Stuck between a rock and a hard place.

[tobeworriedabouthis]

It's my anniversary coming up. I have to be away with work, so promised to make it up to my wife the day after. Haven't booked anything yet but have a few options, DW wants to go away. Ex called and asked if I could have DC that weekend on top of regular contact order. Won't tell me why, but that it's essential that she has weekend free to deal with 'something' - told her I couldn't as have plans to be away. She lost it, told me I was disgusting and hung up on me. Minutes later DC called in floods of tears, saying that they would have to miss selection grading because I won't take them and mum can't. Huge tantrum followed, tried to reason/calm down DC - they hung up. Looked at DW's calendar and she has work/or a race every week in the following 6. So to postpone isn't really an option ..... what do it do? I will upset DW by cancelling or upset DC if I can't help out (No family to help)

I'm stuck between thinking that you should tell your ex no & taking this chance to do something with your daughter that is important to her.

Is there not time in the weekend to take your daughter to the grading & celebrate your anniversary?

i would be cynical here - i am certain she is doing it because it is your anniversary weekend.

You will be blamed that it is your fault she cant do grading. TBH we have had this for years. Sudden funerals on saturday, non existent holidays, car "breakdowns". all a pattern of low level grief. And all your fault you see. We had things being organised for our weekends even though they are in the diary a year in advance. The holiday was a classic having to shift around an entire summer's worth of arrangements to accommodate a holiday overseas which had been booked for months. It never happened.

Sounds like you are getting this here

You've already cancelled a weekend away with your wife because your dd threw a tantrum about you doing something on the weekend she wasn't due to be with you. Now you've booked a weekend away with your wife and your ex has suddenly got something important on, but not important enough to say what it is, and wants you to cancel the weekend away for a second time.

Your wife is already feeling sidelined and I can't say I blame her. Yes she knew you had a child but that doesn't mean giving up all rights to time with you on the weekend you aren't due to have your child. That's the whole point of contact schedules so that both sides know when they can do things without having to consider childcare.

Go away for the weekend, enjoy it with your wife.

If you cancel, again, I guarantee every time you plan something with your wife either your dd will throw a tantrum or your ex will have 'something important' meaning you have to cancel on your wife.

It's your ex's weekend with the dc so it's up to her to sort childcare.

normally I would be on the side of the child and say they must come first, but not this time, it is ok to say no and put your wife first, you have already cancelled once because your child had a tantrum no doubt encouraged by her mother, and now you are considering doing it again.

Unless the mother was hospitalised or it was a genuine emergency there is no way you should cancel.

I hope you and your wife enjoy your weekend away, tell her to book that deal she has found

So, what did you do OP?