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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have asked some people in this family to move in A & E

70 replies

Chocywockydodahhhhhh · 13/03/2018 01:11

Had to take DS to A and E tonight with a raging temp and rash, turns out he had Scarlett Fever
Was in childrens A & E which was busy, we went through to see the triarge nurse came back and no room to sit, a family of six had since come in and was sat on the seats with a teenaged girl who had her foot up, so seven in total.
I Soon clocked they were all family as one member was passing sweets between them (looked like a Mum, dad, sister, grandma, grandad, the girl called another women aunt and then what looked like could be a uncle)
At this point we are sat on the floor with DS crying his eyes out, within five minutes two other little toddlers came in both distressed and crying with parents who also had to sit on the floor
At this point I approached the family and asked in any of them were able to vacate seats so the toddlers could at least sit down on a parents knee. Was told no we have a right to sit here by the mother.
A nurse overheard this and told them that some would have to move and there is no way they can all go through to cubicals anyway. At this point the aunt and I think uncle got up and said they would leave and for the parents to call them with updates.
The mother starts crying that the girl wanted them all there (the girl who was on her I pad looked like she could not have cared who was there). The Mum goes on and on until the girl says “shut up Mum”.

The nurse says again room will have to be made for patients to sit and at that point the Mum grabs the wheelchair with her daughter in, tells the nurse she will complain and calls me an interfering bitch. The Mum marches pushing the wheelchair out with the family who follow behind.
An hour later we are called through and DS is seen and on the way out we see the girl is back in the waiting room with the dad and I think grandad.
All in all very bizarre, DH said I was right to say something but should I just have kept my mouth shut.

OP posts:
Steeley113 · 13/03/2018 08:25

@Spikeyball if you need multiple people, it’s usually that they are quite sick. I don’t mind multiple family members for resus/particularly sick majors patients. We have special rooms for relatives of very sick patients.

ReanimatedSGB · 13/03/2018 08:28

Most of them will be thoughtless and selfish but there may also be people who are used to being treated like ignorant, time-wasting scum by anyone in 'authority' and therefore turn up mob-handed so they don't get patronized/ignored.

Spikeyball · 13/03/2018 08:30

It would be for behavioural reasons so would be needed whatever he was at the hospital for. We have a hospital passport saying this so I wouldn't expect it to be a problem. We have also been told as long as there is space he would be fast tracked through.

Spudlet · 13/03/2018 08:34

Last time I had to go to A&e there was a bloody family outing sitting next to us (I was waiting to see if I'd broken my ankle so had dh with me as my driver). I felt like asking if none of them had anything better to do with a Sunday evening than sit in a hospital Confused. They were stuffing themselves with sweeties and making a racket like they were in a pub, with no regard for the fact that some of the people sitting nearby looked really quite unwell and probably in need of some peace and quiet. So ignorant.

YoThePussy · 13/03/2018 08:37

As a complete contrast I used to go with my Mum to her hospital appointments (clinic for elderly people needing an injection regularly in their eyes). A number of elderly people were there on their own and managing because they hadn’t got anyone to come and sit with them. I went with my Mum to support her as the injections hurt and she couldn’t see afterwards. I admired those lone people immensely, they were quietly coping and not bellyaching taking up multiple chairs and shouting for priority attention.

The other end of the room was the children’s clinic and you’ve guessed it, mayhem, the world and his wife accompanying every child.

blueskypink · 13/03/2018 08:39

I wonder why A&Edepts don't make it a rule that patients can only be accompanied by a max of 2 people?

Put signs up and enforce the rule.

scottishdiem · 13/03/2018 08:41

Every situation is different. Whilst the teenage was probably ok with just one, remember we have an epidemic (as evidence by the sheer number of posters here on MN) of 'anxiety'. So perhaps the mum needed others around her to support her in a difficult situation.....

And those who needed to be there to offer the mum support had absolutely no childcare support for the other child...

And that the Grandad and Grandma have mobility problems so could only rely on one of the other adults for getting around so had to be picked up to be taken elsewhere later and the other adult didnt have time to go back to pick up the old people after being at the hospital because they lived three hours away (20 miles but the roads.....!).

And the other adult had to be there to help the driver because the driver had only passed their test several months ago and has yet to drive on a road with a pedestrian crossing on it so is a very very very very nervous driver so needs support.

See. On any given day we can find several threads in AIBU alone that easily explains why all of them needed to be there.

(OP - you were not being unreasonable).

darklady64 · 13/03/2018 08:42

To whoever said the NHS is shite.

It isn't. DS had a serious accident recently and the many, many people he has been seen by have been nothing but professional, competent, kind, and kept a firm hold of their sense of humour despite working long hours in a stressful environment.

Your statement is little short of idiotic

Popadoodledoo · 13/03/2018 08:43

You did the right thing.

Although if it was me i would of probably said
fuck off shameless, get your family of 10 to sit on the floor. I have a young poorly child!

But that's just me Grin

Hope your ds gets better soon

bigbluebus · 13/03/2018 08:44

pussy I agree. Always feel sorry for the elderly who have arrived on 'transport' and who are left sitting alone in a hospital wheelchair at the end of a corridor not knowing when or if someone will turn up to take them home again.

Never got the whole family days out to hospital thing but having attended hospital with my disabled non verbal DD hundreds of times , i often wished I'd had a bit of company! DH would only (rightly) tag along when it was a matter of life or death.

lifechangesforever · 13/03/2018 08:49

Stop pissing around on mumsnet and deal with the situation at hand. Good luck, the NHS is shite

What about that situation had anything to do with the NHS?! The NHS didn't ask for 7 family members to come with a child who had hurt her leg and the nurse asked them to leave.

Sick of it being said the NHS is 'shite', it's an amazing institution and we're bloody lucky to have it. The issues with the NHS have nothing to do with those on the ground, who do an amazing job.

OP, hope your child feels better soon BiscuitThanks

morningconstitutional2017 · 13/03/2018 08:52

You were right but of course being even slightly confrontational can be seen as unreasonable by others.

What I can't understand is why so many family members have to accompany one person to A&E - it's a hospital not a ruddy circus.

Street2 · 13/03/2018 08:53

It sound a bit tribal taking your extended daily to A&E. Were they a travelling family?

AlexaAmbidextra · 13/03/2018 09:04

I never understand why a trip to A&E is seen as a good opportunity for a family day out. I've seen it so many times. Confused

TiffanyDoggett · 13/03/2018 09:06

Having worked In an area with a high traveller population I've seen 'the entourage' accompany a labouring woman many times. Before anyone jumps down my throat for racial profiling I've actually taken the time to ask my traveller clients why and it's considered rude in their culture if you don't accomplish the pregnant woman. It looks uncaring in their world. So sadly it's just a clash of cultures sometimes but of course, patient care and safely trumps all.

Flomper · 13/03/2018 09:13

thats interesting. The girl I saw with 19 peiple was indeed part of a travelling family. Stull, they were very rude and aggressive when asked to leave which is not on. It was Saturday night in a labour ward full to the brim, myself and her were the last to be admited before they closed the ward, therr was just no space or room. Cultural expectations are fine but they coudk wait in the cafe or outside the ward surely - well they did. The same massive grouo turned up a few days later to take her home and made another massive fuss because the midwives wouldnt ket her leave without a car seat and security were called and turfed them all out apart from the mother.

TartanDr3ams · 13/03/2018 09:15

Yanbu! There is no need for everyone to join you in a+e!!
We had a similar situation - my dp has seizures that we usually just deal with at home but on one occasion he had one and fell and obtained a bad head injury. As he was concious and speaking i just toom him to a+e in the car. When we arrived there were a hugeee family taking up 11 seats with a young lad who had dislocated his ankle. I asked if one of them could move so my partner could sit down etc. One of them muttered under their breath and moved so i stood next to dp.. but they were horrendous..shouting..throwing bottles of cola around..watching videos really loud on their phones etc. Luckily security did ask some of them to leave eventually though! The poor lad with the bad ankle didnt need a whole family reuinion in a+e thats for sure.

listsandbudgets · 13/03/2018 09:20

YANBU.

I had to take DS to A and E with breathing difficulties a couple of years ago. O couldnt get a seat. There was a family of 7 or 8 accompanying one fairly well looking little girl ( I know she may not have been well but she was running all over the place amd climbing on and off laps ). They were having a picnic of all things!!

Tjey complained bitterly everytime someone went through before them and refused to give up a seat to me and 2 year old ds who I was holding on the basis they'd been waiting for ages. Eventually someone from security appeared and sent most of them home!!

A and E is not a family day out folks so if you treat it that way STOP

TheFairyCaravan · 13/03/2018 09:26

I hate that nurses have to get involved in what’s going on in the waiting rooms in A&E. I really think there’s a section of society that forget what happens in A&E and it’s not all sprained ankles and cut fingers. The last thing they need is to tell people to shift their arses so sick people can sit down.

DS2 came with me to the fracture/orthopaedic clinic last year. He was standing as it was packed. When people, who were visibly injured, were having to stand because the world and his wife were with some folk, he started asking people to give up their seats. He’s a student nurse, and isn’t slow in coming forward. People did move but they huffed and puffed about it.

HobnobBob · 13/03/2018 11:00

I remember going to see the midwife and not being able to sit down as all the spare seats were taken up by men. There were a number of pregnant women standing.

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