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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you were a mum of an adult would be offended if

81 replies

alligatortoss · 12/03/2018 23:49

Their mother in law signed their birthday card from mum?

If you had a good relationship with your child.

OP posts:
BanginChoons · 13/03/2018 07:08

Not at all. My ex mother in law still signs cards to me from Ma and Pa.

gussyfinknottle · 13/03/2018 07:10

If my dd gets married and her future mil called herself Mum to my dd, I'd be pissed off. She's not Mum. I am.

Spikeyball · 13/03/2018 07:14

My inlaws do it on cards but they don't refer to me as their child when talking. All of dh's older family members are known as auntie or uncle by younger relatives even to those who are only related by marriage.

thegreylady · 13/03/2018 07:17

I wouldn’t be offended at all but a little surprised. I use my first name to all the in laws and vice versa.

MidLifeCrisis2017 · 13/03/2018 07:19

Mine still does it 8 years after I left her son. I've never liked it but she's 91 and it was expected she'd call her own MIL that 70 years ago. Less odd when you remember that non family adults were called Auntie/Uncle or MR/Mrs

ClashCityRocker · 13/03/2018 07:30

Both my parents and my in laws called there respective inlaws mum.

I think (based on my glorious anecdata!) that it was more common a generation or two ago.

I only call mine mum if I'm writing gift tags and signing it from both if us

EastMidsMummy · 13/03/2018 07:37

I think there's a lot of overthinking going on in this thread.

It was common amongst my parents' generation. It's not surprising some people still do it.

If I was going to be offended by something so trivial, I wouldn't bother getting out of bed in the morning.

Voiceforreason · 13/03/2018 07:38

Seem to be an awful lot of people who are strangely possessive about the word mum. I think it is a generational thing. I called my dmil mum, just as my mum had called her dmil, mother. It would have been totally unacceptible to use first names. Why is it ok to call two womrn grandma, nan or whatever, and any number of women auntie, but no one else mum? In my area it is quite common for the eldest female relative to be called 'mother' by the whole family. No one is offended.

paap1975 · 13/03/2018 07:42

My sister in law calls my mother "mum". Not for me, but each to their own

MrsLaurac · 13/03/2018 07:43

Joint cards we always get mum and dad which is fine because in my eyes it's really to their son. To me on an individual basis id rather they didn't because in my eyes I have one mum and dad and i feel you have to earn the name mum and dad they do write it though and id never say anything my mum and dad know how i feel about them :-)

Thirtyrock39 · 13/03/2018 07:48

I even find the joint cards 'love mum and dad' from in laws a bit odd but then my own parents sign every card to me and the kids in their first names which my husband finds hilarious so I'm not used to it full stop!!
I'd definitely be a bit thrown by a card from mil signed as mum to just me - though she's never done that and wouldn't

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 13/03/2018 08:03

Look at the positives- it's great that your daughter/son has a good relationship with their MIL. How do they feel about it?

Try to keep some perspective. The MIL hasn't done this to insult you. Offended means upset or angry about a perceived insult, a violation of the victim's morals I don't think this scenario is offensive at all.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 13/03/2018 08:04

Wouldn't upset me (have dd with a lovely MiL) but she doesn't - it's first names. I'd think it a bit odd of a MiL to use it though. Maybe it's normal in some families.
I was first names with my lovely MiL, too.

Esspee · 13/03/2018 08:05

Not in the least.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 13/03/2018 08:06

No, not at all. Why would I? It's not like MIL can take over being actual mum...

DPs mum tends to sign things off as Mom if she's writing to both of us. I don't mind at all.

Flomy · 13/03/2018 08:06

I would think it was lovely if she was nice

Its better than - best wishes, Mrs Roberts.

Strax · 13/03/2018 08:06

My MIL signs herself Mum C on cards, I don't mind at all. I don't ever call her Mum though, always by her name. I don't have a close relationship with my mum so have no idea what she thinks of it, I don't think she knows.

Mrsfs · 13/03/2018 08:06

My FIL always signs cards 'love Dad', I think it's sweet.

Pickleypickles · 13/03/2018 08:09

My nan used to sign everything she gave to my dad as from mum. My nans for both friends and my dads mum didnt mind (or atleast never said she did)

WhatAPowerfulPerm · 13/03/2018 08:12

I think it would depend on what she was like...Grin

My mum always signs cards to DH as ‘Love (her name)’ but cards to both of us (for example at Christmas) as ‘Love Mum’. She does separate ones for the DC (she does love a card).

MIL does one card to us with all her aliases, so she’ll actually write ‘Love Mum/Name/Granny’ in it.

Saracen · 13/03/2018 08:27

I wouldn't be at all offended. I would figure that my dc know who their actual mother is! Their MIL can refer to herself however she likes, and they can go along with it or call her something different.

If my relationship with my dc wasn't great then I might feel pushed out, resentful etc.

I always referred to my MIL as Mum because that was what she wanted, I liked her well enough and wanted to make her happy. My mother knew that she herself meant the world to me. It never occurred to me that she might have been offended, and I'm sure she wasn't.

Goldfishshoals · 13/03/2018 08:33

My parents called their pils mum and dad.

They sign cards to my DH mum and dad, but use first names in conversation.

I think it's nice, and so does he.

GrannyGrissle · 13/03/2018 09:58

Wouldn't bother me. It's quite a common thing to do actually. The complete non issues people fret over on MN are incredible.

VileyRose · 13/03/2018 10:05

I have a lovely mum but I also call my MIL mum.

WaxOnFeckOff · 13/03/2018 10:11

I didn't have a MIL very long so it never really came up. Pretty sure my mum (when she still sent cards) signed them with her name when she sent a card to DH. He calls her by her name though not mum. If i send a card from us both I would send it to "Mum" and put his name on it.

Wouldn't bother me, in that situation it's just a title. I would be fairly sure they weren't trying to take my place.