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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have asked some people in this family to move in A & E

70 replies

Chocywockydodahhhhhh · 13/03/2018 01:11

Had to take DS to A and E tonight with a raging temp and rash, turns out he had Scarlett Fever
Was in childrens A & E which was busy, we went through to see the triarge nurse came back and no room to sit, a family of six had since come in and was sat on the seats with a teenaged girl who had her foot up, so seven in total.
I Soon clocked they were all family as one member was passing sweets between them (looked like a Mum, dad, sister, grandma, grandad, the girl called another women aunt and then what looked like could be a uncle)
At this point we are sat on the floor with DS crying his eyes out, within five minutes two other little toddlers came in both distressed and crying with parents who also had to sit on the floor
At this point I approached the family and asked in any of them were able to vacate seats so the toddlers could at least sit down on a parents knee. Was told no we have a right to sit here by the mother.
A nurse overheard this and told them that some would have to move and there is no way they can all go through to cubicals anyway. At this point the aunt and I think uncle got up and said they would leave and for the parents to call them with updates.
The mother starts crying that the girl wanted them all there (the girl who was on her I pad looked like she could not have cared who was there). The Mum goes on and on until the girl says “shut up Mum”.

The nurse says again room will have to be made for patients to sit and at that point the Mum grabs the wheelchair with her daughter in, tells the nurse she will complain and calls me an interfering bitch. The Mum marches pushing the wheelchair out with the family who follow behind.
An hour later we are called through and DS is seen and on the way out we see the girl is back in the waiting room with the dad and I think grandad.
All in all very bizarre, DH said I was right to say something but should I just have kept my mouth shut.

OP posts:
Runningshorts · 13/03/2018 06:52

Yanbu. It amazes me how self centred some people can be.

dentydown · 13/03/2018 07:03

I’ve had that at maternity. I was in labour, turned up at the waiting room with my disabled dad. (Long story, partner couldn’t make it for a long while, so Dad bless him wouldn’t let me go alone). Family of 6 (mum, Dad,in laws, mum to be and her partner ) all taking up chairs. Lady at the desk told them to vacate one and I told my dad to sit down and I would sit on the floor. When questioned I told everyone within earshot my dad was disabled and couldn’t stand for long periods. (I know I sound entitled but I was 5cm apart and a bit grumpy, and this was the case). She told the big family that three of them had to bugger off down stairs to wait. I got evils from them!

Hesburger · 13/03/2018 07:05

It completely amazes me that people troop down in great numbers and ignore the needs of others.

When I was going to antenatal clinic at our local hospital I witnessed several heavily pregnant ladies stand because there were no seats. There were no seats because there were a selection of male partners and children taking up seats. Several guys trying to avoid eye contact on their phones...

It took people to ask them to get up to get them to move!

Now there are signs up asking people to give up seats for pregnant women. I always hear people scoff that those signs shouldn't be needed but some people are so unaware!

Namastethefuckawayfromme · 13/03/2018 07:11

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NewYearNewMe18 · 13/03/2018 07:12

I was in A&E I think it must have been nan ... so Mum, Dad, 2 girls plus their boyfriends plus prams, plus toddler, all in low slung pants and baseball caps. Clearly not a job to be had between them at it was 10am on a Friday morning.

Don't even start me on the 40-50 strong (Im not joking) church group that invaded ICU and started singing, and wailing at the bedside. Again, teenagers, prams, toddlers - and none of them actually related to the poor bloke trying to die peacefully. Then took over both relatives rooms and the lift lobby, they ordered in takeaway food and took over the nurses kitchen. To be seen to be believed. This went on for days - the nurses powerless to stop it.

bonnyshide · 13/03/2018 07:14

Well done for saying something 👍🏼

Gileswithachainsaw · 13/03/2018 07:16

Yanbu.

It's a hospital. Full of sick and hurt people. No one who doesn't need to be there shouldn't be there. Not only is it added infection risk. The stress extra noise etc isn't good for those who are sick waiting to be seen.

If you want a family day out go bowling or to a movie. Not a&e. Ffs. What's wrong with people. Aunts and uncles? Seriously? Did they invite second cousin willy too?

Flomper · 13/03/2018 07:17

i was at the fracture clinic recently and, youre right, at least 75% of people on the 40 odd chairs were uninjured and there with people. Its like they treat it as a day out. An adult should have one other adult with them. A kid should have their parents (surely one parent is enough for the fracture clinic?) Maybe youbger siblings if they cant be left but they all have to make room for that actual injured/ill people! I really dont see the need to have your grandparents and aunts and uncles there.

When I was in labour last a young girl came in with an entourage of 19 people! They were most affronted when the staff said some would have to leave. Who wants to give birth with 19 people gawping at you?

Steeley113 · 13/03/2018 07:20

When I worked in a&e I’d regularly boot out all the extra family in minors when it got busy. YANBU.

ovenchips · 13/03/2018 07:20

You thought you did the right thing in asking (otherwise you wouldn't have), your DH agrees with you, and the A&E nurse actively agreed they needed to move. Not sure why you feel in need of an AIBU bolster too?

Of course the family in question thought you were being AIBU but that's kind of how the situation was created, obviously!

I don't understand the headspace you are giving this after the event. Hope your DS is feeling improved soon.

hatetosayitoldyouso · 13/03/2018 07:24

Nightmare!!

During my induction I had a family of parents, young siblings, gran, papa and aunt & uncle all in the induction ward next to me.

Littlebelina · 13/03/2018 07:26

We were in minor injuries once listening to the family opposite calling family and friends and telling them to come up and join them.

Was also in a waiting room yesterday where one couple felt their bag of rubbish and their referral form needed a seat each......

Yanbu

JaneEyre70 · 13/03/2018 07:28

I had to go to A & E a few weeks ago after splashing bleach in my eye. There wasn't a seat anywhere, because of large groups of relatives accompanying people. One elderly gentleman had 5 sat with him and a young girl wailing and moaning had 4 friends and her mum with her. And they were all sat down so people who were unwell had to stand. It was awful. Luckily I was called straight through to have my eyes washed but I said to the nurse about it and she said people treat it like a family day out Hmm.

GnomeDePlume · 13/03/2018 07:36

Chocywockydodahhhhhh I hope your DS is feeling better soon. You absolutely did the right thing.

I dont think they treat it as a day out more that they are used to dominating situations where they feel vulnerable by sheer weight of numbers. By being in a large group they feel that they will get better treatment (their 'rights') than in a smaller group.

Thehamsterspajamas · 13/03/2018 07:49

YANBU. A&E depts are crowded enough without entire families tagging along. Hope DS is lots better soon. DD had SF in her first year at school. When I described the symptoms to the GP receptionist over the phone they arranged for us to come in through another door and wouldn’t let us sit in the waiting room it’s that infectious. It seems a bit scary that no provisions are made for patients with something potentially very infectious and they are just seated in the general area where anyone else could catch it.

LivLemler · 13/03/2018 07:54

Yup, had this last week. 36 weeks pregnant, got sent to A&E with a sprained ankle. Came out of triage and couldn't see any seats at first glance. Very obviously heavily pregnant, very obviously unable to put weight on one foot (was clearly the entertainment for the room later on when I had to go to the loo), the only person to offer a seat was an elderly woman.

(Didn't take it, obviously, then found one empty seat tucked away.) The extended family of multiple adults and tweens I'd been sitting next to previously and who'd expanded to fill the seat I had been using studiously ignored me.

CookPassBabtridge · 13/03/2018 07:56

I don't get this at all. It's not a family outing! Stupid, stupid people. I've seem the same when waiting for baby scans at hospital- woman, her husband, mum, dad and kids there! Surely the parents can stay at home with the kids.

SukiTheDog · 13/03/2018 07:58

Yanbu. Completely unreasonable behaviour from the girl’s mum even allowing for the fact that she may have been distressed and uptight about her daughter’s condition. A&E isn’t a spectator pursuit 😊

Bowerbird5 · 13/03/2018 07:59

I recently had to access A& E three times( not unnecessary they kept me overnight each time ) and each time the nurses said " isn't anyone with you?" In an incredulous tone. I was amazed how one adult had three others in then two more arrived. They weren't dying! They were back and forth until late obviously off for a cigarettes but noisy each time. Nurse apologised to me at one stage as I was feeling quite poorly and trying to doze a bit.

OP you did exactly the right thing. Don't worry about it and I hope your DS is better soon. I remember my sisters having it and quite poorly.

AJPTaylor · 13/03/2018 08:07

blimey, reminds me of the reception i got when going for a scan with Dd2 many years ago. all of the chairs were taken. 40 percent of them by men. you would have thought that one of them would have lept to their feet to let a pregnant woman sit down. you would think wrong.
still. nice nurse soon sorted that one.

TellerTuesday4EVA · 13/03/2018 08:13

YWNBU at all, you did the right thing & nurses, administrators etc would always do the same if they're not so busy they don't notice. I work in an A&E department and honestly some people treat it like a day out. There should be the patient & one other person in attendance unless a child etc when you would expect both parents as the patient could not be left alone for you to go & call relatives etc.

You just get people that thrive on drama I'm afraid!! We once got a little boy in with a raisin stuck up his nose he had with him both parents, 2 siblings, 3 grandparents (presumably maternal & paternal), a aunt & uncle along with their 3 DCs it was utterly ridiculous not to mention how many parking spaces they were taking up.

Personwithhorse · 13/03/2018 08:14

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HobnobBob · 13/03/2018 08:16

the nurses powerless to stop it.

They aren’t powerless to stop it. I’ve stopped relatives coming in to a children’s ward with a takeaway at midnight before. Go find a bench to sit on, they were not waking up patients in order to eat pizza.

Spikeyball · 13/03/2018 08:21

All those extra people don't need to be there but some patients will require more than one person with them. Ds always needs two and even then we have had fraught times when we could have done with a third. I realise though our situation is pretty unusual.

Steeley113 · 13/03/2018 08:23

Nurses aren’t powerless over it, we just get security to come and remove people. Or if they become abusive, the police.