To think that super successful people...

[PonderingSpondering]

I’m aware that I’ll probably be flamed - if not banned for this thread. But I promise I’m not being goady. 100% genuine in being simply interested to know what the general consensus is here.

When you look at the offspring of super successful people, and by that I mean the likes of of Ghandi; Picasso; fuck, even Aaron Spelling for example — there is a familiar theme of their children just not being able to live up to the legend of their parent that I find deeply sad.

I work in an industry that has introduced me to some very famous people whose offspring have struggled their whole lives to, both establish their own identity and, shake off the monkey of their celebrated parent(s) reputation and public expectation.

Also, often, the children are shunted off to boarding school/full time nanny/full time help in order to not “get in the way” of the famous parent’s career.

AIBU to wonder why these people choose to have children in the first place if they are setting them up for a life of, yes, financially security but riddled with barriers and little time together from the beginning?

It’s called “ reversion to the mean”

Yes, YABU.

What work do you do that has allowed you to come into contact with enough "very famous people" to conclude that any children they have will suffer?

I’m inclined to agree with you Double

But, does that mean that the urge to procreate trumps the reality of the situation which is that essentially the child is brought up by a group of people employed by the parents, including psychologists, in order for the parents to be able to call themselves parents even though they actually do very little parenting themselves?

I thought this was about the difficulties of having famous/ successful parents but your follow up post makes it a poorly disguised bash working parents post

Blimey, not at all ariawa

Sorry if it came across that way.

I meant the thread to be about the difficulties of having famous/successful parents. As you say.

If it helps, my dad is super successful in his field.

It does sound like a bash on working parents.

Surely by that argument it is far far more selfish to have children if you are anything less than wealthy.
These children are being bought up in a financially stable environment.
A child being bought into the world by parents that cannot afford him/her is far more likely to suffer

IMO there's a big difference between the impact of having famous vs. successful parents

If your parent is some uber hedge fund manager that no-one has heard of outside those circles, then it's a lot easier than if your parents are Mick Jagger and Madonna.

Loads of non-successful people have children who struggle and fail too - parenting skills and lack of them cross all segments of society. None of these guys people realise they are going to fvck their kids up and probably don’t take any responsibility for it afterwards.

I think normally the children of very exceptional parents (exceptional in their given field not necessarily as parents) tend to turn out a bit above average but that’s way below expectations.

The intangible things that make someone highly successful are not entirely hereditary obviously. A lot of luck is involved as well as unusual drive. It’s also possible that the combination genetically that makes the parents so exceptionally individually is just not a strong genetic match,

The inverse is also true - extremely successful people don’t often have extremely successful parents.

I don’t think it is necessarily related to parenting either. Maybe it’s an impossible standard to live up to. Knowing you will never meet the same standards as mum or dad has got to be a motivation killer.

Taking th human factor out of it. An extremely successful racehorse very very rarely produces offspring with the same level of success. The offspring are often above average performers and generally improve the overall success of the bloodline in future generations but very rarely do they live up to the parent’s success.

It’s interesting that all of the replies so far have focused solely on the financial aspect.

My father is hugely successful in his field. And I’m lucky that, as a result, I don’t need to worry about mortgages or financial issues.

But whatabout other stuff?

Was it right that my brother and I was shunted off to boarding school aged six? And that I’m struggling in adulthood to find a partner who matches my parents, not least the public’s, expectations?

"Was it right that my brother and I was shunted off to boarding school aged six? And that I’m struggling in adulthood to find a partner who matches my parents, not least the public’s, expectations?"

Oh. I thought you were asking a psychological question generally and I was going to say there are quite a few people who have gone on to similar success as their folks.

But now I see this is about something deeply personal for you. I also have a father who is very successful and it's hard to cope with my feelings of inadequacy. Took me till I was about 40. I wasn't sent to boarding school but often wished I had been, ironically.

As for partner, ignore the public. And it sounds like you need to Crete a very big gap between you and your parents. Public image can still be maintained.

Ps I don't have money from my dad though,that probably changes the dynamic.

I must admit I think it must be AMAZING not to have to worry about £.

Can you talk to them about getting sent away at an early age?

You need to find a partner who matches your expectations not theirs e.g. loyal, decent etc

I'm not sure that I'd be expecting a child to be as successful as someone who had 'really made it' iyswim- often these successful people have had very lucky breaks, or just happen to be super clever -

In real terms though, perhaps they've over achieved in some areas, but others, like being a good parent, maybe they've failed, maybe that's down to boarding school/nannies etc and not nurturing their children themselves

Essentially we all middle through life someway or another, success I guess should be measured more in happiness

OP, it goes without saying that your feelings about boarding school should have been taken into account. But that doesn't mean very successful parents aren't parents. 'Parents' doesn't necessarily connote doing childcare yourself. There is room for difference between families here.

I’m aware that I’ll probably be flamed - if not banned for this thread.

It's not quite interesting enough for that.

Dear OP. You should find a partner that makes you happy. To hell with your parents' opinion.

But yes it is tough being the underachiever in the family. However, when this topic come up I always think of the scientist Niels Bohr. He got a Nobel price and so did two of his three sons. In that family you are an underachiever if you don't get a Nobel price! So I think the point is, to refrain from comparing yourself to other people and instead compare the present you to the old you and focus on being the best you instead of being an other version of a successful parent.

Step 1 might be to stop comparing your 'achievements' to your parents, OP. I feel very lucky to have a very large & diverse family from beggar drug addicts to senior professionals who regularly get name in news. As long as I'm above the beggars, I'm doing ok.

often, the children are shunted off to boarding school/full time nanny/full time help in order to not “get in the way” of the famous parent’s career.

In some cases it's also done for safety and stability. If the parent is travelling a lot a boarding school or nanny provides the child with a stable education, and boarding schools generally have higher security standards, which is a concern for famous/wealthy parents as there children might be targets for kidnapping/violence.

Agree with pp who said reversion to the mean. Children of famous people have specific struggles, but most of the time children of super successful non famous people just don't have the same exact makeup/exact circumstances that enabled their parent to succeed brilliantly, they might still do well on their own terms.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

So don't compare and define your own version of success. TBH, success in my eyes is not packing your children off to boarding school at the age of 6.

I think I read somewhere about some research that suggested children of the super rich tended to have more mental health issues than the general population. I think it was mostly attributed to kids rarely seeing their parents and their upbringing being effectively outsourced to others.