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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU?

31 replies

User1992 · 12/03/2018 22:42

Every week for the past 6 months I have my friends 2 children 5 and 8 for tea. I have an 8 year old daughter. It is hard work having them but I do enjoy having them but I'm also taking them to beavers after the tea and it is exhausting a little as I'm a single parent myself. The problem is if I ask the mum to take over taking them to beavers I know mum may not be able too as she has a baby and I don't want to let the kids down as they love coming for tea and going to beavers and I would be really upset for them not to carry on going. My daughter says she would rather have the children more occasionally than every week but I feel now I've agreed I can't stop having them as its not fair on the children.

OP posts:
Heratnumber7 · 12/03/2018 22:46

What's the AIBU?

Original poster
User1992 · 12/03/2018 22:48

Sorry to stop this arrangement.

OP posts:
kinorsam · 12/03/2018 23:19

You have to go with your dc's wishes on this one. It might be a shame for the other children, but you have to prioritise your own child.

Original poster
User1992 · 12/03/2018 23:37

Yes i think its a lot for her to have to do this every week. She does have other friends round every week after school but its only one friend and their parent will pick them up.

OP posts:
YerAuntFanny · 12/03/2018 23:45

It's up to their Mum to sort out the practicalities here not you, it is ok to say no.

Original poster
User1992 · 12/03/2018 23:49

I know the kids will be so upset if their mum won't take them so its really hard but I should of said no at the time so I feel even worse for them now as they have been going for 6 months and they love it.

OP posts:
blackteasplease · 13/03/2018 00:07

If this has been going on for more than six months does that mean the baby is more than six months old? If so i can't see why taking her other children to beavers would be a big deal!

Original poster
User1992 · 13/03/2018 07:07

Yes the baby is a toddler, its just because they love coming for tea and I don't think mum would take them and pick them back up every week so I feel awful for them.

OP posts:
MrsPicklesonSmythe · 13/03/2018 07:10

The baby isn’t a baby and the kids aren’t your problem. It’s for their mum to organise their activities not you. I would end the arrangement.

Kerberos · 13/03/2018 07:11

You may find it changes soon enough when they leave Beavers at around 8 to go to Cubs? This might be an opportunity to have a chat with the mum about arrangements changing?

ThePants999 · 13/03/2018 07:13

Have a more specific thread title next time please.

Winosaurus · 13/03/2018 07:16

It’s not just the actual childcare but I can imagine the cost of feeding 2 extra kids every week could be a strain as a single parent. Tell your friend this and see if you can take it in turns? You do it one week, her the next?
A toddler is no excuse not to drop your kids off at an activity Confused I am a single parent with a toddler and manage just fine

neighneigh · 13/03/2018 07:22

I'm similar, I offer stuff like this to be nice but then it ends up being long term... Beavers is late so I can understand not wanting to take a toddler. Instead of having the other kids for tea every week, could you suggest having them every second week, or, even better, that you'll collect them from home and take them there & bring back? Are they vaguely on the way (ie is it less faff to do transport, which I imagine is the worst bit for the other mum). You're kind to have been doing it so long but you /we both do need to put our own kids first. Good luck x

Flockoftreegulls · 13/03/2018 07:22

It's not your responsibility not to disappoint the kids.
You could say you can't do tea anymore but offer to drop them home after beavers if you are worried that she won't be arsed to take them. If you are picking your dd up anyway.
YANBU. Her baby is not a new born.

Original poster
User1992 · 13/03/2018 07:24

Thankyou for everyones replies. I love the kids and feel sorry for them as I know they don't get taken out much apart from going to school. My daughter moves up in August when she's 8 so I could say when my daughter moves up I won't be able to do it anymore as it will mean two separate trips there and back from beavers as the youngest is only 6.

OP posts:
Original poster
User1992 · 13/03/2018 07:28

Mum does have a husband who she could leave the toddler with while she takes the others but I don't think she understands the importance of taking them to beavers as they learn a lot from it and its a good opportunity for the kids and they really love going.

OP posts:
Shedmicehugh1 · 13/03/2018 07:30

Could you maybe not have them for tea, but still pick them up for club? If they live on route.

Thehogfather · 13/03/2018 07:40

Not that any of it is your responsibility, but could you suggest your dd goes there for tea and she takes all 3 with you collecting after? Or that you'll collect her dc and take them and she can pick them up?

differentnameforthis · 13/03/2018 07:41

Have a more specific thread title next time please. Have more specific advise next time please.

differentnameforthis · 13/03/2018 07:42

OP, just contact their mum and say that it is no longer convenient. It isn't up to you to make sure they go anywhere.

Original poster
User1992 · 13/03/2018 07:42

Yes I think I will still pick them up and take them home till August but say I cant do tea every week but can occasionally.

OP posts:
KimmySchmidt1 · 13/03/2018 07:44

I don’t think you should feel obliged to treat other people’s children on a weekly basis. Do it once s month or something.

I am sure they will get over not having tea at your house every week. It is hardly life scarring.

Lethaldrizzle · 13/03/2018 07:46

Has the baby eaten her legs

LannieDuck · 13/03/2018 07:49

Mum does have a husband who she could leave the toddler with while she takes the others

In that case, this is really not your monkey.

Original poster
User1992 · 13/03/2018 08:03

They do ask everyday to come to mine, I used to have them more but I've gotten it down to just beaver days. They are looked after but they don't get taken out much and they seem to love the food when coming to mine. They are a healthy weight but they always ask everyday as soon as they see me at school home time to come to mine. They seem to always want food when at mine whereas my daughter is able to help herself to healthy snacks, able to have drinks whenever she wants, the little girl said she wishes she could have supper and a drink of milk before bed as my daughter was talking about favourite food and said she has tea and has some supper and hot chocolate before she goes to bed. I dont feel worried about them but I think they like being with me and can see my daughter can help herself to thinks like fruit, yoghurts, drinks and has supper and a warm drink before bed. I think its the food the kids will be upset about and also the attention as I take them to the park before tea sometimes and play with them when we are at mine.

OP posts: