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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu or is this expecting too much?

51 replies

alligatortoss · 14/03/2018 07:20

Friend was in a car accident, she’s gone back into hospital and on a drip. We’ve spoken on the phone, we’ve text a lot and she also sent me many photos of her in her hospital bed (not quite sure regarding the last one.)

Anyway I had surgery yesterday and have a 2 night stay in hospital. I text her last night to see how she was and say that I had my op.

She text back and didn’t acknowledge anything about mine. Not even a how are you doing?

Am I expecting too much?

OP posts:
RochelleGoyle · 14/03/2018 07:22

Nope, YANBU. Some people are very self-absorbed!

Makingworkwork · 14/03/2018 07:22

Yes, she has just had an anaesthetic and is probably really not with it. Add to that experiencing a traumatic event, being in pain and probably not getting much sleep.

Slartybartfast · 14/03/2018 07:23

yes i think you are, people become self centered when in hospital, when ill

Makingworkwork · 14/03/2018 07:23

Sorry I have flu and read that wrong. No you are not being unreasonable.

Ohyesiam · 14/03/2018 07:24

When was her accident?

AtrociousCircumstance · 14/03/2018 07:25

She’s self absorbed. YANBU. It’s good in a way that these eye-opening moments happen. Bear this in mind when you devote time and energy to supporting someone - other friends will be more reciprocal.

Original poster
alligatortoss · 14/03/2018 07:26

I had just come out of having anaesthetic, on a drip and in a lot of pain and sleeping on and off but I still managed to respond to her text.

Not comparing as obviously hers is worse.

But she’s well enough to send selfies and upload to snapchat. I’d just assume she was able to ask how I was when I specifically told her I’d had my op and it’s not like I expected her to remember.

OP posts:
Original poster
alligatortoss · 14/03/2018 07:26

When was her accident?

A week ago

OP posts:
Slartybartfast · 14/03/2018 07:27

dont dwell on it op

Charley50 · 14/03/2018 07:34

Don't dwell on it. It's no big deal. You're friends.

Lizzie48 · 14/03/2018 07:39

If your friend's on Mumsnet she'll know you're talking about her, OP, this is quite outing, I think.

YANBU, she could have offered you some sympathy at least, it would just have taken a moment to send you a get well message. Thanks

LifeBeginsAtGin · 14/03/2018 07:52

You are invading her territory. She's the one in hospital getting all the attention and now you are in hospital and she has to share that attention.

Get well soon.

ShatnersWig · 14/03/2018 08:14

If your friend's on Mumsnet she'll know you're talking about her, OP, this is quite outing, I think.

So? Maybe it will make friend realise she's being a bit self centred.

Anyway, my guess is that there are more women in the UK who aren't regularly on MN than are, and probably more than just two women in hospital at the moment for whom this tale could apply, so I'd not exactly lose sleep over it.

Lizzie48 · 14/03/2018 08:59

Ok, whatever. I think if the friend is on her phone as much as is apparently the case, there's a fair enough chance she will be on Mumsnet. But yes maybe it will be a wake-up call.

Anyway, I hope you make a speedy recovery from your op, OP. Smile

Willow2017 · 14/03/2018 09:28

She doesnt want you stealing her thunder!

She is 'in hospital on a drip' she is making sure the world and his wife knows with all the updates and photos (why do people do this?) she isnt interested in how you are, you could be feeling worse and she would have to spend time on you giving sympathy, asking how you are etc taking precious time away from her sm updating you selfish person you!

Get well soon, ignore her for a while it will drive her mad she isnt getting attention.

Yes, she has just had an anaesthetic and is probably really not with it. Add to that experiencing a traumatic event, being in pain and probably not getting much sleep.

How do you work that out from she went back into hospital to go on a drip? Op didnt mention she needed an operation.

LeighaJ · 14/03/2018 09:33

She's being self-absorbed, if she's well enough to be taking a bunch of selfies, playing on social media, and moaning about how she feels to you via text then she's well enough to ask how you're feeling after your operation.

Iooselipssinkships · 14/03/2018 09:40

Focus on yourself and your recovery OP. It's a friend you don't need. Get well soon.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 14/03/2018 09:54

You are invading her territory. She's the one in hospital getting all the attention and now you are in hospital and she has to share that attention

She doesnt want you stealing her thunder!

People are so fucking nasty. She’s just had a serious accident and is probably still in some level of shock. She’s probably on drugs making her not entirely with it and could possibly even have some degree of head injury.

But instead of pointing out all the entirely reasonable possible explanations let’s all pile on a very sick woman who’s been through a traumatic time with the added bonus of making the OP who is vulnerable herself feel neglected and rejected.

So sorry you’re not well OP, hope you feel better soon. Have some Flowers. Give your friend a bit of slack, she’s had a really big shock. It’s understandable though to feel the way you do when you’re also a bit vulnerable. But I doubt it’s personal or that she doesn’t care.

Willow2017 · 14/03/2018 10:30

Elton
People are so fucking nasty. She’s just had a serious accident and is probably still in some level of shock. She’s probably on drugs making her not entirely with it and could possibly even have some degree of head injury.

RTT!

OP didnt say it was a 'serious' accident. Many car accidents are not serious!
The accident was a week ago
This 'very sick' woman is posting selfies on fb and making sure everyone knows she is in hospital on snapchat. Being on a drip isnt life threatening!

OP has just had an operation and its not unreasonable for her friend to ask how she is is it?

Eltonjohnssyrup · 14/03/2018 10:38

She’s been in hospital for a week. You don’t get kept in hospital for a week with cuts and bruises. Plus the OP says her injuries are ‘worse’ than her surgery. So I think it’s pretty fair to say she’s probably pretty badly injured.

A poster up thread said she read a post wrong because she had flu. FFS, a week after an accident serious enough to keep you in hospital for a week you’re going to feel worse than someone with the flu. She probably only skim read and saw ‘hospital’ and ‘surgery’ and thought it was about her.

Willow2017 · 14/03/2018 10:51

She’s been in hospital for a week. No she hasnt. She has gone back into hospital the accident was a week ago.

She really cant be that bad if she is taking bloody selfies and posting on sm about her stay!

OP is her friend and has just had an operation the least she can do is ask how she is feeling.

Original poster
alligatortoss · 14/03/2018 22:58

So this evening she rang me and I said how are you, and she said I’m on a drip and I replied with yeah me too.

Deadly silence.

Then she just carried on talking about something else.

I actually see her completely differently now.

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 14/03/2018 23:56

Thats a shame alligator what a time to show her true self absorbed nature. Well at least now you know you can decide what to do about it.

Hope you recover from the op pdq and are home soon.

RosemaryHoight · 15/03/2018 00:03

I just think that pain makes you selfish. Not to judge you or your friend, but just that pain makes you selfish.

DalekDalekDalek · 15/03/2018 00:07

This seems very childish. She's had an accident, you've had surgery but your bothered that you've text her more. Is it a competition? Maybe she's asleep, maybe she is drugged out of her mind on pain killers? Who knows but judging her on this is silly.

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