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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely livid at dd?

70 replies

parfinter · 13/03/2018 20:25

So I have just been informed that dd (14) has been snorting ibuprofen (?!) at school this lunchtime. I’m so disappointed after all the conversations we’ve had over peer pressure and the like. Obviously this is not ok, but I can’t seem to get her to understand how bad this is. She doesn’t think it’s that bad as ‘it said when she looked it up’. :(

How can I make her understand how bad this is :(

OP posts:
DinkyDaisy · 13/03/2018 21:23

Gosh- learn something new every day!
Are school offering support?
She needs to stop in case escalates. Just so bizarre and yes- if my ds did it I would be cross, bemused and worried.
Good luck.

DinkyDaisy · 13/03/2018 21:24

Scaring her does seem a plan I have to say...
She needs to stop now...

DontDrinkDontSmoke · 13/03/2018 21:29

I’ve never heard of snorting Ibruprofen. When I was at school the boys snorted whisky.

My crap sinuses have always kept me away from snorting things...yuck

ToastyFingers · 13/03/2018 21:32

Take her to the police station?!?
For ibuprofen? The perfectly legal, over the counter drug that is even licensed for use in infants?
What do you think the police would do? I'd be surprised if they'd be able to contain their laughter.

Op, snorting ibuprofen is a really stupid thing to do, and whilst it isn't inherently harmful, it can't be good for your nose or lungs. I'd be having a chat about not making a fool of one's self, and doing daft things to fit in but I think if spare the march to the police station just yet.

upsideup · 13/03/2018 21:38

Definately dont punish her! Why do people always jump into punishing, what is that going to achive?
Talk to her, listen to her, educate her. Dont be livid, be worried.

upsideup · 13/03/2018 21:39

From experience, I would take her to the Police station & frighten the shit out of her.

Shes not breaking the law? The police have better things to do than parent peoples children.

CuboidalSlipshoddy · 13/03/2018 21:43

From experience, I would take her to the Police station & frighten the shit out of her.

What? "My daughter has done something entirely legal, involving a legal OTC analgesic which can legally be sold to 12 year olds. Could you please show her your walkie-talkie and let her pat the nice doggy, please?"

FFS.

Next week: "I'm a police officer. AIBU to think the silly woman who wanted me to tell her daughter off for doing something legal is a bit of an idiot? Anyway, we had a good laugh, but we had got some work to do. You know, real criminals, and all that."

Qvar · 13/03/2018 21:43

the police will laugh in the OP's face if she turns up and whines that her daughter was naughty. The police are there to protect you from dangerous criminals, not strongarm 14 year old children into not being teenagers any more.

Raver84 · 13/03/2018 21:48

How do you know it was ibroprofen and not actual coke? Did she tell you that? Erm ok then...

londonista · 13/03/2018 21:56

We used to smoke all sorts of weird things. Basically any combustible material that could be put in a doobie.

I agree it's a bit of a stupid thing - it can't feel good though surely? Or produce any kind of high?

Don't kids try to dry and smoke banana skin anymore? No? Just me??! Grin

QueenNefertitty · 13/03/2018 21:57

I think punishing her will be hugely counterproductive. Take it from someone who's been there - all you do is make her feel 'misunderstood' and 'rebellious' and like she wants to do some big 'fuck you' gesture.

Which will be worse than snorting bloody ibuprofen (silly goose)

If I were you, I wouldn't worry about this as indicative of being likely to cane class As in future (the last generation or so are generally very clean living) - more that she's got a propensity for doing daft stuff to impress her peers.

Show her some pictures of collapsed noses, and tell her about my ex boyfriend Cracky Chris, who stank of TCP because he'd snorted so much china, the inside of his nose was literally an open wound, and he had to douche it with TCP.
Cracky Chris was beautiful, looked a bit like a vagabond Jesus, but the TCP was a maj turnoff.

QueenNefertitty · 13/03/2018 21:58

@londonista

I smoked banana skin.
And bay leaves (?!)

Most damagingly, for a few years when I was living on boats and going round with Artists, I smoked rollies with liquorice papers - and often no filters.

I miss them days.

CuboidalSlipshoddy · 13/03/2018 21:58

How do you know it was ibroprofen and not actual coke?

Perhaps they had two bags of grass, 75 pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers ... and also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, a pint of raw ether and two dozen amyls?

I mean, 14 year olds...

QueenNefertitty · 13/03/2018 22:02

@cuboidal

You just described a weekend with Cracky Chris Grin

ReggaetonLente · 13/03/2018 22:05

Surely it was a joke? Or a dare?

At 14 i got dared to snort Lemsip, and did it. My friend drank out of a puddle ffs! And this was at a girls’ grammar so we were supposed to be bright!

Nothing more to it than being silly teenagers.

I doubt she’s going to develop a raging ibuprofen habit. I really wouldn’t give this another thought, just laugh at her and tell her she’s an idiot.

SleightOfMind · 13/03/2018 22:12

Talking rather than punishing here definitely.

I’d keep it open but subtly look to discover why she and her friends thought snorting things might be fun?
If one of her friends has experimented with harder drugs, or has older siblings who have talked openly about this, then it would be good to be aware.

At 14, you’re on the cusp of having zero influence over what she gets up to. She’s going to be hugely directed by her peer group for a while. Make sure you’re supportive and know all about her friends.

If she does tell you that someone has discussed snorting coke etc, talk to her honestly about the positive effects (show you understand) and negative consequences (scary nose pix etc!)
Also talk to her about how abusers often use these drugs to get a hold on their victim, then use the original victim to draw in their friends.

And then give her a massive hug and trust her.

Full disclaimer: I put enormous amounts of utter stupidity up my snout pre DC!

SleightOfMind · 13/03/2018 22:15

Cracky Chris Grin

pudding21 · 13/03/2018 22:15

I also smoked banana leaves, and once tried to convince a friend of ours what we sold her was hash. It was oxo cube FFS. We thought we were sooooo cool. I look back with shame. Ibuprofen is a new one on me, but I would calmly sit her down and tell her you know, and show her some facts on it.

Disclaimer, I turned out ok. I had a couple of years being a bit wack, but I knew my limits and I educated myself. I wish my parents had been a bit more open about it. Its a fact of life now, that kids get exposed to all sorts, I guess the most important thing to teach them is that they make their own choices. And how to make informed choices and understand the risks or benefits there might be. Its a tough age, I remember it well.

londonista · 13/03/2018 22:25

Phew glad it wasn't just me with my banana skins!

OP I haven't looked it up, but I believe Talk to Frank is a good source of inspiration for even quite benign teenager explorations.

TheBlindspot · 13/03/2018 22:29

I wouldn't punish her actually. I'd sit her down and talk to her, and get through to her that it's a stupid thing to do. She needs to be able to come to you, not be scared that if she does a silly thing and she confides in you you'll go batshit.

Teenagers do stupid things - if she was messing with illegal drugs I'd have a different opinion, but honestly if she's generally a good kid and isn't in trouble usually then I'd let it go, after a discussion about it and about making sure she isn't breaking school rules. . I never snorted ibuprofen, but me and two friends did have an interesting night out (at the local park) after snorting vodka when we were about fifteen. Silly sods, it burned like hell and I never snorted anything else! I wasn't quite as stupid as the lad that dripped vodka into his eye though....

Other kids snorted different things - it was basically just idiotic showing off. None of us ever ended up abusing (or in my case, even taking) illegal drugs.

SaffyMcDonut · 13/03/2018 22:30

is it possible to move her to another school? punish her? WTF??? What a stupid response. Do people who reply like this actually have teenagers?

Coyoacan · 13/03/2018 22:32

Well, OP, my tactic when my dd was young was to tell about the effects of each and every drug I knew about as honestly as possible. It's all very well telling your dd to resist peer pressure but she has to have a reason to do so.

She is getting of an age where she has to take responsability for her own body and health, give her the elements. If she wants to damage her body at least let her do it with her eyes wide open.

midnightmisssuki · 13/03/2018 22:33

This is a thing now? What happens when you do? It’s a numbing agent isn’t it - not something to make you high? I would be more worried that she thinks ‘snorting stuff’ is cool....

Notavictimbutasurvivor · 13/03/2018 22:43

@fra the last few posts I have read have been full of your posts that have been deleted by HQ. Reel it in will you Biscuit

Nousernameforme · 13/03/2018 22:48

I would laugh and call her a plonker I think.
Don't give her 20 questions all you are likely to get in response is a shamefaced dunno felt like it as a reply.

I don't think it is too big a deal she is experimenting and if you blow this up she is likely to go bigger and be more secretive about it.

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