To not go?

[BiscuitCrumbs44]

Hi All!

My SIL is pregnant with her first child, due in May.

She has invited me to her baby shower at the end of March (weekend before Easter).

I have a couple of issues (they are mine, not hers); I don't 'believe' in baby showers/I live 150 miles away/it's three days before pay day so the wrong end of the month.

Of course I know I should make the effort, and she did say she'd understand if I didn't want to drive all that way only to drive back four hours later, but I have this awful guilt complex that makes me feel I should go..

Help!

You don't have to 'believe' in baby showers, that's just daft Plenty of people don't believe in God but still go to christenings, church weddings, funerals...

That said, no, I wouldn't embark on a 300 mile round trip just to attend a baby shower. Send your regrets and a bouquet. Job done.

You s’n’law would have felt rude not inviting you - but she’s said she understands if you can’t go - so you can take her at face value. Although I would drive 4 hours to attend my sisters baby shower...so depends if you want your s’n’law tp feel you made the effort x

Just don't go. Just say that you can't make it and don't go. Personally, I cannot bear baby showers. I've been to two and they were horrendous. I now decline all baby shower invitations politely and haven't had to put up with them since. A simple, thanks for the invitation but I can't make it, will suffice.

what is the point of a baby shower anyway? Baby's not even born.

Only read the first page....you sound very reasonable op. It is a very long way to drive and you are going at a later time anyway when the baby is born. The christening would be a good time and to see your brother for his birthday of course. And you said you were just there two weeks ago.

Send flowers and a very nice baby gift. She said she would understand, and I would if I were in her place.

Please don't do the suggestion of accepting and then backing out, that makes you a real pain in the backside and could bugger up some carefully laid plans. Either accept or don't but commit to one or the other.

id tell her thankyou for the invite and how excited you are for the baby, but logistics mean that youre not going to be able to make the babyshower, but ask if there is anything she needs that you can send as a gift

I don't understand why you're feeling guilty. As others have said, your SIL might not have expected you to come because of the distance, and she's given you a get out clause by saying she understands it's a long way to drive (3-4 hours each way, depending on the roads and traffic) for just a few hours.
So, you have absolutely no reason for the guilt! Just say it's too far to travel in one day and you'll look forward to seeing her a couple of weeks later.

Surely they can't expect you to drive 150 miles for a baby shower?

I think my phrasing of not 'believing' in baby showers has been misinterpreted.. What I mean is, I'm more of a 'celebrate when baby is here' kind of person, rather than beforehand, if that makes sense. Certainly that doesn't mean I am not supporting my Brother, SIL or niece, on the contrary! I just don't particularly want to go to a party to celebrate that someone is expecting - I find them a little odd if I'm honest! Similar to an adult giving you a full-on Christmas list, just a little misplaced!

As I said, I've got a gift, and have millions of nappies for when baby is born, along with the usual trinkets, and have given money towards the cot, so certainly supportive in that respect, and where I usually go down every two months I've been going down monthly at least since it was made 'official'!

I can't wait to meet my niece of course! But I don't understand the reasoning behind the shower.

I've had a chat with SIL and she's really not too worried if I don't go down (As I said, going down on two weeks anyway for my DBs birthday)...

We'll see..!

I think you’re right not to go, it is a long way! And I’m sure she’d much rather you save the money to visit once baby is here. I had half of my friends inform me a few days before my ‘shower’ that they could no longer make it! For me it was afternoon tea and silly games with the opportunity for me to spend time with my girlfriends before my son arrived, and I’m so glad I did as once he was here time to see friends and have uninterrupted chat was rare! I know people think baby showers are just for the gifts but this just isn’t the case for some!