To have cancelled tomorrow mornings driving lesson?

[MartagonLilies]

The instructor is not happy with me, in fact he's really quite cross, so I wanted to check on here if AIBU, and if so, what do I do?

I had a lesson yesterday, a 6 hour one (intense). I also had one for the same length of time tomorrow, starting at 11.30am.
When I finished yesterdays lesson, the instructor (instructor 1) and I discussed briefly the lesson we'd just done, and what we'll be doing on Sunday's lesson.

Around 2pm today, I logged onto FB, to find a message from instructor 1 saying that he'd had to go and visit family (reason is new niece/ nephew)
He told me that he'd been in touch with a fellow instructor (instructor 2) that was a friend of his, and that instructor 2 will be doing my lesson tomorrow. He gave me contact details for instructor 2, and told me to get in touch with him. He then told me to let him (instructor 1) know when I've paid the lesson from yesterday into his bank.

I was slightly put out, however I messaged instructor 2. He said he'll do the lesson tomorrow, however it'll be 3 hours earlier (8.30am) and for 3 hours less than planned. He told me his fee, which is more expensive per hour than instructor 1, although obviously cheaper overall as it's a shorter lesson.

I thought about it for a while, and I really wasn't happy with any of it. I contacted instructor 2 again, and cancelled the lesson for tomorrow. I apologised, explained that it was all a bit up in the air for me, thanked him for offering his time, and was generally polite and apologetic.

He was not happy at all. He said that he'll be telling instructor 1, and that he had moved his whole morning to accommodate me. I apologised again, thanked him again, and then again apologised for any inconvenience this had caused him.
He then replied asking me if the reason I was really cancelling was because I'd have to be up early in the morning.
I told him that I have multiple children, and was always up hours before 8.30am, and it wasn't anything to do with the time.
He then message me 'OK, good luck with your driving in the future...'

If you've sat through all the 'I said, he said' thank you. My question is WIBU to have cancelled my lesson for tomorrow? I felt like I was OK to, however I do feel bad that instructor 2 feels unhappy about it. I'm not pleased with his rudeness, though is he justified?
Also, Im not at all happy with instructor 1, obviously.

Thanks Agentdaisy for the info.

BackforGood Yes, not everyone has the option of a day of work through a new baby in the wider family. When you put it like that, I see it more clearly.

After reading the replies on here, I told instructor 2 that I'd apologised enough already, and I didn't appreciate the rude replies I'd had from him.
He did apologise himself, said he's managed to recover his day now and offered me driving lessons in the few spaces he had in the afternoons next week.
I haven't replied as of yet.

However, I've just noticed I received a message at 9.45pm from instructor 1, and now I'm really quite cross myself I could do with some advice on how to reply to this in the morning.
I'll copy and paste, changing names.

Martagon. Why have you now at last minute pulled the plug on your training with instructor 2 tomorrow and cancelled it. instructor 2 're arranged things to accomodate you. Now because you have cancelled he will be out of pocket. He is not happy and I do not blame him. You should do the training with instructor 2 tomorrow or if not at least pay him for cancelling at such short notice. It makes me look bad as it may well be instructor 2 may not help me out again because of this. Totally out of order

How about, yes you do look bad because ...

One. You passed on personal details without my permission

Two, you cancelled at short notice

Three, you didn’t check the alternative arrangements were acceptable to me before you organised them. I have commitments, a lesson starting at a differential time is not acceptable.

Four. fees and duration was not as arranged with you

Send back the following

My arrangement was with you, not instructor 2. You cancelled my booking at extremely short notice and made arrangements with instructor 2, with no prior consultation with me and for a time and price that did not match whst we had agreed. I find your management and attitude to be wholly unprofessional and will be contacting your regulatory body/driving school to register my dissatisfaction. In future I suggest you prioritise the job you have committed to, rather than visits to your relatives during your working day and then you won't need to rely on instructor 2 for favours!

Honestly I just would not reply to that. They sound awful and actually quite manipulative.

I get so cross about this, this attitude thing that a lot of driving instructors seem to have. I don't know if it comes with mostly dealing with easily cowed 17yos but DH came across it when he was learning to drive (as an adult) too - general low level bullying behaviour. He didn't put up with it and neither should you.

In my opinion you should respond:

In the future I suggest you check I am happy for you to give out my details and rearrange my weekend timetable before making arrangements with your friends and colleagues for me. Unfortunately instructor 2's offer of three hours of instruction starting at 8.30am for £x/h more than I'm paying you did not work for me and i told them so in a timely manner as soon as I saw their message. I do not feel that I'm in the wrong here and will be considering whether you are the right person to continue my lessons with; my time is quite tightly scheduled and I do not have the flexibility to be messed around with in this way.

You should send what @IWannaSeeHowItEnds said. The instructor is completely out of order.

I too was agog at the 6 hour lesson, but I get it now. And I do understand with your test is coming up soon why it made sense to get you another instructor. I do also understand why I.1 cancelled. New baby in the family, assume his partner works/kids go to school so they need to see new baby on a weekend. Not ideal, but that's what happens when your normal work day is on most people's rest day.
So I 'get' (I think) why I.1 found you I.2. And I think he's doing the best he can for you by doing that.

The two aspects which I think are U (and neither of them laying the blame on you) is (a) halving the time of your lesson and (b) charging you more per hour. I don't think either of those things are acceptable. I like LBO's response, but here's my go at it:

I.1. I've cancelled the lesson with I.2 because he has changed the time of the class, shortened the length of the class and upped the cost of the class.
I cancelled with as much notice as I was able, given how you put this on me. I will not be paying him because you needed to change the arrangement. But do feel free to pay him yourself.

I've just got one more teeny thing to say though, Martagon. I know this contradicts what everyone on this thread has posted, and that includes what I have posted, but I think you should do the class. And my reason for saying that is that your test is in 2 weeks, and you won't have ever sat with the person who's testing you before, so it's good practice for you. Sorreee.

Thanks MNetters. I'll use one of the replies on here (in my own words)
Just makes me so cross. Like LBOCS2's DH, I had a, lets say slightly inappropriate, instructor to start with.
It put me off for a while, and I couldn't find another instrutuctor in town, so went to one a little way away. I'm doing automatic, so they are few and far between.
Now I'm without one at all, and have to make a decision about my test. Although, I guess without an instructors car, they'll be no test anyway.

I wouldn’t reply.

I would contact the body that regulates driving instructors and inform them.

You haven’t done anything wrong and I’m concerned that you couldn’t see that yourself.

I1 cancelled at short notice, hugely letting you down. You booked an intensive course, with HIM, and you have your exam next week.

He then, without asking you, passed your details on to I2.

I2 changed the time, the rate & the length of your lesson.

I2 was rude, aggressive and completely unprofessional badgering you and implying you were too lazy to have an early lesson.

I2 rearranged his day without consulting you, that’s his look out. Also, he didn’t even rearrange it to align with your original time!

I1 has now sent you an incredibly rude email.

HE cancelled, not you. If either of them are ‘out of pocket’’ that’s HIS doing, not yours.

So, tell me, what on earth made you feel responsible for any of this shambles!?

Book a lesson or a couple of shorter lessons with another instructor this week. It will do you no harm to have another person’s feedback & experience. I’d actually suggest you ask them to treat it as if they were doing the test.

Don’t let this put you off sitting your test next week, it’s all good experience, even if you don’t pass.

I don't think instructors have any right to feel aggrieved about working during other people's downtime. If your instructor didn't want to work, then he didn't have to book an all day intensive lesson on a Sunday - the beauty of being self employed (which it sounds like he is, if he has ability to sub contract to his mates) is that he chose the hours. Once he committed to something it was incredibly rude to cancel, just because he would prefer to do something else!

I think this attitude comes about because they work from their own cars, set their own hours and constantly have new clients needing their service. So they forget that it is actually a service - they aren't doing you a favour and are getting paid a significant amount of money.

Ugh. They both sound bloody irritating.

No friends or family you can practise with over the next 2 weeks, OP?

You don’t have to use an instructor’s vehicle for test. You can use your own, or another vehicle available to you, as long as;

You display ‘L’ plates front and rear
You place a second rear view mirror for the examiner’s use
You are covered under insurance for use of the vehicle during a test

You can cancel your test up to three working days before the date and either rebook or receive a full refund. Given the circumstances, I would cancel and source a recommended instructor to complete your training.

I would respond with one of the excellent suggestions given above and then block this instructor from communicating with you again (as well as the second instructor).

I may be wrong, but isn't giving out your details a breach of data protection laws?

Martagon. Why have you now at last minute pulled the plug on your training with instructor 2 tomorrow and cancelled it. instructor 2 're arranged things to accomodate you. Now because you have cancelled he will be out of pocket. He is not happy and I do not blame him. You should do the training with instructor 2 tomorrow or if not at least pay him for cancelling at such short notice. It makes me look bad as it may well be instructor 2 may not help me out again because of this. Totally out of order

Hi.

Please can you send over the evidence of where I gave you permission to give my personal data to a third party. Thanks.
Also, Instructor 2 offered me something that I had not asked for. I didn't cancel, you did. You then gave my personal data to someone without my permission. Which I am taking advice over.
I suggest you either apologise, sort out with me the remaining lessons, [don't cancel them] and see me through to my test; or wind your neck in whilst I get this data breach investigated. Your choice.
Mart

Snap Fairfax. It is.

Instructor 2 is a twat but sounds like instructor 1 mislead him. Instructor 1 is a comlpete dick. Did he reply?

Id be honest with insrructor 1 and say that its not ok to put you in that position. Dont apologise. You are not the one at fault.

OP doesn't say instructor 1 passed over personal details.
He gave the op the details instructor 2 and asked OP to contact 2.
Thr only personal details might have been "this woman who needs a lesson"

YANBU...he's charging you more per hour so you're out of pocket because I no1 has cancelleD. No chance!

You did the right thing OP

Unbelievable brass neck from both instructors there, OP. I certainly wouldn't be able to work with the first one again, and would cancel my test whilst sorting out a replacement instructor. I'd also find out whether there was somewhere to leave him a negative review, forewarning any other potential customers of the lack of professionalism he exhibits. Cancelling a lesson for a family event indeed!

Has he replied yet?

Cancel your test sharpish whilst you still have time and take time to find another instructor.

A good instructor makes a huge difference. You need to feel comfortable and confident, and sadly your relationship with I1 has now broken down.

Good luck, I hope you get sorted and pass your test asap

I do also understand why I.1 cancelled. New baby in the family, assume his partner works/kids go to school so they need to see new baby on a weekend. Not ideal, but that's what happens when your normal work day is on most people's rest day.

No, what happens when you work weekends is that you can't do things on the weekend! If he couldn't go before or after the lesson then he couldn't go at all - you don't cancel work for a non-emergency. My brother's baby was born on a Monday and I didn't get to see him until the Saturday because I work in the week. That isn't some weird and special hardship and I can't imagine the reaction if I'd announced I wasn't coming into work because I had a new nephew!

or if not at least pay him for cancelling at such short notice

Wow. By that same (lack of) reasoning, Instructor one should be giving you a refund or discount for cancelling on you at such short notice.

I wouldn't want to have anything to do with Instructor one again. His issues with Instructor two are just that - HIS issues. It was very unprofessional to drag you into what seems to be a spat now between the two of them.

The thing is, you build up a relationship with an instructor, it's a two way thing and to just palm you off with someone you don't know without asking you what you want to do is totally wrong.