'Young Mum' comments at BF group?

[EmbraceTheBreast]

AIBU to be annoyed?

Name changed because I know a few use this site!

There's a weekly group for those who're feeding their DC to pop along to for coffee/general chit chat.

There is a group leader, but after the initial 20 minute everyone just goes into their own little groups.

At the beginning, everyone introduces themselves and surprisingly, everyone states their ages. As well as how long they've been feeding and number of DC they have.

All fine, no issues doing that. I stated my age. I was then immediately met with "Ohhh, that's young. Did you know you're less likely to breastfeed if you're young? I'll find some articles for you". I smiled and nodded. Said it was a very pleasant experience, for both myself and DS.

I do know the statistics and have read a few articles on the matter. All fine, but I think this leader should've done well to remember I'm not a statistic.

Next question from group leader was "Did your Mum or anyone influence your decision? Maybe your boyfriend, does he find it okay?"

No, I said. My mum didn't breastfeed herself. My husband is great, supportive too.

She then smiled and the group moved on.

I've made friends with two lovely ladies but I've decided the group itself wasn't for me, purely because I felt this leader very patronising. Thankfully some good came out of it though, at the very least.

AIBU to say she is indeed a bit much? She also said to a woman who felt emotional about something "You got this, mumma bear!" - No, she isn't American.

I wouldn't dream of pointing out someone's age category, never mind making comments relating to their age.

Forgot to add, the group is aimed at those who've established BF (4-6 months mark), and extensive breast feeders (anywhere between 1 year to 7+ years etc)

It isn't a support group for those just getting to grips etc

YANBU - she sounds ghastly! What a shame for you and the rest of the group!

It depends whether you are 16 or 26.

Making a point about your age only serves to exclude you or divide you somewhat IMO. It'd make me feel differently everyone else there and less likely to return.

I don't understand why they need to know ages at all if I'm honest.

Whats I don't see why it should depend on that at all, be it age 14 or 50. It's a very patronising thing to bring up in front of a group of other mothers

YANBU . Very patronising.

Perhaps she meant it in a “well done” sort of way?

I got clapped by a breast feeding group once.

I wasn't at their group, they were talking to people in the waiting room going in to see the midwife. They asked how long I had fed dd1, then clapped when I said 6 months.

I was very pregnant, and not well. It did not go down well with me.

I'm 21 and am breastfeeding 7mo DD, I've had similar comments too. I just brush it off.

In a comment about age obviously the age is relevant. Surely the comment was positive, most youngsters don't bf so it's good that you do

Hopefully I wanted to give the benefit of the doubt but it was very clear how she meant to come across

kimlo Argh, I don't like people like that! Too 'showy show'

I’m 20 and breast feed exclusively, have for 5 months. Most people are surprised I breast feed, I don’t even feel I’m that young...

My favourite is 'wow you're only insert age here?! I take it DC wasn't planned then?' as if it means I love my child less.

If you find this group annoying and condescending you just don't go back, I would find all that mumma bear nonsense annoying. Find another babygroup and ask your new friends to join you.

When you're young you're clueless and can't possibly know what you're doing with a baby. Didn't you know?

I had my first at 19, and am still feeding him almost 3 years later. I have had all sorts of comments and find it difficult at groups as a look younger than I am. I would have felt put off by those comments too.

Yanbu. Im in my 40s and decided the best thing i should do is formula feed. Seriously its the best decision i ever made. I sooooo glad i did and if i was lucky enough to have another i go straight to ff as best for me as dh had amazing quality time. Who cares how you feed a baby as long as its fed. She has issues. It more about her than you. If you bf great...if you ff great. Baby is fed and loved.....thats the best thing ever!

When you're young you're clueless and can't possibly know what you're doing with a baby. Didn't you know?

Yep, this is true

I was older, clueless and didn't know what I was doing with a baby!

OP there are idiots everywhere. You I smiled and nodded it took me till I was about 40 to learn that skill. You don't sound that young to me ;) Gawd knows why she decided to turn a completely normal breastfeeding situation into a sociology lesson but it takes all sorts

I got clapped by a breast feeding group once.

I wasn't at their group, they were talking to people in the waiting room going in to see the midwife. They asked how long I had fed dd1, then clapped when I said 6 months.

Hmmmph. I only managed 5 weeks, and for most of that time DS was either being tube fed, or not feeding at all. They would have probably booed and hissed at me!

I'd have used it as an opportunity to go off on one about how the support for young mums wanting to breastfeed is severely lacking, but that's my little soapbox subject

I was desperate to breastfeed but was encouraged to give formula at the first hint of difficulty on the postnatal ward. It smarted to see me and the only other under-20 mum on the ward being fobbed off while the older mums had HCAs sit with them for a long time coaching them through the latch etc. We weren't given information about lactation consultants, La Leche League etc - just left to it and told they couldn't discharge us until we gave formula or "sorted out breastfeeding".

just left to it and told they couldn't discharge us until we gave formula or "sorted out breastfeeding"

That was my experience at the age of 31....

That was my experience at the age of 31....

Sorry you experienced that too.

On my postnatal ward there was a definite difference in the help they gave younger mums.

Also had that experience at 31. No one showed me how to breastfeed, gave any advice or checked it was going okay. After being left all day I asked if I could be discharged and they said they needed to check baby was feeding in some way. Fortunately he had taken to it fine and I had worked out what to do but not one of the midwives knew this. In the end they just let me go and never checked.