AIBU to wish the preschool would approach smelly parent

[FloatyFlo]

Prepared to be flamed.
Aware there are likely other issues going on with this parent. Aware that I sound like a superior bitch.

But there is a parent at my DS's preschool who absolutely stinks to high heaven. I don't mean a bit of bad breath or a waft if you're right next to her.. I mean overwhelping stench that fills the place and lingers after she's gone. Everybody knows it, everybody can smell it but how on earth can you approach something like this. I know the preschool and none of the parents would say anything to her but my God I wish they would. It would probably be very upsetting for her and I do feel sorry for her and but its massively unpleasant for everybody else.

My mouth is hanging open reading some of the responses

Seven can you not see how ridiculous your suggestion was?

OP if you could please answer some of the questions above ,like,is the child of a clean,healthy appearance and is the lady you speak of dressed appropriately and appears well groomed?
Hard to help you without more information.

A woman I used to work with was a bit of a hippy and she stank to the high heaven she didn't believe in deodorant or bio washing powder it harmed the enviroment she was also a director of project people just held their breath next to her, as I said some people do just smell.

Does she look otherwise clean? A friend of mine in school had a problem with sweat glands, she showered sometimes three times a day but kept sweating and the smell was constant and overpowering, she was aware of it. I think she ended up getting surgery or taking pills and the smell vanished. She was a hygienic person though.
It’s really not the pre schools place to say anything and certainly not any of the other parents. You see her what? 10 minutes a day?

OP not been back?

I've met a few people that stank to high heaven, and one of the worst offenders had around 10 large dogs at home. You wouldn't know from a distance, because she and her children always looked clean and tidy, but they left a lingering stench behind. I dread to think what her house and animals smelled like!

You tell her then. If you're so concerned for her. Which you're not.

There is a condition some people have which means you can't smell anything (or your sense of smell is severely hampered). She may have this?

From the child's point of view, this will be very isolating as he/she gets older, particularly if there is a wider hygiene issue and the house is affected as well.

In the case of the child in DS' class, she can't have friends for play dates or sleepovers and the bath is full of stuff, yet the poor mother is at a loss to help herself. The girl is in a swimming club a few nights after school and this is where she washes. The mum is not the type who would be on SS radar. She is super-functioning in her job and it's very difficult to know what to do. I've been in the house, as have others. One of the mums did hire a skip and spent two days clearing out some if the stuff, but the lady put it all back again and got very distressed.

If it were a smelling pre-schooler I could see your point, but a Mum?

Maybe she has medical issues beyond her control. Maybe she is on a waiting list for a bowel operation, or has cancer.

I bet you’re the type of person to stand behind her and do theatrical sniffs to the amusement of the other school-run mums, and have been bitching about her and the child to your pals for ages.

Why do people have to start making things up on threads? There is no evidence at all that the op is doing “ theatrical sniffs” yet now you have posted it, by the end of the thread the usual suspects will be telling her she’s a psychopath for doing it. 🙄

Difficult one. I think there's no way of doing it without mortifying someone. I've known two people like this, at different work places. One kept being pulled into meetings about it but she didn't care, it didn't matter to her.. she wasn't defiant in her smelliness but just indifferent. Hers was BO.

The other was a friend of mine whose diet was pretty much 95% meat and he lived in a real shithole. He was so likeable so no-one could say anything. He used to regularly shower as well but it made no difference! He smelled really unwashed, skin was always yellow and peaky looking!

I think I would just put up with it for the short time you are around her. Could be a medical thing. What does she smell of?

You don’t have to spend much time with this woman so I would suggest kindly letting it go. Provided her child is well looked after, it isn’t really of importance.

I had to work with an incredibly smelly person once upon a time and I’m afraid I ended up telling him he smelt because I have a very strong sense of smell and was often holding my breath near him, it made me gip once or twice. He stunk of urine and BO. I wasn’t unkind with my wording but could tell I’d hurt his feelings which wasn’t my intention at all... I just couldn’t stand working for hours next to that smell anymore. He never smelt bad again so...

I notice the OP has not come back

OP, I can appreciate what you’re saying but I don’t think it’s for anyone at the preschool or other parents to broach. As hard as it is, it’s something to be raised by a relative, friend or employer. I think a PP is right to point out that this could become an issue as the child gets older and their friends notice. Even so, it’s not yours or the preschools place to say anything.

It's nothing to do with the school, for crying out loud. What do you expect them to do about it?

• An anonymous note in a bag/pocket (what like "hi, sorry to have to tell you this, but you smell.)
  Fucks sake, NO.Can you imagine one of those in your pocket when you got home? Poor woman, that could really upset. Bullies.

• Drive by checkout of the premises?!
  This place is bloody mental sometimes. As long as the child is cared for,leave the poor mum alone.

The drive by people have no lives.

I don't really think there is anything you can do
I definitely wouldn't put a note in her pocket or child's bag