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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Stepsisters living together

68 replies

Ancia1 · 12/03/2018 10:04

Hi, I need your opinions about going on holiday (long weekend really) just with my kids whilst living with a partner and his child. He can't really take the time off and doesn't really like to take his dd off school for even a day; there is also the added cost. But most of all I just want to spend time with my own two. He made a big fuss once when i didn't bring his dd to a meet up with a friend of mine and her dd. Am I very selfish? Is he expecting too much of me? Any pros and cons welcomed
Ps dsd doesn't have a bm family

OP posts:

Trinity66 · 12/03/2018 11:18

By your reckoning, she should "force" her own children "to endure" the other child and the relationship at the expense of special time with their mother.

That's kind of extreme, is the poor girl the devil incarnate or something? :/ The kids will probably just be happy to getting a holiday tbf

Original poster

Ancia1 · 12/03/2018 11:20

Thank you, yes i think because of some issues with him i came up with this as a way to withdraw and reevaluate. But i can do that without being mean to the child :)

OP posts:

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/03/2018 11:21

I think the OPs own children deserve some alone with mum time too

And you think that isn't going to make an 8 year old with no BM feel left out amongst other things. This child is part of the OP's family and that goes for her children too.

And whoever said there's a vast difference between the ages of 8 and 11 is being ridiculous.

SoupDragon · 12/03/2018 11:21

I can’t work out if the DSD lives with you full time and has no other parent.

Trinity66 · 12/03/2018 11:23

Thank you, yes i think because of some issues with him i came up with this as a way to withdraw and reevaluate. But i can do that without being mean to the child

That's good, I hope you sort your stuff out with DH. I have a blended family too and it can be difficult I know but tbh I find that alot of times it's us the parents who make things worse. The kids seem to think about all this stuff much less!

Chanelprincess · 12/03/2018 11:25

By your reckoning, she should "force" her own children "to endure" the other child and the relationship at the expense of special time with their mother.

Yes, since both adults have chosen to create this new family and her partner's child doesn't have the luxury of this so called 'special time' with her own birth mother.

carryondoctor · 12/03/2018 11:25

I think it would be unkind OP, and I'm glad you're going to consider it.

My DM would never have left my half brother out of things - he had to come and sit through spending time with her family just as my younger brother and I did, until he was old enough to do his own thing!

happyvalley74 · 12/03/2018 11:26

Trinity I was using language used by a PP, hence it being in inverted commas.

happyvalley74 · 12/03/2018 11:28

But Chanel you are being facetious. The SD can have time with her father, which the other two children (in this family set up) don't have.

It seems equal to me, within the family, that 2 kids get to spend time with mum (and not dad) and one kid gets to spend time with dad (and not mum).

Saying that, now that OP has said there are issues with her partner, that may put a different slant on it

Booboobooboo84 · 12/03/2018 11:28

@greatduckcookery I said the difference can be vast. An 8 year old requires more attention than an 11 year old. The 8yo also wouldn’t enjoy the museums planned. Why drag her away to do something she won’t enjoy?

Trinity66 · 12/03/2018 11:30

happyvalley74 My apologies then!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/03/2018 11:30

There's millions of families world wide with bigger age gaps that manage because they have to. 3 years isn't that big a gap really. Like I said the OP could arrange something to suit them all if she wanted to.

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 12/03/2018 11:35

Of course it’s fine. Go for it.

Blended families that seem to have the most problems are the ones who like your DP just jam everyone together all the time, ignoring the obvious differences. Take it from me, I’ve been there as a step mum, bought the t-shirt!

Your kids need time with just their own parents.

I’ve even bought my step kids away individually though too. Sometimes it’s the best way to relax and bond. Although for me it didn’t make any difference in the end, step kids have no relationship with me and I now wish I’d taken my own kids and not bothered! At least I tried.

lifetothefull · 12/03/2018 12:02

I think it's fine if you make an effort for her to get some special time too another time.

cloisonne · 12/03/2018 12:20

If you have an established pattern of going as a family or not at all, you should take the 8 yr old. An 8 year old will definitely feel rejected unless your setup is pretty recent and everyone is still getting to know each other. How long have you lived together as a family unit? How long have you been her mother figure?

LucreziaBoredYa · 12/03/2018 12:31

'The child'
You wouldn't be out of place in a Roald Dahl novel.

Original poster

Ancia1 · 13/03/2018 08:26

Lucrezia, it is a child. English isn't my first language. I call my birth children child too. Lived together just under a year.

OP posts:

LucreziaBoredYa · 13/03/2018 08:30

Ah ok OP it just came across as very cold given the context.

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