I feel awful typing this to be honest.
Dp wanted to propose since my 20th birthday. I'd been with him happily for 2 years by this point and we've had huge highs and lows. He's never betrayed me or anything like that, just we've been in some awful situations together that perhaps he didn't support me too well in, but they affected him too so I'm not overly bothered. We lost a baby after my brother committed suicide and I was dealing with the grief as well as the loss of a baby. But it affected dp really bad so Its understandable that there wasn't that much support from him.
So we tried so hard for dd and i was told I'd never have children. I bought her into the world last April and I'm currently expecting ds this month. He proposed whilst I was carrying dd. I was really excited to get married. But now it just seems like it's the right thing to do with two dc?
We moved out together etc and we're happy. I wish we had more money etc but we are okay. We have our health and that's all we need.
Dont get me wrong. I do love him and care so deeply for him. If we split up I wouldn't want anyone else and we are very committed.
Funnily enough my mom mentioned our wedding earlier and it got me thinking.. I'm in no rush. I'm 22, he's 27... Just all of it seems so young to me now and like it's rushed. But then he's never mentioned planning a wedding etc so I just presumed as recently he's not been spending much time with me that he wasn't too fussed. Maybe he thought it was just the right thing to do because we have our children. But he suddenly bought it up at dinner today that he wants to start planning after baby boy is born..
It just seems too.. Rushed for me? I'm not sure. I do want to get married one day I suppose but I just can't see it happening at all. There's no glimpse of it and no desire to plan it anymore.
Has anyone ever felt the same? He's dead set on it now but maybe this is all my insecurities and depression getting in the way? I just don't feel good enough anymore.