collapse on the couch the take away becomes very tempting. Yes being woken isn't good but OP isn't being unreasonable ordering at that time.

Due to the layout of our house, cooking at 2am would disturb me just as much as the door bell. Previous sharers used to start cooking at midnight and even though they did their best to be super quiet, cooking utensils make noise.

So, no cooking at ungodly hours and wait for deliveries by the front door and you can't go wrong. Or you could take a can of baked beans into your bedroom to eat...cold of course.

I was in your flatmate's shoes a few times when my flatmate ordered with UberEats/Deliveroo in the middle of the night. I said something along the lines of "Did I imagine or was that the doorbell last night?" and he apologised.
Since then he's monitoring the app so he's by the door when the driver arrives.
Maybe you could do that in the future?

Thanks cucaracha for illustrating my point about people's self-centredness these days...

@schoolmoney

I've worked shifts before actually- thanks for making assumptions.

Its not difficult to buy in a pizza or whatever to stick in the oven for 10 minutes, you don't make any noise or wake anyone up- easy. It's very inconsiderate to have people ringing doorbells in the middle of the night and waking up your housemates.

If it was a one off then it won't be happening again.
I think waking up your flatmate at 2am by doorbell for takeaway, midweek especially, is pretty inconsiderate.

But she asked them not to ring the bell, so opening the door quietly would have been fine. OP didn't have it happen on purpose, flatmate is fair enough to be annoyed. Asking why someone orders food at 2am is irrelevant.

FluffyHippo
you are being utterly ridiculous. Some people are asleep at 7pm, some just came home from work at 2am, others are still up studying. Do you really expect the world to follow YOUR schedule regardless of their own activity? Who is self-centered here?

Occasionally being woken is part & parcel of the ‘joys’ of shared living where people are usually on different timetables. I don’t sleep a lot, or very deeply, so yeah, being woken up when I am is pretty bloody irritating, but then I’m sure that despite being as considerate as possible and creeping about, I’m sure I must have woken up others too.

She was unreasonable to ask you to ‘Make sure it never happens again’. She’s your flat mate, not your mother and not your Boss. There are far more appropriate ways of asking a flatmate to do/not do something that annoys you.

they;re unlikely to be happy to leave food at a doorstep though

I flat share and I have been woken by the buzzer before. I found with others if you let it go the first time it becomes the norm so your flatmate is not unreasonable to ask you to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

In my shoes where it has happened repeatedly it has ended up being reported to the management company and eventually said tenant was excited (however this was a regular occurrence and in conjunction with other serious issues).

I would have been downstairs waiting by the door at 2am. I guess that is being considerate.

But disturbances sometimes happen, I guess that is why your flatmate asked you not to do it again.

I think a good point here is this: if your actions woke someone up in the middle of the night, either inadvertently or not. then surely the only response is I'm sorry and it won't happen again? Not "god they are so unreasonable asking me to not wake them up in the middle of the night"?

The fact that OP went for the latter suggests a certain selfishness and self centredness that means she may not be the best flatmate in general.

Did you make a complaint? Usually this isn’t an issue with deliveroo/dominoes/whatever. But you have to complain to prevent it from becoming a problem.

*Nobody was BU.

I'd be pissed at being woken at 2am.

I don't think it's particularly unreasonable for them to say "make sure it never happens again". They're hardly going to say "make sure it doesn't happen occasionally ".*

This tbh your flatmate will get over it, I'd be grumpy If I got woken as well but it's not the end of the world

People who are light sleepers and flatshare need to buy earplugs and use them.

Maybe OP works shifts, hence wanting food at 2am.

People who are light sleepers and flatshare need to buy earplugs and use them

Or not live with selfish people?

You should have called the restaurant and not just put a delivery note. This way they would have told you they can't leave the food outside (!) and could have text when they arrive. I'd be pissed off if I was your housemate too.

You could have watched out the window/ waited by the door for the driver so they didn't need to use the doorbell. They probably aren't allowed to leave food on doorsteps.

They won't leave the food outside in case you claim you never received it, so YWBU to suggest that as a solution. Next time you need to be at the door or arrange for them to text you (and stick a note on the door to remind the delivery driver).

YABU At 2 am people are asleep so you shouldn't risk doorbells or footsteps if you live in shared accommodation.

If you work shifts or stumble in from a night out late, just have a microwave meal in the freezer and don't make yourself obnoxious.

cucaracha, loving the typical Mumsnet hyperbole - is it really 'utterly ridiculous' to expect someone living in a shared house to have some consideration for the other occupants? Is that really 'utterly ridiculous'? Or is it what normal, decent people do to ensure that everyone gets along fine and the world runs a bit more smoothly?

FluffyHippo
Stop looking for an argument, I did agree that the flatmate was perfectly reasonable and the OP not so much. What is ridiculous is questioning the fact that people need or want to eat at 2am.

Let's be honest, in most houses it is a hell more quieter to open a door and grab a takeaway from the delivery guy if he doesn't ring the door bell than using the microwave! Even a kettle is not that quiet.

I think you were being unfair prowling round at 2 am looking for pizza deliveries. When you share a flat you need to be more considerate of other folk. Keep more reasonable hours in future.