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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu or is this expecting too much?

51 replies

alligatortoss · 14/03/2018 07:20

Friend was in a car accident, she’s gone back into hospital and on a drip. We’ve spoken on the phone, we’ve text a lot and she also sent me many photos of her in her hospital bed (not quite sure regarding the last one.)

Anyway I had surgery yesterday and have a 2 night stay in hospital. I text her last night to see how she was and say that I had my op.

She text back and didn’t acknowledge anything about mine. Not even a how are you doing?

Am I expecting too much?

OP posts:

Bolokov · 15/03/2018 00:40

People can be so competitive.

DalekDalekDalek · 15/03/2018 00:43

Many car accidents are not serious!

What utter bollocks Willow

Generally an accident that leaves someone injured enough for a hospital stay is pretty serious. Hospitals don't keep people in for shits and giggles.

Bolokov · 15/03/2018 00:52

Went to a work related course on understanding bereavement. Course leader had lost her husband in tragic circumstances 10 years ago. obviously she referred to her own experiences to explain grief and loss to the group which was fine. We were encouraged to reflect on our own experiences and I mentioned that my wife had died 9 months ago in her 40s. I was shut down by the teacher who quickly changed the subject.

Willow2017 · 15/03/2018 00:55

Again
If she is posting selfies on fb and chatting on sm to others she was obviously not in dire straits and drugged up to the eyeballs. The least she could do was ask her friend how she was. She wasnt in hospital for a week as pp decided. She had a drip same as op but seems to think that that is a big deal and as soon as op said so was she there was silence and she changed the subject. Thats selfish by any standards. She obviously only called op to tell her all about herself with no interest in ops health at all.

CherryMaDeary · 15/03/2018 02:28

Yeah I wouldn't be bothering much with her anymore. If you're taking selfies then you're not in that much pain.

Areyousureaboutthat · 15/03/2018 02:54

Just out of interest, was your surgery something unnecessary and/or cosmetic? She may have a hard time comparing your experience to her rather terrifying and upsetting one.

Areyousureaboutthat · 15/03/2018 02:57

She may have also gone silent and changed the subject because she
a) had forgotten what you'd gone in for but was too embarrassed to admit it, or
b) disagree with it (if unnecessary boob job/lipo, etc) and therefore not want to discuss it further.

Original poster

alligatortoss · 15/03/2018 06:07

This seems very childish. She's had an accident, you've had surgery but your bothered that you've text her more. Is it a competition? Maybe she's asleep, maybe she is drugged out of her mind on pain killers? Who knows but judging her on this is silly.

Someone clearly didn’t read the thread. It’s also baffling some theories people construct to fit their own agenda.

OP posts:

TheMaddHugger · 15/03/2018 07:41

@alligatortoss (((((((Hugs))))))))

Lizzie48 · 15/03/2018 08:03

She does sound very self absorbed, only wanting to talk about herself. I'm sorry, @alligatortoss she's not a real friend.

Areyousureaboutthat · 15/03/2018 11:32

It’s also baffling some theories people construct to fit their own agenda.
Erm, not sure what you mean by this, op. No-one here has an agenda, ppl are giving you alternatives as to why this happened. What do you mean exactly?

DalekDalekDalek · 15/03/2018 11:56

Someone did read the thread but is making alternative suggestions as to what could have caused it. It seems a pathetic reason to fall out with a friend over but there you go.

Original poster

alligatortoss · 15/03/2018 12:35

Someone did read the thread but is making alternative suggestions as to what could have caused it. It seems a pathetic reason to fall out with a friend over but there you go.

Well you clearly didn’t if you think it’s about a texting competition.

I don’t get what you mean by she could be drugged up on pain meds’ or asleep. When I’m specifically talking about times she’s contacted me and I mentioned my op and she just bypassed it.

Even this morning she’s messaging me and still hasn’t once asked how my op went or how I’m feeling. A friend should care like I did.

OP posts:

AtrociousCircumstance · 15/03/2018 15:26

Yes it’s basic manners. Some people are totally self absorbed.

Areyousureaboutthat · 15/03/2018 19:53

Even this morning she’s messaging me and still hasn’t once asked how my op went or how I’m feeling. A friend should care like I did.
Why don't you start going into detail about it while having a conversation then? Seems like your not happy to accept other people's suggestions, and none else can tell you for definite apart from her.
Still don't get what you meant by It’s also baffling some theories people construct to fit their own agenda. What agenda?

Ellendegeneres · 15/03/2018 20:23

Oh op I’m sorry. How are you feeling?
I’m always so aware when people ask me how I am, even in the depths of a mh crisis or when my physical health is horrendous, to check how the person engaging with me is. I often find that someone will ask how I am because they need to let off steam and vent- which is what friendship is about.

In your shoes (or hospital bed) I’d be reconsidering the closest of the friendship given she’s now ignored you mentioning your hospital stay and still on about herself.
I’d recommend possibly taking a step back and letting her go to others for her attention. You need people who want to and will be around to support you for what you have going on. She is not that right now.

Ellendegeneres · 15/03/2018 20:25

*closeness not closest!

Willow2017 · 15/03/2018 21:08

Well there are some fantastic assumptions on this thread.

Poor woman is in so much pain and drugged up to the eyeballs its amazing how she can continue chatting on social media, all day and post selfies and call op isnt it ?

She has been in hospital for a week poor thing she must be so seriously hurt, er no she hasnt.

Op is being mean to expect a friend to ask how she is after having an operation herself what a selfish way to behave!

Mn is getting to the point that any thread is fair game to have the op ripped apart because people dont rtt properly or dont actially want to cos its much more fun to make it up and hope others take the baton and run with it.

Lizzie48 · 15/03/2018 21:39

@Willow2017 Of course, it's AIBU, so some posters just look for a way to be able to reply YABU. What's the truth compared to a good YABU? But anyone on Mumsnet for any length of time knows what to expect on here.

Fuller2018 · 16/03/2018 01:33

This!!!!

ilovesooty · 16/03/2018 02:02

Bolokov that's awful. I'm so sorry you weren't heard

Willow2017 · 16/03/2018 08:04

lizzie
But really there is no need to be
so awful to people just because you feel like making something up that isnt what op said at all.

AIBU is just a question, sometimes funny but sometimes op needs a bit of assurance or hand hold. Its not 'can you misconstrue what i said and rip me a new one please'?
No need from grown adults at all.

Lizzie48 · 16/03/2018 09:57

I'm not saying it's nice at all, and I wouldn't do it myself. I was giving my opinion on the mindset that some seem to have on here, it's like being in the playground sometimes. And no, I guess those posters are not very nice, that's the thing.

CherryMaDeary · 16/03/2018 13:01

@Areyousureaboutthat and @Dalek

You both sound awful and do have a bit of an agenda. Leave OP alone.

Areyousureaboutthat · 16/03/2018 13:25

I thought I'd just given a few possible alternatives. Sorry to offend!

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