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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not report her for damage to my property?

39 replies

sayerville · 12/03/2018 20:13

This morning we could not get out of the gate, it had been slammed and bent so is now stuck.
We have CCTV and can see a neighbour lower down (whom I once had a spat with 15 years ago) had forcefully closed it resulting in the damage.
This is criminal damage, but it feels petty to go to the police and I don't want to cause ill feeling, also I know her partner is very anxious and this would cause him grief.
But I don't like confrontation, would you just let this go?
She had come from church, I had thought if speaking with the vicar as he'd know her, thoughts?

OP posts:
DalekDalekDalek · 12/03/2018 20:16

I'd phone the police. You are being very kind not to do that. Talking to the vicar might help. If she goes to church then he (or she) might be able to get through to her better than the police and courts could.

Lucisky · 12/03/2018 20:18

I'm curious. Why was your neighbour closing your gate?

Original poster
sayerville · 12/03/2018 20:21

I have no idea, she pulled it so hard it won't open, it's bent it, you can see the force on the video, she's clearly got issues and is angry or envious or both I have no idea other than we had a small disagreement years ago.

OP posts:
Fekko · 12/03/2018 20:23

Get it fixed and send her the bill?

Allthebestnamesareused · 12/03/2018 20:23

Maybe write and say that you have cctv evidence of her damaging your gate and that if she pays for the repair you'll Not take it further.

Original poster
sayerville · 12/03/2018 20:31

It can be knocked back with brute force and a hammer but it's just weird don't you think?

OP posts:
ScattyCharly · 12/03/2018 20:33

Why was she touching your gate in the first place. Did she come over just to damage it?
I can’t imagine what use telling the vicar is.

MargotLovedTom1 · 12/03/2018 20:35

Very weird, if she's still bearing a grudge from FIFTEEN years ago!

Original poster
sayerville · 12/03/2018 20:45

Exactly! which is why it's weird!
I was thinking the vicar could let her know she's been seen doing this without getting her into trouble...

OP posts:
Cindie943811A · 12/03/2018 20:46

OP was your neighbour using a right of way across your property so had to use your gate? If so there may be something in the terms and conditions of use.

Gide · 12/03/2018 20:47

Can’t you just knock on the door and say you’ve seen her do it on cctv and she needs to get it repaired or you’ll have to report it?

QueenDramaLlama · 12/03/2018 20:48

Definitely confront and tell her she's on CCTV, even if you don't plan to charge her. It's your gate this time but who knows what's next.
If she's held a grudge for 15 years then it's not like you're ruining a good relationship anyway.

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 12/03/2018 20:49

The police aren’t going to do anything, are they? Have you gone and spoken to her? How about a solicitors letter?

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 12/03/2018 20:50

Oh god I’ve just seen the vicar suggestion. What do you expect her vicar to do? You really want someone who isn’t you to tell her off don’t you? Grin

upsideup · 12/03/2018 20:53

Why would you tell the vicar?

MagneticMan · 12/03/2018 20:54

Well don't confront her.

If she can do that to a metal gate she's likely to go all Hulk on you Shock

I wouldn't bother with the vicar either.

Bash the gate back into shape and put up a 'warning' sign that cctv is being used.

It all sounds a bit bonkers if you fell out 15 years ago Smile

londonrach · 12/03/2018 20:56

This needs reporting show police the evidence and send her a bill

Puffycat · 12/03/2018 21:02

I think it’s dangerous to piss a neighbour off especially one with issues. If this is the first time she’s done something like this I’d leave it but keep a record and an eye out.

LeighaJ · 12/03/2018 21:07

Have you considered tactfully as possible asking what she intends to do regarding fixing the gate that she...you're guessing "accidentally" damaged?

Original poster
sayerville · 12/03/2018 21:07

Well, this isn't the first time the gate has been bent so it makes me wonder.
I'd like her to know I know wondering whether to put a note on for the postie that its been damaged and to use the side gate and it's on CCTV so she'll see it hen she walks past!

OP posts:
Original poster
sayerville · 12/03/2018 21:09

LeighaJ I like that

OP posts:
thisisme2018 · 12/03/2018 21:12

I'd just go and speak to her about it, not involve the vicar.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 12/03/2018 21:16

I agree with with the poster upthread....put up a 'smile you are on cctv' type sign where your neighbour will see it.

Lostoldusername · 12/03/2018 21:17

Just knock on and say that you saw her on CCTV and you aren't sure if she is aware but she damaged your gate when closing it, you are getting it fixed so could she be extra careful next time she uses it.....

honeyroar · 12/03/2018 21:22

I think you really must go and speak to her. Tell her you've got evidence on CCTV that she has slammed the gate so hard it's damaged. Tell her you've no idea why she did it, but in order to try and keep the peace between you you've decided not to press charges, however if any further incidences occur you will take further action. Try and be as calm as possible and just state facts. State that you aren't going to get into an arguement, you've clear video evidence, you just want her to know. If you really don't want to speak I'd write a letter, but don't involve the Vicar, it's nothing to do with him!