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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unfair school run?

62 replies

upsideup · 13/03/2018 16:13

Up untill last year my DH was sharing the school run to the junior school with our NDNs, so he would drive their two one day and they would drive ours the next. last september another neighbours twins started at the school and as he is the only one with a 7 steater he's the only one who can take all 6 children at once so has slowly ended up doing all drop offs and pick ups.

To take the other twins aswell he has to use our bigger car which costs a lot more in petrol, they never say thankyou, often cause arguements about where they are sitting, needing to swap seats and nedding DH to pull over so they can g to the toilet every journey, they also make so much mess of the car spilling food and leaving rubbish on the floor.

AIBU to think this is incredibly unfair? Can we just stop offering the lift to the twins unless the favour is returned in someway? What can we suggest?

OP posts:
bonnyshide · 13/03/2018 17:15

'Sorry guys, the lift arrangement isn't working for us anymore, we'll continue until end of the week, but from next week on we won't be shared by lifts, thanks'

mickeysminnie · 13/03/2018 17:16

Why would you agree to this in the first place?

Miloarmadillo2 · 13/03/2018 17:17

The Easter holidays are coming up, perfect timing to draw a line and tell the CF to sort themselves out next term. What is your ideal solution? Could you go back to the turn-taking with the first set of neighbours? Or would you prefer just to take your own children in your smaller car?

LagunaBubbles · 13/03/2018 17:21

Why did he agree to this in the first place?

Justgivemesomepeace · 13/03/2018 17:24

I'd just say there are too many children, it's making it difficult to drive safely as its distracting with the arguments and so many to keep an eye on and I wouldn't be doing it any more.

Inertia · 13/03/2018 17:27

I don't understand how you ended up in this position- why didn't occur to anyone else that the parents of the twins couldn't accommodate all the children?

happygirly1 · 13/03/2018 17:33

Is there a reason the parents of the twins can't take them to school?
I'd maybe speak to them and say that the reason you take the other child is that you have a reciprocal agreement with their parents about sharing the duties. If they can't offer the same you're effectively just giving free lifts to everyone, twice a day, every day.

Can you either go back to the original agreement with the other parents and let the twins parents take them to school, or agree to being the only one that drives but agree a weekly petrol allowance from both sets of parents?

ADishBestEatenCold · 13/03/2018 17:33

"they also make so much mess of the car spilling food and leaving rubbish on the floor"

Why are they allowed to eat food in the car?

If your DH does (say) the morning drop offs (1 x big car with 6 children) and both of the neighbour do the afternoon pick-ups (1 x small car with 3 or 4 children and 1 x small car with 3 or 2 children). That way each family does 5 journeys (instead of the 10 they would do if everyone took their own children).

expatinscotland · 13/03/2018 17:36

No idea why he agreed to this in the first place, but if you lay like a rug, you can expect someone to try to wipe their feet on you. You have two options: either grow a spine and tell these parents that you cannot offer this anymore without X amount of money/week in advance or tell all of them the deal is completely off as you feel used.

As for enabling those twins to misbehave in your own car, are you always this wet? For real? It's YOUR car! Why on Earth are you letting them call the shots. FUCK that. Any kid getting a lift in my car doesn't eat, drink, get to switch seats, etc. And no pulling over. You pick them up and say, 'You sit where I tell you. NO food or drink in the car. NO pulling over.' And if they disobey you tell their folks, 'No more taking them. They don't obey the rules in my car. They act like I'm a chauffeur.' A taxi driver who had a passenger behaving like that would have no problem pulling over and ordering them out.

I'm not surprised these people are taking advantage of you, you're allowing it. And their kids are going up to be the same type of entitled pisstakers that they are.

Original poster
upsideup · 13/03/2018 17:40

DH organises it, I am just begginign to get really annoyed on his behalf (hes too laid back and polite, so will easily agree to things without thinking them through and just put up with stuff even if hes being all walked over)
To begin with the twins parents were doing some of it themselves, and the original neighbours were still doing every other other day but then we had two seperate parents driving and dh just slowely ended up doing it all

OP posts:
BrexTit · 13/03/2018 17:41

Doesn't that actually mean that he does it and has no issue with it, since he organised it that way in the first place?

TheTab · 13/03/2018 17:41

As above. I am not sure how you got into taking the twins once let alone every day?

Original poster
upsideup · 13/03/2018 17:43

Your are right, we are just going to say we cant continue doing this without anything in return. I just wanted to check we wouldnt be rude to do so, and ask for advice on how best to do it.

OP posts:
sportyfool · 13/03/2018 17:45

Fuck that shit , just pick a date in the future and say you aren't doing it anymore from then because it's causing problems with cars and works etc . Stuck to it .

fortifiedwithtea · 13/03/2018 17:54

Tell neighbours you have renewed your car insurance with a cheaper insurer and sorry car sharing is specifically excluded.

FWIW I had to go to a meeting last week and asked someone also going to the same meeting whether I might be able to have a lift (I don't drive due to epilepsy). This was the excuse given why I could not be given a lift Hmm I didn't believe him as such an exclusion is rare but I couldn't argue with it. No insurance , no lift simple.

juneau · 13/03/2018 17:54

I would tell the twins' parents that you can no longer take the children to school. As for the NDNs, tell them that you want to go back to the original, shared runs. The current arrangement is nuts IMO. Why is your DH allowing these other people to take such a massive advantage of him? He needs to grow a pair, quite honestly and learn to call out CFs.

Katedotness1963 · 13/03/2018 17:57

How far is school that the kids are needing food and toilet breaks between home and there?

I would not be responsible for someone else's children who would sit safely in the car. And absolutely no food/drinks!

AlpacaLypse · 13/03/2018 17:57

No don't do the car insurance specifically excluding car insurance story! If you do they may wonder why you do still sometimes have extra children aboard - say for a playdate or to go to a sports event or a party or something similar!

VeganCow · 13/03/2018 17:57

just tell them you wont be using the petrol guzzler more than you need to as its too expensive to run, so from now on will be using the smaller car. And as its first come first served you can no longer take the twins.

AlpacaLypse · 13/03/2018 17:58

Bother that makes no sense, forgot to proof read my own post... car insurance specifically excluding car sharing* ...

AlpacaLypse · 13/03/2018 17:58

Oh I give in!

GetoutofthatGarden · 13/03/2018 18:01

Jesus, I pay 100 euro a month(school bus) for what they're getting for free. How rude that they've never even discussed this with you or DH.

Original poster
upsideup · 13/03/2018 18:02

Drive is about 25 minutes and our kids often eat breakfast in the car or have an after school snack so.
We cant lie really lie about the car, we have 4dc to have to use it when we all go out and we regularly have other people in it as well, we are just going to have to tell the truth

OP posts:
AdiosPeaceOfRoast · 13/03/2018 18:08

I don’t get why the other two sets of parents don’t do one day, then your husband does the next? You’d all only have to do half the school runs then?

Curtainshopping · 13/03/2018 18:09

I’m not sure you should back out entirely because they might end up sharing with each other and then you’ll have to do all your own.

Ask to share the lifts - they take three children each, on alternate days with your DH taking them all. Everyone gets every other day off then.