To ask how to not care what people think

[Elizanotlittle]

Does anyone have any strategies or thoughts on how to not care what people think?

If someone doesn't like me I obsess about it.

The other day one of my daughters friends said her dad didn't like my daughter. Don't know if this is true or not but its weird! I don't hate any children. Some are annoying yes but hate!

How do I not let this bother me.

I try not to mind read - as in guessing what othe people think
I remember what people actually matter to me, in terms of liking me or not, others opinions don’t matter - in theory !
However hard I try, some people won’t like me !!

The other day one of my daughters friends said her dad didn't like my daughter. Don't know if this is true or not but its weird! I don't hate any children. Some are annoying yes but hate

Don't like is far from hate. Do you always exagerate like that? Might be a good point to start from: not doing that anymore!

I have the same problem with caring way too much about what other people think in every situation.
it stays in my mind for ages if I think someone doesn't like me.
sorry I can't help but I'm sure someone with some advice eill come along shortly.

I only care about the opinions of people that matter to me.

I find that the older I get the less I worry about this sort of thing. It's very liberating.

"one of my daughters friends said her dad didn't like my daughter"

Who cares if her dad doesn't like your DD? Well, you do, but you don't know if what the friend says is true. Even if it was true the friend shouldn't have said it.
I'd worry that your daughter has a friend lacking in social graces.

Whenever someone asks about this on MN, people tend to say that age has something to do with it; usually once you’re 40 (give or take) you tend to give less of a fuck.

I knew someone would pick up on that as I posted it. He said he hated her.

Friend should not have carried the tale but it still hurt.

I agree that the older you get, the less you care. Which is why I don't care a jot about what anyone thinks of me I'm old because I'm comfortable in my skin, feel that I'm a reasonable and fairly likeable person so if someone doesn't like me, I probably wouldn't like them either!

I know I irritate some people but hey ho, that's me. So in answer to your question, I think you just have to be yourself and realise that you win some, you lose some and there's nothing you can do to change people's opinion of you because people are odd . (That's another thing I've realised the older I've got).

Just accept you will not be liked by everyone. Years ago I would've tried to make people like me when I sensed they possibly didn't. Now I can't be arsed

i obsess a bit too, i didnt for years - i really didnt care, but lately my anxieties about people and what they all think of me have been terrible - not sure why to be honest! It has got worse and i do that ' replay conversations in my head' thing to see if i have upset anyone or to gage what they think of me. i think a lot is my age though and i've never felt good enough, but last few months have been bad/
watching this thread with interest/

Why did you post it then, when it wasn't accurate, knowing that people would answer what you actually said?
How irritating,

Thanks.

Maybe it does come with age and I suppose it doesn't really matter.

Just wish I could not thinking about it.

As my DD is hurt.

rousette, we're the opposite - although mine is fairly recent. didnt care as much even up to a year ago, now i do! i think of lot of it is just me though to be fair. although some people make me edgy and unnerved, never feel good enough.

Why did you post it then, when it wasn't accurate, knowing that people would answer what you actually said?
How irritating,

Irritating! Bit extreme. It was an error I meant to go back and change it.

Sorry to anyone who it confused.

The point in my thread though is how to not care - no matter what he said.

But this is not about someone not liking you, is it? It's about someone not liking your DD which is a whole other thing

I also think that awful horrible things happen, tragedies, bereavements, sad events etc so in my head if I find myself angsting about someone being odd (and maybe not liking me) I say... 'in the grand scheme of life, this really is very very unimportant. Don't sweat the small stuff.

know I irritate some people but hey ho, that's me. So in answer to your question, I think you just have to be yourself and realise that you win some, you lose some and there's nothing you can do to change people's opinion of you because people are odd . (That's another thing I've realised the older I've got).

Rousette this is a lovely way to look at it. You are right people are odd.

I agree with @toffee1000 about the age thing: I was raised to be a people pleaser - putting myself out in order not to upset others. The amount of crap I have put up with over the years actually pisses me off massively! I am now nearing 50 and finally I don't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks of me. It's actually incredibly liberating. My DM is in her 70s and is still bending over backwards to accommodate people who clearly don't care for her: it's like she's on a mission to make sure that everyone likes her. A few years ago a woman who DM has known - not well - was quite rude to her: rather than saying 'oh whatever' or 'fuck off you freak' (my preferred response), my DM was all 'well I'm sorry you feel that way ...' and was seemingly proud of her passive response. I was quite ashamed of her, not that I told her. There's something liberating about telling someone who doesn't like you that you really couldn't give two fucks for their opinion.

80s hi

Has something happened to alter things for you? Sometimes life throws us a curved ball which mucks things up, doesn't it...

But this is not about someone not liking you, is it? It's about someone not liking your DD which is a whole other thing

It is yes , probably worse but I obsess if its me too.

I am odd too.

Oh yes Eliza the longer I live the more odd people I seem to come across! And the odder they are!

I don't know if it is something that everyone cares less about as they get older but when I was young I would have been upset and bothered if someone didn't like me. Now I am older I really wouldn't care if someone told me to my face they don't like me.
There's lots of people I don't like so I suppose there are going to be people who don't like me.

Something that helps me is thinking that if everyone likes me then I must be bland and boring with no opinions. It is impossible to be on everyone’s good side.

That's a brilliant way of looking at it robot.

Some people like gregarious talkative people. Some people like quiet introspective people. So not everyone is going to like everyone.

I think i just over think things plus i know people that i ( imagine) are better than me - cant explain it really - they put me on edge, then i get flustered and then it all goes pear shaped!!
i live in a 'competitive ' area too, i have never fitted in with most of them, but i think a lot is in my head too!
anyway, i hate it if i think people dont like me, i wished i didnt care as much, but i do.

You just have to accept that not everyone will like you, and that's fine. Do you like everyone you meet? I would guess not, so it works all ways and that's just life.

my other half thinks i could do with some counselling i get so wound up about it all ( in my head)