Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at sister for giving gift early to niece

36 replies

IcecreamSundae2 · 11/03/2018 18:51

I think I probably am, but It's my nieces birthday next month, she is 3 and lives in a different country so I wrapped and sent it early and let my sister know it was on the way. Today my sister called me to let me know it had arrived and that she was going to save it for my niece's birthday but then my niece had spotted the parcel and asked to open it so she had let her. Am I being unreasonable to be peed off that a) my niece won't associate the gift with her birthday and will have forgotten about it by the time it gets to the big day, and b) that it really bad lesson to not make her wait for something like a birthday gift?

OP posts:
Calvinlookingforhobbs · 11/03/2018 18:52

Your niece is 3. She won’t know or care. Life is long and terribly you short at the same time. Chill out.

Ummmmgogo · 11/03/2018 18:54

yabu. it's nice to spread the presents out 3 year olds get overwhelmed easily when they get a lot of presents in one day.

Avasarala · 11/03/2018 18:55

She's only turning 4; even if your sister waited until her actual birthday, she still wouldn't process that's it's "from auntie x for my birthday" - and, she will be getting lots of other presents so wouldn't even have time to play with or look at everything properly. If she has it now, she can enjoy it fully.

Alabama3 · 11/03/2018 18:55

your naive is 3 - she won't be scarred for life

Alabama3 · 11/03/2018 18:55

niece not naive

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 11/03/2018 18:57

I think you need to chill out.

91bees · 11/03/2018 19:00

If she was older, sure, but many 3/4 year olds do not understand delayed gratification. It's odd you're so upset by something so unimportant.

Original poster
IcecreamSundae2 · 11/03/2018 19:04

Appreciate the comments, not sure that it is too early to teach delayed gratification, what age should you start teaching it? But also didn't think of it from the point of view of spreading out the gifts to avoid overwhelming her on her birthday.

OP posts:
Glumglowworm · 11/03/2018 19:06

YABU

Giving a gift is supposed to be because you want to make the recipient happy. You’re making it about you.

Original poster
IcecreamSundae2 · 11/03/2018 19:06

Oh and @91bees the reason I was concerned is that I have seen what happens to children who get everything instantly when they ask for it, it's not good for their future aspirations and I can see my niece is a little spoilt, but I'm probably over worried and as others have said need to chill :)

OP posts:
LoveSchoolHolidays · 11/03/2018 19:09

YANBU

It is her birthday present, to be received, by her, On Her Birthday!

What is there not to get about that?

overnightangel · 11/03/2018 19:11

“Oh and @91bees the reason I was concerned is that I have seen what happens to children who get everything instantly when they ask for it, it's not good for their future aspirations and I can see my niece is a little spoilt, but I'm probably over worried and as others have said need to chill smile”

Maybe project your own values onto your own children and let the rest of your family do as they see fit?

ItsAllABitStrangeReally · 11/03/2018 19:13

I prefer spreading gifts out, they're appreciated more. At least you knows yours hasn't been tossed in a pile.

91bees · 11/03/2018 19:15

No, of course not too early to start teaching it and would always encourage them to wait, but at that age it's very unusual for a child to grasp the concept.
Once in a while wouldn't do any harm, but if she's getting things immediately all the time then I can see why you say it, but I wouldn't get annoyed by it.

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 11/03/2018 19:16

You sound a little overinvested / controlling tbh. If you don’t even live in the same country I don’t really understand how you know, or how it is any of your business if, your dn is spoilt.

elQuintoConyo · 11/03/2018 19:17

If my 3yo had seen it before i'd hidden it, i'd let him have it. We have around 5 or 6 presents sent to us for birthdays and Christmases, so i have to do my Lightning McQueen impression!

I think from about 5yo i let his squish and shake his presents to guess what was in them, then put them on a high shelf for the birthday. If they were a week + early, then that's a bit long. But a couple of days before, that'd be fine.

He is now 6yo and us fine about not opening stuff immediately.

TheRebel · 11/03/2018 19:18

Now I’m an adult I open presents and cards as soon as they arrive. I don’t understand having to wait, I get that some people enjoy waiting and opening presents on the set day or whatever and that’s fine for them, but I hate knowing there’s something I could open and not opening it!

Original poster
IcecreamSundae2 · 11/03/2018 19:19

@overnightangel lol!

@ItsAllABitStrangeReally I didn't think of it that way Smile

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 11/03/2018 19:20

Your present has been given separately. If anything, it will stand out and be more special. You should insist on this every year, including a video of the unwrapping!!

SpringEquinox · 11/03/2018 19:20

I am not sure I would be bothered about it being given on her birthday - she may associate it with you more if it is on its own, rather than one of many, but I agree with you OP, that she shouldn't have been allowed to open it just because she asked - ' No, it's for later' is not too much for a 3 year old to understand and is part of learning good manners.

Lalalaleah · 11/03/2018 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Leeds2 · 11/03/2018 19:30

Going against the grain here, but it would piss me off! I prefer gifts to be opened on the relevant date ie the actual birthday.
Your niece won't be harmed by this though, and may possibly appreciate the present more because she got it early. My daughter would've been made to wait, although I like to think she would never have seen it before her birthday.

Original poster
IcecreamSundae2 · 11/03/2018 19:30

@Mamma TJ, yeah that be good Wink

@SpringEquinox, yes that was my concern, I guess it's a matter of opinion.

OP posts:
Knittedfairies · 11/03/2018 19:31

And she's got an extra month's enjoyment of her gift too!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 11/03/2018 19:31

Agree with Mamma. If your niece had been given your gift on her birthday no doubt she'd have had a huge pile of other presents and yours might have just got lost in it.

Chill OP, it's fine.