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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let DD have a day off

55 replies

doubtingmyself18 · 13/03/2018 10:34

Have recently moved house (back home after having to move to a new area) me and DH are both SO busy with work, new jobs, obviously wanting to make good impressions.
DD 10 made a passing comment this morning about me and dad being so busy and always at work. I'm off tomorrow WIBU to let her have the day off school to spend some quality time with her? My heart broke when she said it because she's such a good kid and never causes us any hassle 😔 unlike her older sibling (my DSC) who is a fucking nightmare and always causing drama which she obviously notices 😩

OP posts:
fusushumi · 13/03/2018 11:55

Your younger sibling will be like your older child as they are neglected emotionally

Put the boot in why don't you meme70? This is an outrageous comment

upsideup · 13/03/2018 11:55

yes 100% I would lt her have a day off, but its not a long term solution when she is struggling with not seeing both of her parents enough.

BrutusMcDogface · 13/03/2018 11:58

I'm a bit confused as to why so many people are saying, give her a day off. I wouldn't. Surely if she's just started at a new school she is desperately trying to form bonds and friendships with the children there, and a day off will set her back.

BrutusMcDogface · 13/03/2018 11:59

If you have a day off could you pick her up after school and take her for ice cream or something?

5plusMeAndHim · 13/03/2018 12:02

How old is the nightmare sibling? If schoolage, then i don't think you should keep your own daughter off

5plusMeAndHim · 13/03/2018 12:04

Ignore meme70.
I can barely understand what she is trying to say anyway

English is clearly not her first language, unnecessary comment!

TheJoyOfSox · 13/03/2018 12:06

I’d do it. By this time next year she will be a secondary school and a duvet day together will have more of an effect on her schooling.
Have a lovely day together.

Ubercornsdiscoball · 13/03/2018 12:06

No. Not the day off school. Plan a treat in the Easter holidays

Buxbaum · 13/03/2018 12:09

English is clearly not her first language

How can you tell? There are plenty of native English speakers who write like meme, just not usually on MN.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 13/03/2018 12:09

Someone always comes out with the they'll remember it forever!! nonsense on these threads.
If a day off school is the highlight of their childhood, you really need to up your game.

Original poster
doubtingmyself18 · 13/03/2018 12:11

Okay first of all nightmare sibling doesn't live here now but isn't school age anyway. I do not favour my own DD AT ALL if I did I wouldn't have put the effort into DSC that I have over the years I'd have left everything to DH.

OP posts:
Original poster
doubtingmyself18 · 13/03/2018 12:12

And my DD isn't bloody commenting on my 'business' she's saying she misses me and her dad ffs 🙄

OP posts:
Purplepjs · 13/03/2018 12:12

Go for it! I have family abroad and their school system allows for ‘mental health’ Days which can be taken for just such a reason. I think it sounds like you both would really benefit.

And as for your other child; perhaps one day they might benefit from a similar day. But if not, I really don’t think siblings need to be treated identically...just fairly. If one needs new shoes, the other doesn’t have to have, if you see what I mean. In this case, your daughter needs a day with you. I think that’s ok.

Enjoy it!!

lonelyplanetmum · 13/03/2018 12:23

Absolutely! Hope you have arranged it. We have about two 'duvet' days per year with my 10 year old DD.She is nagging for one at the moment, but I have too much work on this week sadly.

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 13/03/2018 12:24

I may sound a bit fuddy-duddy here, but I think this is a new thing - addressing people's emotional needs with days off school/work. I understand wanting to do it in thi case, but see the potential a PP mentioned of her angling for one repeatedly and you struggling to say no. I suggest instead of giving her the day off, you make a nice breakfast, take her in, pick her up and take her for a hot ohocolate or do some other activity after school, just you and her. She will 'remember' that too and won't have been given the message that a day off is the answer when life is tough.

And now to be a bit harsh - presumably her stepsibling is a teen - teens do tend to be 'nightmares' on occasion and 'create drama'. Don't be so sure your dd won't behave likewise when she hits that age. I hope your hostility doesn't come across to your stepchild as it does to us.

wildduckhunt · 13/03/2018 12:24

YANBU, in the circumstances.

Ignore the people who are turning this into being about your step child. It's fine to focus on your own children every once in a while.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 13/03/2018 12:28

Have a lovely day with your daughter OP, I would, make some happy memories ! 🌸

MichaelBendfaster · 13/03/2018 12:31

make a nice breakfast, take her in, pick her up and take her for a hot ohocolate or do some other activity after school, just you and her. She will 'remember' that too and won't have been given the message that a day off is the answer when life is tough.

I think this is a really good idea.

WaxOnFeckOff · 13/03/2018 12:31

I'm the youngest of a large family, my parents both worked when I was younger. I remember twice missing school (i was a healthy child so never normally off), the first time my mum had a rare day off so took me to the beach for the day, just me and her and 2nd time my Dad took me to the cinema and for an ice-cream, he usually worked night shift so just took me out for a few hours and went to bed while i played by myslef for the rest of the day. I would have been a similar age to your DD, my sibling were all adults or high school (nearest to me is 4 and a half years older) at that point.

I'm in my 50s and still remember those days.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 13/03/2018 12:31

Apologies if I hit a nerve. The language you used to describe your step child just jarred with me perhaps because I was a step child growing up and felt I was treated differently. Obviously this isn't about me though!

I can only think that you brought up the nightmare sibling because you feel guilty that he or she is taking a lot of your attention away from your younger daughter and you feel guilty about that? I'm not sure why they would feature in your decision that's all.

In the grand scheme of things, a day off school won't affect anything. Repeatedly "rewarding" a child with days off does (IMO) give the message that school isn't enjoyable and if we don't want to go, we don't have to.
That's not the case if this is a one off. I agree, it could be beneficial to your dd if you think she is struggling with not seeing either parent and the upheaval of relocating.

Just try not to overly indulge her when you do spend time together because you feel guilty about your time apart if that makes sense.

user1487194234 · 13/03/2018 12:36

I don't think it is unreasonable ,and I think in itself it will make zero difference to her education
But I wouldn't. I have a lot of experience with children and in my experience it is not a good idea to give them the option they can opt out of school

Also will she be expected to lie to the teacher.

I do understand the pressures of working FT with kids,but you may have to address if she is struggling with this( you and DH)

slippynips · 13/03/2018 12:37

I’m surprised so many have said to do it, although I would also do the same. What will you tell the school? Will you have to ask your DD to lie when she goes back? That’s the only sticking point for me

mydietstartsmonday · 13/03/2018 12:48

I would very rarely advocate taking a child out of school but you know what just do it. Have a great day, you don't have to do much, nice food, a movie, a walk in park, if its raining jumping in puddles.

Branleuse · 13/03/2018 12:52

I would do this as a one off. Do a special day. She will remember this and get far more out of it than another school day when shes already feeling sad

Bexter801 · 13/03/2018 12:59

To be honest,I don't think it's a big deal,enjoy your day :)

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