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Original poster

My sister in law hates me, please help

73 replies

Lost88 · 11/03/2018 17:51

Hi everyone,

I have read many topics on here and thought maybe someone can give me a good advice. We've been married for a year, both 30 and trying for a baby. My husband is close to his family. From the beginning I felt his sister didn't like me and i tried to always make an effort - unsucesfully, even thought she's 11 years younger! She's actually very rude and has a bad attitude which everyone knows but tolerates it because she's "their princess" if you know what I mean...
She always ignores my presence, never intrested in what I want to say, speak directly to my husband without including me. Last year for my MIL bday she bought a present with my husband - without including me, my husbandd doesn't care for bdays so he didnt' give a second thought but deeply apologised to me after I told him I feel about it. On numerous ocassions she's been rude to me, rolled her eyes or said quietly something to her boyfriend about me. Few weeks ago I just asked my husband to make sure that Mother's day this year won't be the same as my MIL's bday lasy year and I asked what we need to buy for his Mum etc. So today went to buy flowers, card etc. Just before i left i realised there was a seperate card from My husband and his sister together to my MIL, it made me feel idiotic because one card from me and my husband and another one from my husband and his sister. I asked my husband about and he said that he didnt ask his sister to do that. It really gets me because my husband is oblivious to it and when i try to say anything he always thinks I am oversentsitive because I've got an anxiety and i have a history of taking things too personally etc... There has been plenty of situations where has been clear to me that she's got a problem with me. It's really hard to me because I don't have a family in the UK other than my huband. Going forward I really don't know how to handle this situation as I really don't feel comfortable around her and don't want to argue with my husband. I was wondering if there's anyone who could give me some sort of advice....

OP posts:
Original poster
Lost88 · 11/03/2018 18:43

Omg nobody is banning them from buying a card for Mothers day! My husband wanted me to buy a card and flower from me and him to his Mother - it wasn't my idea. There was a plenty of situations prior today where she was more than clear how she feels about it - for example at my wedding when she decided she didn't want to sit next to me and swapped sits and sat the rest of the wedding with her face like somebody has slapped her....

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 11/03/2018 18:44

One of the most important life lessons is to learn not to make someone else's problems your problems. Ignore her and don't play along with her silly, immature games.

Original poster
Lost88 · 11/03/2018 18:46

Hi everyone,

I have read many topics on here and thought maybe someone can give me a good advice. We've been married for a year, both 30 and trying for a baby. My husband is close to his family. From the beginning I felt his sister didn't like me and i tried to always make an effort - unsucesfully, even thought she's 11 years younger! She's actually very rude and has a bad attitude which everyone knows but tolerates it because she's "their princess" if you know what I mean...
She always ignores my presence, never intrested in what I want to say, speak directly to my husband without including me. Last year for my MIL bday she bought a present with my husband - without including me, my husbandd doesn't care for bdays so he didnt' give a second thought but deeply apologised to me after I told him I feel about it. On numerous ocassions she's been rude to me, rolled her eyes or said quietly something to her boyfriend about me. Few weeks ago I just asked my husband to make sure that Mother's day this year won't be the same as my MIL's bday lasy year and I asked what we need to buy for his Mum etc. So today went to buy flowers, card etc. Just before i left i realised there was a seperate card from My husband and his sister together to my MIL, it made me feel idiotic because one card from me and my husband and another one from my husband and his sister. I asked my husband about and he said that he didnt ask his sister to do that. It really gets me because my husband is oblivious to it and when i try to say anything he always thinks I am oversentsitive because I've got an anxiety and i have a history of taking things too personally etc... There has been plenty of situations where has been clear to me that she's got a problem with me. It's really hard to me because I don't have a family in the UK other than my huband. Going forward I really don't know how to handle this situation as I really don't feel comfortable around her and don't want to argue with my husband. I was wondering if there's anyone who could give me some sort of advice....

OP posts:
billybagpuss · 11/03/2018 18:46

As others have said, she's 19 you have probably another 6 years before she will treat you rationally.

As your DH has said he knew nothing about it and had very little to do with the birthday present either.

You and your husband send MIL a card, if she choses to put your DH's name on her card that just looks a bit weird. Just treat her with friendship and do your own gifts etc. She'll get the message eventually.

TabbyMumz · 11/03/2018 18:46

She is doing it because she is struggling with the concept that her brother has got married and left the nest. It has made her feel unbalanced and lost. It doesn't matter who you are, you could be anyone, she would still hate you. You have upset the status quo just by being there. I used to know a girl like this. She couldn't stand the fact her brother has got married and every little thing upset her. Just carry on living your life, she will just need to learn to live with it. Perhaps try and pull him away a bit more.

Branleuse · 11/03/2018 18:47

i never put my partners name on my mothers day card to my mum, even though theyre close. I think your SIL sounds very annoying though, but i dont think you should be butting in on their mothers day with their mum

Bluelonerose · 11/03/2018 18:47

I have a sil like that too she's also 11 years younger than me. Dh thinks the sun shines out of her arse.
He misses her sly little digs even though they are done in front of his face.
Now if she contradicts me I just say never mind you'll understand when your older and grin Grin

Mishappening · 11/03/2018 18:49

I have a SIL who has never liked me - not a big deal for me; except that in the last week when I was very ill I had to cancel a visit from her and she went ape shit, sending me an incredibly spiteful email - I was reeling when I read it. But that is life - that is how she is and there is nothing I can do about it. Thankfully we see her very seldom - and never initiated from this end.

You can't win 'em all and there is no point in wasting effort worrying about it. Just avoid her as much as possible.

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/03/2018 19:01

My sil has been vile to me over the years. She has actively encouraged my brother to be horrible to me. Not that he needed much encouragement. She admitted to me more than once that she has an issue with my mother, not me. But feels she cannot take it out on my mother and confused the two of us. I put up with it for years until she started screaming at my dd. We are now nc.

Keep your distance. You’ve had some great advice already. You can’t choose your in laws.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 11/03/2018 19:11

i never put my partners name on my mothers day card to my mum, even though theyre close. I think your SIL sounds very annoying though, but i dont think you should be butting in on their mothers day with their mum

This.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 11/03/2018 19:19

OMG, she swapped seats at your wedding??? How rude. Good advice on here though... ignore and kill with kindness.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 11/03/2018 20:07

Why would you want to sit next to your SIL on your wedding day though?

Original poster
Lost88 · 11/03/2018 20:11

SinisterBumFacedCat you really seem desperate to have a dig at me ? Let me answer you - because I don't have my own family - they are nearly all dead and live in other Country!

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 11/03/2018 20:19

Does she fancy her brother or something

SundaySalon · 11/03/2018 20:20

Sounds awful OP but I think SinisterBumFacedCat has a point. Even if you didn’t have your own family why couldn’t you sit next to your DH and MIL or FIL? IF you knew she didn’t like you?
She’s 19, hopefully in a few years she will grow up and you will have a better relationship.

Original poster
Lost88 · 11/03/2018 20:23

I was sitting next to my husband ,my MIL net to him and SIL on my side, that's what we all previously discussed and agreed on. Thanks

OP posts:
SharronNeedles · 11/03/2018 20:24

Tell her you find it 'cute' that she and your DH do joint cards, she sounds like the sort of person who would be wound up by comments like this

flumpybear · 11/03/2018 20:28

She's 19 and being a dick - she'll grow up - let her do her baby stuff - as pp have said perhaps just say aaahhhhh like you're still children - will you do this when you getbyo early a husband ?

midnightmisssuki · 11/03/2018 20:29

My SIL is like this - I don’t even know why she hates me. I adore my brother though so I don’t make a fuss because she will give him a hard time. It’s exasperating though and even my mother has asked her why she hates me. She has no answer. Just does.

Feelings · 11/03/2018 20:34

My SIL used to do this. In his family they use cards to express their content or discontent depending on the who person they were giving the card to.

For example, if you had been noticed to have done something exceptional for the family that particular moment in time you would get "love from" with plenty of "XXX" at the end.
If not then you would simply get "From" with nothing else.

Anyway I digress, SIL often used to plan buying MIL presents and cards with DH and I never really felt like I could object because let's face it, it's their Mum and they've always been used to buying the present & card together.
I realised after a while that they were all just really strange (see above) and had form for excluding, scapegoating and making others the golden child.

Thank god DH went NC over a year ago now, it honestly did get to the point where saying "no" became tantrum of the year, ridiculous people.

user1492877024 · 11/03/2018 20:39

You've done your best which is clearly not good enough for SIL. Please ignore her, as others have said. I know its easier said than done, but do not recognise her presence. Should she speak to you, remain polite but only give one word answers. Pretend she isn't there. Hopefully, she will return in kind and keep her distance, or, will realise the error of ways. Life really is too short for this sh!t.

MsChalloner · 11/03/2018 20:40

Ignore it and just be yourself and pretend you don't notice.
She's 19 and will grow out of it once she has been in the world a bit (hopefully). If you are lucky one day you might laugh about it and be friends. Obviously if it continues or ramps up then you might have to ask your DH to speak to her. But - she sounds just immature - and if you are in for the long haul - think 20 years ahead - you might be glad you were the bigger person till she grew up.

Don't let it get to. As long as your DH is on your side all will be well.
Good luck. And don't let it get to you!

OutyMcOutface · 11/03/2018 20:42

She’s still a teenager. I’m sure she’s picked up on your feelings too and, like a teenager, is just reacting to them. What does it matter?

rothbury · 11/03/2018 20:43

Have you posted about this stupid little cow before? It sounds familiar.

Ignore her. Spend as little time as possible with her. Life is too short to tolerate shit like this. I don't know why people are saying it's Ok as she is 19 - she is old enough to know better.

Beanteam · 11/03/2018 20:47

We sent joint cards on mother’s day to both my and dHs DMs. I called DMIL Mother to her face, didn’t use her Christian name, then she was Granny. I think the DSIL s attitude will change once she has a partner long term, and more so if she has kids as then they are her family rather than your DH.